Hi, I've allready come out to most of my friends and colleages etc. but somehow i'm, i guess, too scared coming out to my family. I dont really have any reason to be scared, i know that they wont have any problems with it and they probably allready know. i dont think they will be surprised when i tell them but still. i'm allready 21 and i'm scared that if i dont do it now, how long will it take until i do it? can someone please give me some tips or anything?
Welcome to EC! (Killer avatar, btw.) It's tough to give generic advice. What might work for one person might not work for another. You might try writing them a note and handing it to them. Or you might simply approach it from another angle. Act like they already know. You might say "I think it's time to start dating, but I have no idea where to start looking for a boyfriend." Lex
At age 22 my brother came out to me. We've always been very close. He never talked about guys, never looked at guys, and was very masculine. I still always knew. I'm sure your family won't be shocked. They might be a bit surprised or might surprise you and say "son, I'm straight" which was the reaction my father ended up having to my brother. He laughed after he said that and then went on about the day like nothing was ever said. You can never gauge how they are going to react, if they will be upset, or if they are completely aware of it already. Do it, do it right now if they are around, rip that bandaid off and just tell them. You will feel so relieved. The only reason why you should feel any trepidation is if being gay is a bad thing. Is it? No, it's not. So, all you are doing is telling them a fact about yourself. My brother re-approached my father about the subject because he was a bit confused by his reaction and NEEDED to talk about it. My father explained that he wished he weren't gay, but that it didn't really matter. He was proud of him for having the courage to do it. His only request was that if he had kids that they take his last name which I thought was pretty cool. DO IT NOW! It doesn't matter how. Just approach them and say "guys, I just want to let you know that I'm gay. You probably already know, but I figured it was time for me to say it. Your thoughts?" It really doesn't matter how you do it, it matters that you do it. It may not go well, but it probably will. You might end up closer to your family than ever before. If you want, I'll call them and tell them if that will make it easier for you. Not even kidding, but I think you would regret it not being you that told them. Do it! Do it!
Basically what those 2 said. But I can't imagine it being extremely difficult to come out in the Netherlands? You should probably just get it over with...I bet your parents won't mind.
There are as many families as there are people. So, like Lex said, it's tough to give generic advice. What I can do, is give the steps I took. they did work very well, so I hope they can be some inspiration: - First of all, I wrote a letter. I never used it, but it helped in listing up the things I want to say (such as: I'm gay, I'm not unhappy about it. I'm telling you because I trust you. All of my friends know. I'm not dating at the moment. You can always talk to me about it should you feel like it). By writing it, I managed to clear my thoughts and get a grip of everything that might be relevant. It's good to have this letter nearby as a sort of dressed rehearsal and good luck charm at the same time. And it can also serve as a back-up measure if the words don't come. - First, I came out to my brother. Siblings don't quite have the same emotional investment in the whole "engaged, married, house, kids" dream that parents sometimes have. Since my brother and I are pretty close, I knew he would be totally accepting. In fact, he turned out to be one of only two persons who had already figured out I was gay (the other being one of my best friends). So he was supportive and was willing to serve as support for both myself, and my mother, should she react badly. - I set a deadline. I told my brother the day and time I was going to come out. I made a thread on EC saying that this was the big day. with that backing, I took my mother apart for a moment, and told her that I'd love to bring someone home one day, but that it would be a guy instead of a girl. she took it pretty well at the time, even though I know she has had some struggles with it. So, as with all coming-outs, I don't think you can go wrong by the three elements of having a support network, being prepared, and setting a deadline. If you'd like it more tailored to your specific situation, post some more details about your family (who's there, what are their opinions on gay people etc...) and I'm sure we can figure out some more detailed help!
there's not really much to say. i have an older brother and sister and i know that they have nothing against gay people or me being gay. i'm very close with my sister and she probably allready knows, my brother probably too. my parents also wouldn't have a problem with it, so they told me. there is also my niece that i'm very close with, she probably also allready knows so i dont think it would shock people. i think its probably that i dont want to deal with questions or be subjected to some kind of special treatment (not in an negative way).
Well, my preferred order would be: niece (as you're close and she might suspect) and siblings, then parents. If you don't want to deal with questions, well, tough luck. Questions will come, and people will take some time to adjust it. Coming out is always a bit of a "look at me" moment, no matter how easy it goes. That's the part of the apple you just have to bite through. That's not a bad thing, though. Questions mean they want to learn more about you. And once you answer them, you can be sure they understand and got their info from you, instead of from some outside source that might have gotten it wrong.
