No one to trust?

I'm offended. I pride myself on not trusting too many people and I create false, temporary identities fairly quickly since I have been doing it for so long. People are not to be trusted because they will leave or betray me. Friends, yes, they can be trusted depending on how long I have known them. Although...I am trying to figure out how to trust people somewhat so I can trust my next girlfriend and have our relationship last longer than five months.

 

He speaks as though not trusting people is something to be ashamed of. It is one of my skills. My friends aren't homophobes (one kind of is, asshole), so I am very lucky in that regard. But these are friends at home. I don't really have any here because I am too shy.

 

One of the things you will find in life, there are friends and then there are acquaintances. True friends are those whom you have developed a strong relationship with and stick with you through thick and thin. They are rare gems found in life's path. I personally can count my friends on one hand. As acquaintances go I have many, many of them. There is definitely a distinction between the two.

Another thing found in life as a constant is change. When younger we tend to deal in absolutes or things being totally black or white, no in between. As we grow older and experience more of life, we find that most of everything is in varying shades of gray and only a few things are totally black and white. Thus it is with our personalities. They are not stagnant or unchanging. We are actually different from day to day, but most often it is not noted by ourselves. I am certainly not the same person I was when I was 14, let alone 20 or 30 or even 40. I am not the same person I was just last year. Yes some basic attributes I have don't change much, but in many areas I don't remain the same, so saying that you have a personality that you have established and now you can't change it is in error. People change all the time and it is considered the natural flow of things. It is when a change is abrupt or completely opposite what we were yesterday that causes others to stand up, take notice and question it. But to say you are boxed in and can never change for fear of not appearing yourself is really not possible.

Trust issues are another thing indeed. Trust is a very sacred thing and is not easily given. Most often it is given to friends and family but few others or giving in varying degrees with the highest degree given to friends and family. Most often in association with acquaintances we have expectations and if these expectations are not met, we feel our trust has been betrayed. When you really look at it though, it was that we had a certain thought of how someone would react, act or do, say, whatever and that person failed to meet that expectation for whatever reason, thus we feel let down. Actually we feel we let ourselves down but don't see it right then. There is a difference in trust and expectation.

So in dealing with the trust issue, make sure it is trust that you are seeking and not expectation. And it is best to keep expectations within reason as many are the times they far exceed anything anyone could live up to or even accomplish at the moment. Trust to a high degree only those with whom you have a long history with and know quite well and with acquaintances, keep expectations within reason or doable within reason.

 

i know what you mean i def. know how it feels ;[

 

I have felt this way before. Your friends might not be as homophobic, once they know. I was stuck with a fake personality, an now that im open about my sexuality to them, they respect me even more for it, and even make jokes about things we all have in common.

 

It's not pathetic at all. I find it very hard to trust people as well & it makes me act differently too. I don't even know why I do it sometimes, but I think it's my security measure to keep unsavoury people out of my life. I get so fed up with putting on an act though. It's like when you're not happy & someone asks how you are, and you smile and fake that everything's ok because its easier not to get too deep. I'm completely myself with my friends, family and on here because I trust them, but I feel that no-one else would understand the real me, which is why I hide who I am.

I didn't even realise how much I was using my fake persona until my boss actually told me once that I was hard to read. It's strange because I don't know what has caused me to be so wary of people.

I know it's frustrating and tiring acting like someone you're not all the time, but it can be hard to overcome if it's something you've grown used to doing. I hate feeling fake when I'm not comfortable with people, but my mind just switches to auto-pilot now. I mainly get frustrated because I wish I could just be me without fearing judgement.

I wish I could give you some advice, but as you can see, a number of us do the same thing. At least you know you're not alone in this matter :icon_sad:

 

I'm amazed to read the posts on this thread and see that others have gone through what I've gone through, I've done exactly the same thing Revealed has done, so ThatCrazyThang, I guess what you're feeling is normal

I don't know how to help you, I keep myself detached from my friends and even when they ask me what's up, I lie. You should try to find people who you trust enough to be yourself with, although that sounds hypocritcal as I haven't even done that. But hopefully talking about it on this site helps as it makes you feel more comfortable being you, you might find in time that you can be yourself

 

T.C.Thang& Others I'm about a kazillion years older than you guys,other than Jay H.But I'm no smarter or really any wiser.I've spent years and years writing the fiction of who I am.It's not only the "being in the closet" but all the other levels that I have created to have someone like me.Or hire me.
On Friday I went to an Orientation for "Mindful Meditation" I've been wanting to pursue this since reading a book called "Coming To Our Senses" by Jon Kabit-Zinn.In it he says that by following this form of meditation I can find out Who I Am.Because at this point I don't really know.

 

That isn't pathetic at all, it can be really hard to be your self sometimes. Also, you are only 14, you are probably still finding to find your place, or your clique. Don't worry about it.