How and when to come out

Welcome to EC! Before I get to your questions, a quick comment.

>>>I'm 17 and positive about the fact that I'm homosexual, unfortunately. Ofcourse I would prefer to be straight (as any gay person, in my opinion)...

I probably would've liked to be straight back when I was your age, simply because things would've been a bit easier for me. But now, I can guarantee that if you offered me a "surefire cure for homosexuality", I'd say "no thanks". I haven't just accepted my homosexuality - I've embraced it. I don't consider being gay to be some sort of curse - I consider it a blessing. And hopefully, we can get you to a point where you'll feel the same.

>>>For now, I live with my parents. My mother is the typical non-practicing religious woman that believes in the Bible beliefs and I have the feeling that she doesnt accept homosexuality very well, as well as my father and brother, that arent religious but both make fun and bad jokes about gays. So support is not coming from family.

It's an natural assumption to make. X makes jokes about gays, so X wouldn't accept a gay friend or family member. But surprisingly, this isn't always the case.

It's common for people to dismiss homophobes and homophobic comments as "ignorant", but not many people stop to think what that means. It means they're ignorant - lacking education on what homosexuality is, and what homosexuals are all about. And when somebody close to them comes out, it forces them to confront that homophobia. They think "I've always said gays are bad, but Soharo is gay, and I've always thought he was cool..." And yeah, sometimes people would rather stick with their ignorance. But a surprising number of people do come around. My brother was big with the "fag" jokes growing up, but he stopped the second I came out.

>>>Still, it would be weird to be with them, knowing that they know that I'm gay, and I dont know if I want that. Everytime we talk about masturbation or how opposite sex attract us, I have to pretend that I like girls and I masturbate fantasizing about them when it's not true, and lying all the time like that it's not pleasant.

The whole point of friends is having people we can share with, and we can be ourselves around. Although you have areas of common interests, you presumably have places you don't agree, too. You might like a different kind of movie, for instance, or a different type of music. And you just accept that about each other. You like this band, he likes that band, so what. You might not talk about those two bands much with each other, simply because you don't have much to say about his favorite band, but that doesn't mean you dislike him. You might listen to him talk about getting the new song from that band, and how much he likes it, but that's about all that'd be required.

That's the same thing with being gay. He'll like girls, you'll like guys. And because of that, he won't be able to talk about the hottest guy in school, or even want to hear much about who you think is hot...simply because he doesn't share the same interest. But then again, you won't have to pretend to find his women-crushes hot, either. So don't be too quick to say you shouldn't come out to him. If you think they'd be accepting, and you think you could use the support, feel free to do so.

Lex

 

Well first Welcome.
Second, you should be proud that you accept your gayness, especially at such a young age. Everyone wants to fit in to be like everyone else in high school.
Don’t worry about what your family will have to go through, your sexuality isn’t about them its about you.

As for the whole religious part of homosexuality, we’ve tackled it many times on this site we’ll do it again before long. The Bible says a lot of stuff is right and wrong, most of the illogical stuff has been toss aside (like no eating lobsters or clams or anything that doesn’t have fins.), but it always astounds me how people cling to homosexuality being wrong, like if you dismiss the rules you don’t like, but enforce the ones you do somehow it will “save” you.
As for the jokes your family makes, its just something people do, most of time they don’t really mean to be offensive. Like telling a racist joke, you wouldn’t say it in front of someone of that race.
Coming out to the family does seem to be toughest part, so don’t feel bad if it overwhelms you, it is hard. They’ve known you the longest and so having the way they view you change will seem odd.
As for how to do it there is no right or wrong way. You can tell them face to face, you can write a letter and just give it to them. Whatever makes YOU feel comfortable. Just know that they might freak a little. You’ve had time to come to terms with being gay they haven’t.

Good luck out there

 

Hi Soharo! Welcome to EC. This has been an honest thread with a lot of bravery on your part. Someone else mentioned getting through the denial phase at 17. I'm 26 and, yup, just accepted what has been there since Y2K or earlier. So while I read that you're scared and worried, I'm oddly jealous. The best years of your life are about to happen, and you can go into them being honest with yourself.

Telling others will come, when you decide you are ready. I'm so early in the coming out process, and terrified in many of the same ways you seem to be. That worst case scenario is an irritating little thought that gives me chills several times a day. Still trying to figure out how to deal with it, but these EC folks have some great advice. Good luck to you and keep posting!