1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Feedback me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Berbasexy, Oct 5, 2010.

  1. Berbasexy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    - I am 17 years old.

    - I find girls attractive but haven't had an crush on one for about 4/5 years.

    - I have a quiet / flamboyant personality and not much in between.

    - I have always had an obsessive crush on one and only one person, about 4 crushes in total, lasting an average of 3/4 years each. With breaks.

    - When I don't see this person for a while, I often find myself sexually attracted to pretty much every hot guy or girl I see.

    - I have never found any of my friends sexually attractive.

    - People generally think I'm straight.

    - The guy that I like at the moment is not a close friend, but I would consider him a friend of sorts. I've always found him attractive, and as I've gone through puberty have found him more and more so. I used to speak to him on almost a daily basis, and then it was a weekly basis, and then it was not at all. Over the years there have been hints that he likes me too but I can't be sure. And we're still there at the silence. And it's very awkward between us. The things that I used to say to him would now appear completely out of the blue. We used to be drawn to each other, like there was some greater force bringing us together, but now it's the opposite - even in the same room, we're always on opposite sides - and I get the kind of vibe that you get with an ex. girlfriend. The weird thing is that it's not sexual at all. With the way things are at the moment between us, I would be more than happy to just have him as a close friend, as the emotional feelings for him are far, far greater than the sexual ones, even if I do find him immensely attractive. To be fair though, I do just want to leap on him ever time I see him. I find myself wanting to do something outrageous and spontaneous to put him in a situation where he would show clearer signs of liking me or not but I just get scared of messing it up. Also I think I know much more about why we'd be suited to each other than he does, so he is probably doubtful. I'm getting used to the idea now that if anything is to happen, it'll most likely be me who has to take the initiative.

    - The reason I won't come out is that I still think that I'm straight. I want to have a wife, I want to have kids of my own, and in terms of sex... I've only ever found boys of my age attractive, so I figured that as I get older, I'll become exclusively attracted to women again. Also I only really like feminine men with feminine features.
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for. I don't see any issue with maintaining the "straight" tag for as long as you want. If it's not causing you any grief, and if it's not making things difficult to find people to date/sleep with, then there's no need to let anybody know. I know one guy who is attracted only to women AND effeminate men, and he insists he's straight. "Femmy guys are girls in my book." I think that's a rather convoluted way of looking at it, but whatever floats his boat.

    Here's the only part I have an issue with.

    "I've only ever found boys of my age attractive, so I figured that as I get older, I'll become exclusively attracted to women again..."

    Well, I was mainly attracted to guys my own age when I was 17, too. But that age range sort of moved along with mine. As I got older, I found older guys more attractive, and began losing interest in the younger ones. And I think that's how it generally works for people. I'm just a bit unclear why you feel being attracted to only guys that are your age is in any way indicative that it'll somehow "fade away" as you get older...

    Lex
     
  3. Berbasexy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Well, the theory is that I might just be perverted and like young, fresh boys.

    I guess I just can't see myself being attracted to men with lots of hair and... width.

    Anyway, the main issue is with the guy that I like at the moment... and how to break the ice with him, so to speak. It's hard since he seems to avoid me just as much as I avoid him.
     
  4. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    well, all I can say is life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.

    Maybe you’re afraid to come out because of the negative light homosexuals are painted in. On the side of: you want kids and a wife, maybe you’re only wanting them because if you are gay then you won’t have a wife (kids you can always adopt). You’re seeing what you won’t have as a gay opposed to what you will have.

    As for the “I’ve only found guys own age attractive” I think maybe your fooling yourself. Gayness doesn’t go away, its not a phase (no matter how many parents think so).
    I used think that myself, maybe if I try real hard I’ll like girls, and in fact there are a handful I’d consider having a sexual relationship with, but underneath it all I knew I a gay, and it made me miserable for years.

    You don’t have to have everything figured out right now, contrary to what people want you to believe, you have the time so take it. Figure out who you are and what you want. Let me repeat: THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT.

    That is all
     
  5. Berbasexy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    OK so I remembered something quite significant about why he might be avoiding me.

    Several months back, I kinda made a joke about him not being very attractive for some reason, I don't even remember it, but it was very much a straight-guy joke. I remember thinking for ages afterwards that it would be a great opportunity to affirm that he is a very attractive guy but I took too long over it and the moment passed. I regret that so much now and wish there was some way I could take it back.
     
  6. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, go make the joke now. Whatever the joke is. The fact that he'd be on your list of "guys you'd do" or whatever. At the very least, make a concerted effort to reach out and be friendly to him.

    >>>I guess I just can't see myself being attracted to men with lots of hair and... width.

    I'm partnered to such a guy now (and I AM such a guy now). And I sure as hell didn't fantasize about 40-something hairy fat guys when I was 17. Things change, my friend. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. ChefJohnny

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2010
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, VA
    Your situation is actually pretty close to what I was going through in high school. At the time I had been dating this chick for a few years but had started to have feelings for only one guy, my best friend. But everything I was feeling was only emotional, not sexual. (although, those feelings turned sexual down the road.)

    Anyway, the difference between your situation and mine is that my friend and I never had a "falling out" thing. We were (and still are) best friends. But I understand the feelings your having. Especially the

    " I would be more than happy to just have him as a close friend, as the emotional feelings for him are far, far greater than the sexual ones, even if I do find him immensely attractive."

    In my own situation, I dated that girl for 6 years. Yet all the while, wishing I was with my friend solely for how I felt when I was with him. This, in my opinion, was the catalyst for me realizing who I really was. Never before him did I have any feelings at all for another guy. I was just fine dating and having sex with girls. Everything changed after I met and became very close friends with him. And, obviously, I've led a very gay-riffic life since. He was the last person I came out to, for fear of losing him as my friend (I finally told him last year. His first words after I told him were "You're still my boy, and I still love you.)

    But, back to you. Don't disregard the feelings you have now. I wasn't attracted to older guys when I was 17. Hell, Im still not. Don't try to put a label on yourself when you're still trying to figure shit out. It took me until I graduated college to do that. You never know how life works. But, I do have to say that this, " I do just want to leap on him ever time I see him" is pretty gay. :wink: Tell him you want to be friends again. Get back to where you were before and go from there.

    - Johnny