I am a complete jerk to every person I've ever had a crush on. I'm out to absolutely everyone, and we've just started a new year at school. The new class under us has arrived, and there is this one boy... I have no clue his name or anything about him, but he is the most adorable boy I have ever laid eyes on. I just wanna put him in my pocket and never let him go. But, you see, I am a complete and utter jerk. I can't control it! Our school bus is crowded, you see, and as I got on to go home, there was one empty seat. On it was a black backpack belonging to this child. He's like, "Wait, gimme ma backpack!" So, me, whose normally the nicest guy since... ever, grabbed his backpack and threw it down the aisle, rolled my eyes and sat down. What a JERK. Fast forward, the next time I see him, my friend was sitting by him. She looks at me, and is like, "Isn't he the cutest boy ever?" He looks at me with his sick, disgusting wide brown eyes. The first thing I come up with..... "You look like an emo kid. Do you wear eyeliner?" AAHHHH! I want to get this kid out of my head. We don't even know each other. I have no clue if he likes boys or girls (he certainly seems gay... but he might just be the effiminate cute straight guy who gets all the girls. euch). I need to stop this, people. What should I do? I crack under sexual pressure. Like talc.
But I don't want to come off as creepily nice... Like... "Hello, I'm some weird upperclassmen who finds you incredibly attractive although you are probably straight... I think about you a lot even though I don't know your name... Please love me, stranger..." I know it's an overexaggeration. I guess I'll be nicer. I'll try, at least.
The way I see, I think you see it as too polar. It doesn't have to be one way or another. You can be nice to someone without coming off as overly friendly. The thing to remember is that just because you aren't being a jerk doesn't mean that you are coming off as overly nice. There is plenty of middle ground.
But what if he doesn't even care about my existence? How do I strike up a conversation, or hopefully a friendship with this kid? I think I should just forget about it. He's prolly straight anywho.
Yeah, just try to be a little nicer, but if it makes you feel better, I have a simmilar problem, I am not out yet, but all of my crushes hate me, sigh, so I do know how you feel, just try to be a little nicer. maybe try to be friends and then see if he is interested Also, if you want to talk about it, feel free to pm me, or aim me.
Total jerk. Thats not a good thing to do because if the kid is gay/bi then being mean to them doesnt help you ..one bit. The meanier the worst it gets.
Excuse me if I sound like a middle aged mum, but that's what I am, You might start by taking your courage in both hands and simply apologise for having behaved like that. Say you don't know what came over you, that you're sorry and would he like to hang out with you sometime to see that you are not really a jerk. That would really take some courage but it's either that or you've blown you chances with this guy... put yourself in his shoes! I think you did it to make him notice you, well that's done! Now you just have to show him the real you and not the jerk you. Good luck
What Louise advises is the right thing to do. Your statement that you are a jerk to anyone you have a crush on is a bit telling. Even though you are out to everyone you likely haven't fully accepted who you are, thus when it comes to liking someone you have a greater fear of being rejected in part because of it. There are different levels we all engage with people that can be view as also taking varying degrees of risk. When liking someone our risk becomes higher as we are exposing more of ourselves, our feelings of appreciation of that other person, thus opening more of our deeper selves than our general public self. Doing so exposes us to possible hurt if that person of interest rejects us. With that fear lingering and your sensitivity to it, you, instead of taking that chance of hurt form a defense against your possible rejection by rejecting that person of interest first. You do not mean it and don't desire it, but you do it because of feelings that have happened in the past as the result of the sting of any form of rejection. In order to have friends, one must be friendly. Part of that is being able to be approached but also willing to approach someone else. That other person has his own fears and worries that you don't see, but overall are pretty much what you have too. Yes it is a risk, but you can be friendly and approach the situation slowly and let it progress at a natural pace instead of feeling it is an all or nothing approach (total rejection or total acceptance). Meanwhile try to be more accepting of yourself and be gentler with yourself. I hope the situation can be turned around for you.
I will cheerfully beat you over the head with a bludgeon. SNAP OUT IT MAN. Geeze louise. If you can't communicate w/ him without coming off as a jerk then practice talking to yourself in the mirror, or take a surprise picture of him with you camera phone and pretend to talk to that or talk to your teddy bear.. oh bleehhh. Go for it. Just let it spill out.
STOP! if you want any chance with him you need to stop and no you don't have to be creepy nice and you don't have to be a complete jerk either just find something in the middle of too nice and jerk you can be nice without being creepy.
If you are afraid what he thinks bout you, be who you are, and dont have to care about what he thinks or what so ever happens But before you act, press the Pause Button tho, make sure the right act, let the 'control your mind" be activated I know hwo you feel, it's like you both hate him as hell and want to own him badly. Just forget about those thoughts, dont care, dont care, be a normal friend But, if you continue to act like that, you're losing your chnaces, just calm down, and let yoru midn relax. Stop right away f you start to act liek a jerk again and dont be too creepy Sounds hard, yeha, but it'll be easy if you let things flow, taht dosent mean let your jerkiness flow Do Not Be Jealous, It's The Weakness!
Uhhh. Thanks a lot for the help, guys. Especially you, Louise. The funny thing is, I'm NOT a mean guy at all. In fact, I'm pretty popular, and a lot of people think I'm really nice. I talked to the kid again. I got on the bus, and he was the only other one on, and I could hear his earbuds from clear across the bus. "You listenin' to Chiodos?" I say. "Yup." He says. "You know, I don't really like how they're so mainstream now." "Really? No one really knows about them." "All the sophomores do. It's kinda getting old. I still like MCR better." "Ever listened to AFI?" "Yup." "I like their old stuff better." Then the conversation kinda stopped when his friend got on the bus. ACTUALLY. One of his freshmen friends is in my French class. Would it be weird if I asked him about the other boy? Oh, and one of my freshmen female-friends knows him, and knows I have a crush on him. I just hope he doesn't find out and gets freaked out. Thanks for the advice. I'll just have to kidnap him.
