I finally managed to get my head on straight, but now that I can think straight, theres a lot of stuff eating at me. Many little tiny pointless things, I keep thinking about what Im going to do after school, when I will move out, when I will get a job, when and if I learn to drive, tiny little things like that. But theres one thing thats buggin me more than any. I have been thinking about the inevitable 'talk' with my parents about my sexuality. I have been sloshing it around in my head, I have run through a few scenarios, and come up with two outcomes. I talk to them about it, get it over and done with nice and quick, and we all move on with our lives. The alternative is that I dont tell them, ever, and live in the closet for the rest of my life, or at least the rest of their lives. Whats puzzling me is that at the moment I am favouring the second option. I cant begin imagine how awful being stuffed away in the closet for the rest of my life would be, but it seems easier to me than talking to my parents about it. Im really confused right now. I dont want to tell them, but I dont want to go much longer without them knowing. It isnt even the conversation I am dreading, I am paranoid that they will think differently of me once they know Im gay. They are the sort of people who reason that the things people do are attributed to their lifestyle, not their personality. I feel like they would be constantly thinking, 'Oh, hes doing that because hes gay' or 'Oh, so thats why he does that, because hes gay'. I want them to realise that I dont do the things I do because of my sexuality, or even any other aspect of my life. I do things because I'm me, my interests and sexuality have nothing to do with the way I act. I know this sounds stupid, and Im probably just being paranoid about it. I just cant decide what I want at the moment.
Hi Bario, First of all, (*hug*) Second of all, I'm in the same boat you are in to an extent. The thought of coming out to my parents is something I can't really even bare to think about. At this rate, I intend on staying closeted to them for a while, and I'm not sure if I'll ever come out to them. Of course, this attitude is certain not an optimal one, and I hope you can muster the strength to tell your parents before I tell mine. Your fears are valid. The only advice I can offer you is that it will take time once you do tell them you are gay. It'll be a learning curve for them to understand that you are who you are because of who you are, and not because you're a homosexual. If they truly love you, it will be a mutual effort kind of thing. Once you tell them, just be sure to emphasize that you're the same person you've always been. You paint a picture of your parents as naive, perhaps, but certainly not hateful. I wish you all the best. (*hug*) -Glen
I dont mean to say they are naive, I just worry that when I come out to them I will forever be Patrick, their gay son. I dont want ot be Patrick the gay son, I want to be Patrick the son. I know that at least for a while they will think like this, and I dont want them to at all. I dont want to be forever labeled by my sexuality, or anything else for that matter. I dont want to be Patrick the nerdy one, nor do I want to be Patrick the one who thinks pirates are cool. I know they will label me even if only for the first few days afterwards, but why should they have to label me for this, if they dont label me for anything else. Sometimes I feel as if I am expected to come out, and thats the only reason I ever plan to. I feel like I am supposed to, and that I will never have a good reason for coming out other than 'Im supposed to'. But its nice to know that these thoughts arent stupid, and that someone, somewhere out there is going through all this aswell. Thanks.
None of us are blank people with just a name, people will use characteristics to think of people. Like in my class last year, there were two people called Mark. So there was Tall Mark and Short Mark (though both were taller than me). Or someone could be known as a redhead. So some people might think of some of us here as the gay one, but who cares, as long as it's not the only thing they care about. And I would seriously doubt your parents would think of you in just that way. Yes, when you tell them, it will be one more thing about you they know, and it might take some time for them to get used to that, but I'd be surprised if there wasn't so much more about you that they will also think about, all the things that you did growing up, things you interested. Being gay is part of who you are, so you can't get away from it being a component of how people will think of you, but those who know you best will think of many other things too.
Thanks, this has helped a lot. I am not trying to disassociate myself with my sexuality or anything, nor do I want people to not acknowledge it. I just dont want people to associate it with my hobbies and stuff. For example: A couple years ago, I bought something off ebay. It was a collectible little plush Pikmin (super nerd purchase). My dads first comment on it when I asked him if he could do the transaction for me was, "Humph, thats a bit gay isnt it?" Thats what I am afriad of. I didnt buy it because im gay, I bought it because it is adorable, and squishy, and mostly because I like it. I do things because Im me, not because Im gay. Just because I play games with tiny flower men dancing around, and rainbows everywhere you look, it doesnt mean anything. I guess it is a silly thing to worry about, but no matter how much I deny it, I live off of other peoples opinions of me. I cant stand the thought that people are talking about me behind my back, or that they are scrutinising me in their head. But your advice has helped me, I am already planning to talk to my Mum about this this weekend.
