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this thread again...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Odradek, Oct 8, 2010.

  1. Odradek

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    All but family
    So I know that there are many threads asking the same question, but alas I am creating another one.

    the question is: gay or bi? at 13/14ish, I was totally sure I was gay, I had had a lot of crushes on girls, I had even come out to my mom (I only have the one parent) and several (20ish) friends. Then last year I dated a guy for a few months. It was fun for a while, and I wanted to be intimate with him, but the only time we actually kissed I was freaked out the whole time, waiting for it to be over. I felt really bad, and angry at myself for not relaxing and enjoying it properly. He broke up with me not long after that, and I was devastated, but more because I no longer had a best friend than because of not having a boyfriend.

    So, onto this year. This summer I went to a camp and fell for a girl I've been friends with for a long time and later in the summer we had driver's Ed together. I couldn't stop thinking about her. We started writing letters (we live in the same town but are the kind of people who write letters anyway) and eventually I came out to her as bi (did not tell her I like her). she said she was ok with that, it didn't bother her. I believe her to be completely straight. I try not to think so much about the fact that I can't have her...

    Right now I know there is a boy who likes me, and I find it hard not to flirt with him. He is sweet, and I can picture myself dating him, going to dances, maybe kissing. But I never randomly get the urge to kiss him, or the need for him, or the need for any guy, and those things have happened to me around girls I like.

    So, in conclusion, I definitely know I am attracted to girls, but I like boys emotionally, and I still think that there are hot guys, and I can see myself maybe marrying a guy. I am not turned on by straight sex at all, but I honestly think if I was a guy I would be gay. I have come out to a few people as gay, but lately if anyone asks I say bi, but I think that's kind of an opt out answer. so... gay or bi?? I would like to come out to more friends, I would like to be able to be out enough so girls notice me, and I need a better answer. what do you think?
    :help:
     
  2. Black Cat

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    Well, you could always just go with the good old fashioned, "Labels are for soup" approach. Just tell them you're omni-sexual if all else fails (I always liked that word, personally - it sounds so scientific).

    I'm more concerned with the fact that you feel a need to categorize yourself. You like what or who you like; there is no need to compartmentalize ourselves. Just go with whatever feels right. If that happens to be guys on Mondays and girls on the weekends then that is fine. As long as you’re happy and no one gets hurt.
     
  3. Odradek

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    The thing is, I'm not really happy with being that undefined. I understand the appeal, and probably that it's more accurate, but concrete is nice too.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Your label is "I haven't figured it out yet". And that's a completely honest answer, and not a surprising one at age 15. Yeah, it'd be nice to simply KNOW. But the label is what you arrive based on what you know, not what you try to live up to (or down to) because that's the one you picked. Right now, stick with "possibly bi, still working on it". And see what happens.

    Lex
     
  5. Elven

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    I think I can understand, I take it you just want to give people a straight answer without telling them one thing and worrying about what you said later? Though people may disagree with me as they may see it as increasing the steriotype that bi's are just undecided, if you really want to come out and don't want to give a vague answer though it may be honest that may make you seem like "it's just a phase" to those who would see it that way, i'd continue to say you are bi or as lex said "possibly bi, still working on it" as it is hardly a lie since you value aspects of both males and females, you can amend it later if neccisary.
     
    #5 Elven, Oct 9, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2010
  6. Holmes

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    Between 12 and 22 I went through times when I felt I was definitely gay, very much predominantly straight or clearly bi. I can understand the desire to be comfortable with one label or other, so that you have some idea of who you might date in the coming years. At the moment, I'd think you're best off saying your bi, or somewhere in the middle.

    In my case, I'm now fairly much 95% gay, so these things tend to settle over time, it's the nature of adolescence. Particularly as you look for more stable relationships, it should be clearer. Reading your post on that basis, I think you do seem to be gay, on the grounds that it's really about which sex or both you could have a relationship based on both sexual and emotional attraction. But there's no law against lesbians kissing or dating boys, if that's what you want to do either.