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You guys! I need help! It's urgent.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mind Freak, Oct 10, 2010.

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  1. Mind Freak

    Mind Freak
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    Ok. Last night after work a coworker asked me if I could take him home because he didn't have any other way to get home. He said it was only 20 minutes away and I'd be home before 1:45. He gave me $20 in gas btw.

    So I drove him there and he lives in the middle of nowhere by the way which I didn't know. He asked me to stop at his friends house so his friend would take him home and I did. I think it was really just a drug trade though. :confused:

    So he said they wouldn't give him a ride so I went to another house to see if they would give him a ride and they wouldn't either.

    So I went to a third house, house cousins and he asked me to get out with him. I did, his cousin looked like she was strung out on something though cause she was like rolling her neck and holding this cat all weird. So I went and got back in the car. Before all this happens he was asking me if I was gay, I told him I liked both.

    Back to us being in the car he was like "so why haven't you tried anything with a guy." and then he puts his hand on my inner thigh and before that he touched my chest too. The way he was talking to me and looking at me made me feel like he was trying to come on to me or something and he's like 45. It felt weird and creepy and I didn't like it.

    Bottom line, he definitely shouldn't have touched me like that and I'm pretty sure he was doing drugs so should I tell mangement about it? And what about my mom? I didn't get home until like 4:30 AM instead of 1:45 like I was supposed to and she hasn't spoken to me today so I'm pretty sure she's pissed.

    I don't know what to do or what to tell who. : /

    Help!
     
    #1 Mind Freak, Oct 10, 2010
  2. Shevanel

    Shevanel
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    Form of Sexual Harassment, you seem to be pretty bothered by it, I'd tell your boss.

    As for your mom? I don't know, if you're up for it, Honesty is usually the best policy.
     
    #2 Shevanel, Oct 10, 2010
  3. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Ok..

    Middle of nowhere
    Woman rolling her neck holding a cat
    Touching your thighs , when he knows your a teen.

    Theres something wrong there, I think you should avoid taking him home, and being alone with him.
     
    #3 Z3ni, Oct 10, 2010
  4. malachite

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    Everything about this scream wrong. First off if this guy asks for a ride again, the answer should be, "no!"
     
    #4 malachite, Oct 10, 2010
  5. ArabMan

    ArabMan
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    "The way he was talking to me and looking at me made me feel like he was trying to come on to me or something and he's like 45."

    Hello?! Yes, he definitely was coming on to you. I think you should talk about it with your boss and confront him with it and tell him that he made you feel uncomfortable and you were caught off guard by his behaviour and ask him not to do this ever again.

    But it's important that you tell your boss.

    About your mom, tell her the truth :slight_smile:

    Good luck
     
    #5 ArabMan, Oct 10, 2010
  6. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Was he making a move on you? Yes. Was it creepy? I'll say yes. Not because older guys shouldn't make moves on younger guys, but because 1. you might be on opposite sides of age-of-consent laws, and 2. he dragged you out on a wild goose chase and THEN made a move on you.

    That said, apparently, that's all the further it went. You apparently got the message across that you weren't interested, and he pulled back. Given that, I'd give him a pass, and not bother telling anybody. However, I'd say you're done giving him a ride home, or even hanging out with him much in work-related areas.

    Lex
     
    #6 Lexington, Oct 10, 2010
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    I strongly disagree with Lex.

    The guy deliberately lied to you, dragged you to 3 or 4 places. He was manipulating you, and I'm sorry, but a 45 year old guy coming on in a car, way out in the middle of nowhere, with somebody who is 18 or 20 or 22, let alone 17... is just completely wrong and really fucking gross.

    Report him to your employer, both about the sexual harassment and about the possible drug use. The employer has a potential liability issue... if this guy has done this with you, he may have, or may in the future, do the same with someone else, and there are lots of cases where an employer has been held vicariously liable, so it's up to the employer to decide what to do with the information. Hopefully they will drug test him and if he tests positive, get him some help or do something that will move him in the direction of making a change in his life.
     
    #7 Chip, Oct 10, 2010
  8. Mind Freak

    Mind Freak
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    Yeah. I won't be interacting with him much at all if I can avoid it. I'm just grossed out by it honestly. Not just because of his age but how the night panned out and he even told me that he picked me for a reason. Ew.

    I feel like a moron for being naive and trusting him. That could have went soo terribly wrong and I just feel like an idiot for letting it happen and having my trust like spat on.

    I'm really annoyed with myself and I can't help but feel disgusted for some reason.

    And my mom still hasn't spoken to me and I don't even know what I would say to her about it. Getting home at 4:30 AM is ridiculous I recognize and understand that, and I'm sure she was worried. If I don't tell her what happened it's going to probably ruin what little faith she has in me (for whatever reason my parents like to think I'm always up to no good) and if I if her the truth she's going to make it a big thing. Either way I'm screwed and I was just trying to be nice and helpful.

    How did that happen?

    And if I tell my manager I'm going to feel guilty and I didn't even do anything wrong! I feel like if I tell my manager I'm going to mess up his life or something you know? Like I'm shaken by him but I don't want to mess up his life even if what he was doing was wrong. Like I would prefer for the cards to fall in a way that he gets busted without me being involved in it. You know?
     
    #8 Mind Freak, Oct 10, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2010
  9. Lexington

    Lexington
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    >>>and he even told me that he picked me for a reason.

    OK, let me revise my post. He's a creep and should be reported.

    >>>I feel like if I tell my manager I'm going to mess up his life or something you know?

    He's 45 (or something) and hitching rides home from 17-year-old fellow employees in an attempt to get into their pants. His life is already messed up.

    Report him.

    Lex
     
    #9 Lexington, Oct 10, 2010
  10. Chip

    Chip
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    Delicate. Your mom will, understandably, be worried about what you *didn't* tell her (yet), and may be worried when you do tell her. But I would err on the side of honesty, even if it might be difficult. Maybe tell her it was hard to come clean with her because you feel embarrassed about being suckered in to the whole thing and that isn't the sort of people you have any interest in being anywhere near.

    No, *telling your manager* won't mess up his life. His ill-advised idea to target you and act on it is what messed up his life. And if you *don't* tell your manager, the pattern will repeat with someone else, who might not have the resources you have to talk to people about what happened, and that could be really bad.

    By telling your manager, you're helping to ensure that it won't happen to others in your workplace in the future, and you just may be starting a chain of events that ends up in this guy getting the help that he needs.

    I hear what you're saying, but... that's exactly why so many people are able to continually harm others with no recourse... because good people like you decide it isn't worth their trouble to do the right thing. Remember that if you *don't* tell and he does this again, something much worse could happen... and something bad could happen to your employer or to your manager, for not being on the ball enough to realize there's an issue.

    This guy is 45, not 18. He KNOWS what the bounds of reasonable behavior are, and he chose to violate them. Likely, he's been doing so for a long time. So you can either be yet another in a string of guys he's come on to, who just let it slide... or you can be the one to stand up not only for yourself, but for others in the future who might not have the strength to do so.

    All of that said... it's a choice you need to make for yourself. And I can understand why it might be problematic for you. Just think it through and make a decision, after weighing everything, that you feel ok with.
     
    #10 Chip, Oct 10, 2010
  11. RedState

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    You are extremely lucky that nothing else happened. Alone, out in the middle of no where, going to strange houses on some wild goose chase....something REALLY bad could have happened.

    He picked you for a reason?
    That is just creepy.

    I think you need to tell your supervisors. Not just because of the trying to force himself on you, but the guy could have come close to violating the law (depending on what your state's age of consent laws are). And besides, he will probably try it again with someone else, and that person may not be as lucky as you.

    As far as the drugs, I don't know what I would do with that one. I mean, did you actually see him taking drugs or just going on a hunch? Just because some crazy lady with a cat in a house is acting weird doesn't mean he was actually doing drugs.

    So...I'm not sure if I would say anything about that one, unless you actually saw him doing it.

    But, it still comes down to this: He tried to prey on a 17 year old and he is creepy and someone needs to know about it. He's creepy and old enough to know better.

    I can understand the whole "not wanting to get involved" thing....but it's a judgement call you're gonna have to make.

    I would say something though. Just my 2 cents worth.
     
    #11 RedState, Oct 12, 2010
  12. Mind Freak

    Mind Freak
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    Thanks a lot for all of the advice! I appreciate it. I'm still a little nervous. We work the same shift Wednesday so I'll let you know how it goes. If he does or says anything weird tomorrow I'll let my manager know, if he doesn't I still may let the manager know assuming I grow a pair and stop being chicken.

    Two ladies I work with kind of guessed that he came on to me without me saying anything but that it was weird and I'll never do that again. I told them he touched my thigh but that's all I told them they say they won't tell him and I hope they don't. We'll see, I'll keep you all posted. And I still haven't told my mom everything, just that I gave him a ride, hit a woodland creature, and got lost. If she knew the truth it would get real ugly and I'm afraid I would lose control of the situation. So for now, she's in the dark but if it escalates I'll definitely tell her.
     
    #12 Mind Freak, Oct 12, 2010
  13. Chip

    Chip
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    Sounds like you are handling this with responsibility and maturity. IF the ladies figured it out, that indicates to me that they may have reason to believe he's done it before... all the more reason to tell your manager.

    I know it's a challenge, and I can infer from your post that you know it's the right thing to do. Just do your best to screw up all your courage and tell your manager. I am sure that he would want to know, and will take whatever action is appropriate.
     
    #13 Chip, Oct 13, 2010
  14. Mind Freak

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    Hello all! Just thought I would update you on my situation with the creeper. It's still awkward for me to interact with him; I'd rather not actually. I didn't tell anyone else other than the two women I work with. A couple weeks ago he kind of grabbed me by my side like close to my waist and pulled me into him and started squeezing my side though. So I was like pressed into his gut. It was really awkward and kind of painful.

    What happened was that I didn't give him any tables because I didn't know he was taking any so he was like "boy if you don't stop messing with my money..." i don't remember exactly what he said but I do remember getting grabbed and pulled into him and him talking into my ear.

    Yuckmeister.

    I'm sure he could feel that I was trying to pull away but he didn't let go, and a another waiter (waitor? idk how to spell it we'll blame fatigue lol) just watched it happen and left me!

    This man is so bizarre. And him grabbing me didn't really scare me, it just made me really uncomfortable and I should have said something to him then but I was too caught off guard (again) to really do anything but try to scoot away.

    So I should probably say something to a manager for real now right?
     
    #14 Mind Freak, Nov 30, 2010
  15. Beachboi92

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    REPORT HIM FOR GOD SAKES
    that is way over the line, you are 17 he knows you are and he is touching you inappropriately and against your will. Frankly its disgusting and he needs to get fired. Please god do it or else he will continue to do this shit to you over and over till he can get what he wants.
     
    #15 Beachboi92, Nov 30, 2010
  16. hairdye

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    where do you work again? whats the phone number? cause heck, if you're not gonna report him, the rest of us will. This is vile. If not for yourself, do it for the next teenager he might go after.
     
    #16 hairdye, Nov 30, 2010
  17. Mind Freak

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    Would you? Lol. Oh my gosh I'm such a wuss! :frowning2: can I just say that I'm also worried that if he gets fired or something that he'll come back and shoot up the place or something. Y'all don't think me saying something could make the situation worse?
     
    #17 Mind Freak, Nov 30, 2010
  18. midwestblues

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    If he's doing meth or crack he very well might try to take revenge, on who exactly is a wild guess. From what you've said, it sounds like you need to get a new job. Not primarily because of the creeper himself, but just the fact that so many people there, almost surely including people in management, know what's going on with him and refuse to take action. Yes it's unfair that you have to leave because of other people irresponsibilities, but that's exactly why I had to quit my job: undesirable co-workers combined with a management team that wouldn't hold them accountable.
     
    #18 midwestblues, Nov 30, 2010
  19. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Make a move. Next time he goes to touch you, touch him back. Preferably with a large degree of violence. If he grabs you by the side, shove him away. If he holds tight, yell "LET GO OF ME, YOU PERV" and aim a closed fist - HARD - straight at a vulnerable spot. The throat is a good one, and less likely to be misinterpreted than a shot to the junk.

    Lex
     
    #19 Lexington, Dec 1, 2010
  20. Moonstrike

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    If you're worried it might happen again or if you feel violated to a worthy extent then you should tell your boss or/and tell the guy to back off.

    Otherwise go on like normal but make it clear that you dont want anything to do with him if he hints at anything and dont give him a lift ever again.
     
    #20 Moonstrike, Dec 1, 2010
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