This summer, I went to camp far away from anyone I knew and by the end of it, everyone there knew that I was gay. Coming home and going back into the closet was a huge change. I've realized that what's preventing me from being so open at home is the fact that I already know so many people here. They'd all be very supportive if I were to come out, so I'm not really sure why I don't have the nerve to tell them. What should I do now? I know several people my age who already completely out, and I feel as if I'm really missing out on a better life by remaining closeted.
Hi there! Do you feel ready to come out to the people that you know well? Even though you know all would be supportive, it is possible that you still feel that it is not the right time for you just yet. Given that you know a lot of people at home, a part of you could be afraid that you could lose control over your coming out process. On the other hand, maybe you just need a bit of encouragement. You already have a good motivation to come out: Use that to motivate yourself to think a bit more about how you want to start your coming out process. Also, try to stand in front of the mirror, and just say out loud: "I want to come out to this person and this person" and see how you feel. If you feel good while saying it, and feel that it is the right thing and right time for you to come out, maybe give it a try. Coming out can be hard, especially to people that we know for some time. But you already know one important fact: the people that you know would be supportive. Use that to remind yourself that when you do decide to come out that the chances of your coming out going well, are almost guaranteed. Start with a friend that you trust or with someone that you know who is already out and knows you well. Then, try to take him or her aside, or maybe meet up at your favourite place in town, invite her or him for a bite to eat and take it from there. Start building your support network. What could also help, is joining a LGBT youth group in your area. Maybe have a look online and see if you can find something. Maybe think about what is that you want your friends and family to know and how you want to let them know.
I'll guess that part of what you're feeling is the fact that you already know so many people who know you as "straight" so by coming out to them... you have to acknowledge that you weren't being truthful. That's a stumbling block for a lot of people, but honestly, i never hear of anyone getting highly offended because a person came out and lied about their sexuality earlier. Another issue is that it's simply change, and this sort of change -- where you're making yourself really vulnerable -- is always scary. One of the tips I give people with any sort of growth is to explore where they are. If they think about making whatever change it is, if it's so frightening that just the thought of it freaks you out beyond belief... you probably aren't ready. But if you think about it and are scared, nervous, anxious... but still realize it's important... you are probably ready to do it. If that's the case, then one thing that can help is to set yourself deadlines. "I'm going to come out to one person by November 1st"... or whatever it might be. If it's really hard to come out, a lot of people are using text and email these days, it makes it safer and less intense. And nobody gets offended by that either. Keep us in the loop and update us as you decide what to do
