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Back where I started

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bario, Oct 16, 2010.

  1. Bario

    Bario Guest

    I recently came out to a few friends, they were cool about it, and I was happy. The next day I decided to post a facebook status update coming out to anyone who wanted to know. The plan was that my other friends would see it and I would have come out to them. One of my friends thought I was talking about killing myself, which was strange, at the least, but after that was cleared up things were good.
    I thought all was well, I was out to all my friends, and I couldn't have been happier. But that afternoon I entered a chat with one of my friends, and he told me that I should get a girlfriend...This sorta ruined the whole day for me.
    I asked him if he was being serious, and after he said yes, I directed him towards my post. He felt bad about it, and things got kinda awkward for a few seconds, but it went better than I had expected. The conversation just went on after that, it wasnt awkward at all. I have never really felt proud of being gay, not to say I am ashamed of it, but I started feeling really, I dont know how to describe it. I guess you could say proud, or carefree would be a better way to describe it. After he had seen the post he said "Oh...", and to my surprise, my response to that was "TADAAH!"
    But it got me to thinking, if he didnt read it, who else didnt?
    I reasoned that most people would have seen it, and that everything was fine. But just this afternoon another friend decided he would imply that I was gay, to mess with me, y'know the way idiot teenagers are. He said "Pat likes looking at pictures of hairy naked men", I say "eww, hairy", he says "You said it, not me". Obviously he hadnt read my coming out post either.
    Now I am getting all stressed. Who else am I not out to? Am I as far out of my closet as I think I am? I dont want to have to ask each of my friends individually, "Hey, did you read that post on facebook where I came out?". And I dont want to start going back in, I like being out, it feels great. But I feel like I am slowly being stuffed back into the repugnant, moudly closet from wence I came.
    Another thing, I don't know if I am taking things too fast. I only first came out to a friend a month or so ago, and now I am (kinda) out to all my friends. I know that it is entirely up to me to decide how I do it, and how fast is too fast, but I don't know what I am comfortable with. I don't know if I am going to regret it later.
    It has really put a damper on everything, and I am all paranoid now. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Gumtree

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    Tonight alone I had 4 FB friends 'come out' via Facebook.

    All of course were jokes, by people messing with other peoples profiles.

    It happens on an almost nightly basis, and sometimes people are really subtle about it, making it seem real.

    I've become desensitised to 'coming outs' on FB because of it, and I know a lot of other people habe as well.

    Perhaps this is relevant to you?

    But, back to 'you'. :slight_smile:

    1. Facebook is a great social medium, but remember word of mouth will always be the best. Now that the few friends who did read it know you're officially 'out', I'm sure they'll hold no inhibitions about spreading it.

    2 Please note, being 'out' doesn't at all mean 'other people know', it just means you don't actively conceal it.
     
  3. malachite

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    So, not everyone reads your interested in status on FB, don't use FB as a way of not having to tell people you're gay. I don't think this is a set back, like you said he was cool with it.

    I think you can't put how you feel into words because you're becomeing used to being gay, that is to say you're becomeing ok with being gay. That is a good thing. Don't sweat the small stuff, its just small stuff
     
  4. Bario

    Bario Guest

    Thanks, both of you, you've really helped.
    It never really occured to me that there was a difference between being 'out' and having people know about it. I guess I was expecting more than a simple block of text could offer.
    I dont care anymore, I am going to start just letting things happen. i have given my life that extra push, and now I just have to wait for the rest of the peices to fall in place.
    I guess I am still getting comfortable witht he whole thing. I thought I was, but if I am comfortable with it, why would I be worrying so much.
    But thanks again, you've been a great help.
     
  5. malachite

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    I felt the same way when I came out, once you get there and look back you'll wonder why it seemed so hard at the time