Hi guys, I am muddled (what's new?!) about 'identity' sort of stuff. I am tossing up between two extremes really, and I can't work out how I feel about me, and what/who I want to be. Ookay, so it came up today because I tried on a pretty dress, and I NEVER wear dresses. It looked good on me, but I didn't buy it because I know that every time in the past I have bought a dress, I have only worn it once. I just feel more comfy in pants. But wearing dresses and skirts makes me feel totally different to wearing pants. At one end of the spectrum, I totally want to look like a guy, and wear guy's clothes. At the other end, I very occasionally feel like dressing up and being all girly. I can't work this out! And I also can't work out how much is coming from inside, and how much is pressure to look 'gay'. Like, if image didn't matter at all, then maybe I would wear dresses more often. But image does matter, and I really want to look boyish and gay. I am anti-femme for some reason. But maybe it's not image that much, because I didn't wear dresses often even when I thought I was straight. ARGH I know you're probably thinking "who cares, just wear whatever you want on the day", but it's not making sense for me. What I wear changes how I feel about myself a lot. Anyone want to make any suggestions/ask any questions to help me work this one out?? :icon_redf
And that's completly normal. What I wear changes how I feel about myself too. Some days (most of the days) I feel like wearing jeans with boots and whatever kind of colored T-shirt because it's how I feel comfortable and confident about myself. On other occasions, I can wear skirts or dresses with boots or high heels because it make me feel pretty and feminine and I like that too. On other days, I feel like wearing sport clothes with basket shoes (usualy when I'm having PE in my time table, or on the weekends at home) because it makes me feel comfortable. And on some occasions, I can wear very formal kind of clothes, like suits, because I want to look smart. These clothes look different and make me feel different when I am wearing them. But they just all express different part of my personnality, or different state of mind. You can wear boyish clothes most part of the time because it makes you feel good about yourself, and every once in a while wearing a dress if you feel like it. There is nothing strange about that. All that matters is that you feel happy about what you're wearing. Take care (*hug*) Cécile
I'd also love to point out that clothes define how people might perceive us but they will never define who we are. Because if they would, I wouldn't be gay. LOL. Look, clothes are just an expression on how we feel, is the same as with our hair or make-up if we decide to use any. It's a way of expressing how we feel, how we are, how we're doing. It is soooo normal for you to feel like you are caught in the middle but there's no reason to feel like in the middle of the storm for a piece of fabric. If you feel a little uncomfortable (or "odd", eh?) in dresses, you could try and mix it up a bit, so for example get dresses that would go fine, let's say for example with some converse instead of heels. Or you could wear very little make-up to give a "no makeup" impression, or you could also try to get male-like vests that could look cool with skirts. Or sort of a top hat with a black dress would look totally cool, still feminine but with a very masculine look. You know, next time you go shopping, think outside the box. Ask the people at the store about some combination that can be affordable but look good, or if you have some wiggle room on your budget, go to a tailor and have some dresses or skirts done *your* way. Or learn how to sew and do them yourself! That would become a great hobby. Whatever you decide to go with, good luck! =D
I know how you feel. A few months ago, I kept going from butch to heeled goth every other day. that was okay, but i never seemed to be comfortable, because i couldnt seem to find my identity in either femme or butch. I think that was because i wasn't out, though, and i was trying to put on a show to pretend i was straight. But things have changed now, and i havent worn a skirt in months. I like it that way. no more having to pretend. Its really up to you. if you feel uncomfortable in skirts, dont wear them. If you don't, then wearing them is fine. you dont have to be either butch or femme.
