I'm bored, so I thought I'd ask a question, if that's okay. Ever had a time at least once where a (straight) person gives you that weird looking face whenever you do even something remotely gay? I mean like hugging your friend in public, holding your friend's hand (maybe because it's cold? :icon_wink ), or even a simple arm-around-the-shoulder? I mean, sometimes it gets downright annoying, even if you are doing something with the least gay thought in your mind and yet people shutter. One of my best friends is like that. He detests hugs by guys including me, walks away quickly even if I lay a single finger on him, but somehow likes our friendship anyway. Is this typical homophobic mindset or just not wanting to stand out or both?
Some straight people are just really, really unused to gay displays of any sort and are kinda hyper-vigilant about anything that is not macho/butch/straight. If you think about, it makes a lot of sense because the absolute worst thing a guy can be is a sissy/pansy/fag--that's how it's constructed in Western society, as like the ultimate downfall. So various things as we're growing up teach us that any display of affection between guys (except on the sports field where a guy's masculinity is unimpeachable) is absolutely verboten. I have an even better example than a straight guy acting this way: I've seen a lot of gay guys, especially newly-out gay guys, freak out when something "gay" is performed in public. Plus I think in a lot of cases the guys shuddering don't want to face the fact that maybe they want/need affection from other guys (most people are quite desirous of affectionate touch) or, in less common but certainly not unheard of cases, want/need a lot MORE from other guys than just the occasional hug. That is, "traditional masculinity" is constructed in such a way that even the admission of needing something seen as "emotional" (and thus feminine and weak) is a betrayal of one's strong, rugged, individualistic manhood. So for a straight guy to actually find himself enjoying close contact with another guy is a complete and total mindfuck, because it not only makes him have to question his own manhood and sexuality but it also forces him to confront the fact that maybe his notions of manhood and masculinity are pretty fucked up, and having your worldview challenged, especially on something as essential as your notions of gender, is something that very, very few people can handle. Most people are sheep and prefer to move as the herd moves. Marching to the beat of your own drummer is not something most people have the strength to do. And being gay in Western society--while not as difficult as it was 50, 40, or even 10 years ago--requires a lot of questioning of assumptions most people don't even realise ARE assumptions. For gay people the incentive to interrogate these assumptions is pretty strong; it's like either they do it or they live miserable and quite often suicidal lives. For straight people, there's little to no incentive, certainly none as pressing as that faced by most gay people. Rethinking how we think is not something we've been taught to find comfortable. The only tool we have with others, really, is to question their reactions and hopefully get them to think consciously about their ingrained responses.
Well, we've always been trained to think in dualisms: male/female, heterosexual/homosexual, masculine/feminine, strong/weak, healthy/sick. (Often, the "good" one comes first.) The fact is that we assume that if one has a particular characteristic of the dualism, he does not have the other. For instance, if you ask someone if he is sick, and he says that he is not, you assume that he is healthy. If not A, then B. If not masculine, feminine. If not strong, weak. The friend that you mentioned sees (supposedly) "gay" behavior as a breach, so to speak, of his masculinity. Because he perceives to lack one aspect of strength, he feels that he is weak. If he lacks one aspect of manliness, he thinks himself feminine. This is a perfectly normal thought process, ingrained in most people in Europe and the Americas, that springs from an overuse of analytical capabilities--the excessive willingness to dissect everything into two mutually exclusive parts. So yes, this is typical.
Hmm....interesting answers. Somewhat complicated, as people are, I think we'll never see the demise of this unfortunetly. After reading hear-say and testomonials, perhaps some "extended neighborhoods" (or societies and groups which a person is involved in, along with its members) particularly religious groups and various glbt clubs will have people who "know better" or will reject/tolerate this type of "weakness." However, its risky when it comes to a non-labeled person. You either do it in hopes good will come and it will be a delight to the both of you or to see really how the person responds to it. Asking before also could be like taking a chance, except a little, well, weird sometimes if you don't do it right, hehe :icon_mrgr. Anway, thanks for the responses.
