first sorry for the length... i went to college last fall with high expectations. i didnt start coming out in college until late october to early november. by the time that i had come out to everyone i knew, it was thanksgiving and then finals started. i didnt expect that the first week of school i would meet someone, but i felt i did just waste a whole semester. anyways. spring semester i attended an lgbta meeting (my friends pushed me into going). there i met someone who recognized me from a class fall semester and began talking to me. we started hanging out, mostly eating on tuesdays and thursdays since we both had classes and then a break in between. i started falling for him, the only problem was that he already had a bf. i decided there was no point and tried to stop. we continued to hang out on those days and it was fine until we starting hanging out more besides eating. we are very similar with our childhoods and other things and quickly became really close friends. and then it all started. he asked me if i had ever liked him bc he could tell the way my friend talked to him that i had probably talked about him often. i said yes i had before and he asked to hang out that night. i went to his room where he said how nice he thought it was and how people dont usually like him. we talked for a while and then he leaned and kissed me (im not blaming him its just how it happened). i went back to my room we talked about it on AIM. the next day we made out in my room. the following we had sex. it was towards the end of the semester so everything was coming to a close. we did a few times and we both went home. before he went home he and his bf broke up over different issues. they were broken up for 2 1/2 weeks and i started talking to him. i didnt want to ask him out since i knew he just broke up with his bf. his ex went to visit him, asked if he would take him back and he said yes. i should have left it at that but he said he didnt know how long they would last, he liked me, was confused about me, and thought that in the fall he would make a decision about what to do (did i mention hes my roommate?)... i visited him a few times over the summer. i went to europe for 5 weeks over the summer and kept in contact the entire time. when i returned i went to see him and he said me keeping in contact showed we are bestfriends (i meant to keep in contact to show i cared that much about him). now he was more confused about if he should risk the friendship for a relationship. everything was put on hold until we came back to school. we didnt talk about it like we did in the summer but last sunday he said we should stop hooking up and other things we do. i was sad but kept it in until friday night. i was out with friends, we were drinking, and i broke down. i needed something from our room when me and my friends came in they were in the room. my friends went off on him. they know parts of things but not all. after screaming, yelling, crying, and more yelling, everything came out and now everything is known. i dont know what to do. ive fallen in love with him and hes said he loves me. i dont know what he actually thinks bc i know he lies to his bf, to other ppl, so im assuming he does to me (even if its only to make me not hurt). we are bestfriends. hes said he still wants to be friends but i dont know what to do. i feel like i should just transfer, study abroad, anything i can to just go away. i know people always hate the one on the side. i honestly didnt mean it to come to all of this. i care too much about him to want to hurt him but i feel i did and he feels he hurt me. i just want it fixed i want my friend. i dont know what to do next. :tears:
(*hug*) It is clear you are in a lot of pain. I can't imagine the pain of having someone who would call you his best friend hurting you like that. Personally I hate cheaters because all they end up doing is hurting people. Some may tell you that you can give a cheater another chance, and sometimes you can. Sometimes they made the mistake once and then they never do again. More often then not though, they do it again. Transferring to another school seems drastic. Although you should probably change rooms. Weather or not you try to maintain a friendship with him, or any other kind of relationship, is really up to you. Before you do though you should think about the fact that you know he lies and you know he cheats. Is it possible he made the mistake once and will learn from it? Definitely. Is it possible that the saying 'once a cheater, always a cheater' applies to him? Definitely. In the end though you have to take a step back from the situation and ask yourself if you can trust him in any way. If you really feel that you can then maybe you guys can be friends. It should stay at friends though, at least for awhile. I hope my advice has helped you in some way. If not we'll just have to try another one of these. (*hug*)
Well, what do you WANT to happen? Do you want him to just be your boyfriend? That's not in the cards. He's had ample opportunity to choose you over him, and that choice has been made. Would you want him to be a friend with benefits? I don't see any reason why you couldn't. The main issues there would be 1. you have to make sure the boyfriend is on board with it, and 2. you seem to be in too deep to want to "share" him. Do you just want to be friends? That's possible, but I think that's in the future. Your feelings are too deep now to simply revert to friend status. Are you still roommates with him? Any chance that can change? Because it's gonna be a bear getting over him with him right there all the time... Lex
