A few days ago, I discovered an email adress from a girl on a dating site. It said something along the lines of: "Hey, I'd love to get to know you better" I checked his sent messages. He had replied, saying: "Thats great! Want to meet up?" I don't know what to do. And the worst part was that I discovered this on my mother's birthday. I asked my best friend, and she says to tell my mother, but I don't know if she's right. I also don't know how I would feel about them splitting up either. My mother has never been particularly good for my mental health, and I have no feelings of affection for her, but I'm worried I'd have to stay with her. So what do I do?
I know this is not something easy for your to handle, and your father should definitly have been more careful about his private stuff. However, this is none of your business. Should you tell your mother ? Definitly not. It's not your call to intrude into your parents marital life, even if you're assuming from what you read that your father can be cheating on your mother. If this is bothering you, the person you should talk to is your father. Tell him what you read, and that's it had been bothering you because you're worried about what would happen if they split up. It's his call to talk to your mother about it or not, and it's his responsability as your father to reassure you about what is going to happen to you. Take care, Cécile
but doesnt she deserve to know? and to be quite honest, i didn't mean to go snooping through his email. I was printing something on his laptop because its the only one with the printer installed. Outlook express was open and on the screen
In my opinion, I think it would break her heart more to hear it from her own child rather than see it herself, to be honest.
First you don't know if you're father is cheating on her. You're assuming he does, wich is completly different. Making so serious accusation on assumption would definitly not be a good move. Second, you don't know what's going on in your parent's couple. Maybe you mother knows. Maybe your mother chooses not to know. Maybe your parents have an agreement of some kind... There are tons of things that are possible, and they are none of your business, because what's happening in your parents couple is your parents business only. Third, even if you're father has an affair and even if you're mother doesn't know about it, it's not your call to intrude into your parents' life. If you have to talk to someone about it, it's your father, not your mother.
Well, you don't actually know for sure that anything even happened yet. All you know is that he agreed to meet someone. At worst, you could say he's considering cheating. That's quite different than actually doing it. Your best bet is to tell your father what you found and ask him about it. It's possible that nothing has happened yet and if that's the case, telling him what you know could put a stop to things before anything does happen. Having his child know something about all this should at least give him pause and make him consider what he's doing.
This is a difficult call. I don't completely agree that telling your mom is off the table. What I would suggest is that you talk to your father and tell him that you know, and that you are going to tell your mother, but you would rather that he do it instead. That way, he can't just sweep it under the rug and go on with business as usual, and he'll have to explain himself, both to you and to your mother. Also, keep in mind that if he is sneaking around, he will probably try to come up with some plausible story to convince you he isn't. Watch his eyes very carefully as he speaks to you and maintain eye contact. It's harder for a person to lie when looking directly at someone. It's possible that the emails are being taken out of context and he isn't actually cheating or intending to cheat. That's why talking to him first is important. But if you feel like he's BSing you, or being less than truthful, or denies it entirely and you don't believe he's being honest, then I do think it's appropriate to tell your mother, because I believe that it's important for you to maintain your own integrity, and keeping something from your mother that could hurt her is not, I don't think, appropriate. The way I look at it is this: You put yourself in your father and mother's shoes. Your father would probably want for you to come to him first before going to your mother, and your mother would want to know if the roles were reversed. So by doing it this way, you give your father the chance to come clean with your mother. If she doesn't, you do it. You maintain your integrity, you encourage your father to do the same, and you also do your best to keep openness and honesty in relationships in your family.
Like everyone else has said, I would go to your dad too. He could explain what happened, maybe its a misunderstanding. You wouldn't want to hurt your mother before you knew exactly what was going on, after all.
I know many might not believe this, but some use dating sites like a certain "fishy" website (some of you should know which one) for making friendships. Often some sites have options for looking for friendship rather than just relationships or hook ups. I think you should definitely talk to your Dad, because he could just be talking to this woman for friendship, as unlikely as it may seem.
