I can't cope. I can't find help.

Drummer....you are so not alone! If you don't feel like coming out yet, then I see no need to hold yourself to that pact that you made with yourself. Sometimes it really is easier to do after high school. Maybe at least you should wait until after football season. Coming out takes so much courage and you know there is going to be people you know who will know that and have more love and respect for you than they did before. You will know who your real friends are and who aren't and that's a good thing! I think it's really important to take baby steps instead of focusing so much on coming out to everybody at once. You have come out to one friend. Do you maybe have somebody else in your life who you feel like you could come out with? I think the more you do it, the easier it gets. What about your parents? Do you think they will be supportive?

Just know that you can come here and talk about things and whether you come out fully in one week or one year, it's all okay! Good luck and please stick around. This is a wonderful supportive place!

 

I'm very much like you in several ways. I'm a senior, 17 years old, and my 18th b-day is coming up. I just came out a week or two ago to a few people. It's not necessary to come out to your high school friends if you don't want to. A lot of people wait until college, or whatever you choose to do after high school. If you need someone to talk to, maybe you could pick someone that seems nice off this site. Heck, you can talk to me if you want, my MSN is {removed by Paul_UK, send him a PM}. (Actually anyone that wants to talk can add me.)

 

Well while I can't relate to you completely I will say that I was like you with coming out. For the longest time the only person who knew I was gay was my best friend. The older I got the more I wanted to stop living a double life and come out to more people but I was terrified of what their reaction would be and if I would lose my friends and my parents. I began constantly thinking of coming out to my mom and I worried myself into a severe depression, cutting, and academic probation for my 2nd semester of college. It was all I could focus on but you know what?


AFTER ALL THAT WORRYING........IT WAS OKAY! I got up the courage to tell another friend then my mom and later my dad and the rest of my friends and most of my family. basically all the worrying about the worst that could happen, all the depression, all the pain was unnecessary.

I know that no matter what I or anybody else says, you will still worry and freak out and worry some more until one day you take the plunge and realize that hey maybe they were right this wasn't so bad. stay away from the few horror coming out stories and pay attention to the good ones because the good ones far out weigh the bad. you can do it and you will do it when you're ready and don't stress too much it will be okay. If the friends in your life can't deal with you being gay then they weren't your friends in the first place.

 

First things first, welcome to EC!

I've read countless stories of teens coming up the courage to come out to their friends and family and I can't help but wonder "Why can't it be that easy for me??" It's selfish, but its the way I feel sometimes.

Secondly dont worry about that, its not selfish to think that way and its never as easy as it sounds. Unfortunately the courage isnt just there it usually comes when your just tired of lying to yourself and everyone around you.

I completely understand how you think. Its really hard to be happy when you have to constantly act but the fear of rejection, abondonment and hate is all you can think about.

The fact is that i see you as being brave for planning to come out in your senior year, fear is completely natural. My advice probably wont be the best you'll find but there are lots of other persons who can give great advice. Really, loving yourself is a great bonus my advuce would be to watch your family and friends to see who would be the most accepting of you being gay. Im not trying to say find out and come out but rather try to strengthen whatever bond you have and when you feel that you should then come out.
Really im not sure my advice will be really helpful seeing that my list of persons im out to is quite short:icon_redf , but i hope it makes even the smallest difference. Also feel free to PM persons ,when you get acustomed to the site, fot advice or just to chat.

 

I agree with Becky, you don't have to come out to everyone all at once. Choose carefully from your friends or family, the ones who will take it the best and little by little enlarge the circle of privileged friends.

As more people learn and accept you for who you are, things will get easier, the burden will get lighter. This is YOUR life, don't worry what people think of you, if they cannot accept you for who you are you probably don't need them in your life.

 

Does your school have a GSA, or is there a GLBT community center nearby that might offer support groups for gay teens? If so, those things might be worth looking into. If nothing else a youth group would give you the opportunity to meet other people like you.

I agree with what everyone else said. You don't have to come out to everyone all at once. And even though you made a pact with yourself, maybe you aren't quite ready yet. Maybe do what someone else suggested and wait until after football season. Or maybe just come out to a few close friends you know you can trust.

It takes a lot of courage to come out. You aren't alone.

Welcome to EC.

 

It takes a TON of courage to come out! Don't feel you need to come out to everyone, or at a specific time. It doesn't sound like it would be wise for you to come out now - it might mess up a few other areas of your life that sound like they're pretty good! (i.e. being one of the captains of your football team - congrats!)

It's OK to be a jock and gay at the same time! (not that I am!) But I'm totally into sports cars (and own one!) and I'm gay. Everyone is different.

You'll feel more and more comfortable by chatting in here. That will help a lot! Coming out to more people when you're off to college might make more sense - start that phase of your life on the right foot.

 

I can relate to how you're feeling. Before you come out you do feel like it's easy for everyone else except you, and this is perfectly natural, heck, I reckon everyone here has felt like that at some point or another! But I agree with Becky, just because you want to come out doesn't mean you have to come out to everybody. You may want to come out to family and close friends, but maybe stick to the policy "If they don't ask, they don't need to know" at school. That way, you don't have to feel to yourself as if you're lying to every one. I use that policy and the truth is, if people ask and I say "Well, I'm gay" they maybe do a double take at first but then say "Oh, cool". Many people who you do tell will realise that this doesn't change who you are.

What really matters is you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, being gay is perfectly normal. And it's something you can't help. It's as normal as being left handed. But there are some people out there who do not veiw it as normal and there always will be. If they can't accept you for who you are, then it's their loss. But the main thing is to come out the closet when you beleive the time is right. Nobody else can judge it for you. Until then, there are plenty of friendly people on here to talk to if you have any problems.

I hope this helps and good luck!

 

I may be younger, but i know what its like to be trapped...ive been feeling kinda depressed lately, i wish you luck on whatever you do...dont force yourself out if you don't want to.(*hug*)

 

Trust me, you're not the only one who thinks coming out seems much harder than it actually is. I suppose it's the uncertainty that surrounds us because like anything, we can't predict how other people will react and we don't knowthe impact it may have our future.

I completely understand where you're coming from when you mentioned some people may not believe you if you came out. I'm also afraid of the same response because I've never really given any hints of my sexuality before now. I'm actually most afraid of the two gay people at my work finding out because I really don't think they would believe me either. They might not respond in that way, but I just don't want them to think I'm one of those girls that says they're a lesbian for attention's sake (I'm certain some of you might have seen girls like this in the past- girls weho say they're gay to be 'cool'). I mean, it's hard enough just coming out to people, I couldn't imagine then having to prove it to those who are sceptical.

As for coming out in highschool, I'm not quite certain how that would go if you're planning a future in sports. You're friends will acept you and move on when you do tell them, but I'm not sure how your coaches may respond (even though they shouldn't discriminate against sexuality) or if it might impact on your chances of selection in future??

Sorry I couldn't be much help there, but you're much braver than me for even setting yourself the goal to come out to everyone at 18. I couldn't even consider the idea of coming out to everyone at the moment.

Best of luck with your decision!