Firstly, hi everyone *wave* Sorry if this is a bit on the long side :icon_sad: I guess a little background info is necessary: I'm a freshman in college and just recently became (relatively) comfortable with my sexuality... still working on that. I'm out to a few real good friends and since the semester started I've been really interested in finding a guy who wants a meaningful relationship... you know, more than just hooking up every now and then. Anyways, I met a guy about a month ago on campus and, needless to say, I have a major crush on him. Like, I've obviously liked other guys before but this is just a lot different than anything I've felt before. I'm just as attracted to his personality and stuff as I am to him physically, and I can honestly say he's one of the most beautiful people I've ever met both inside and out. We have a lot of the same interests and I could really see a relationship with him working out. I'm almost positive he's gay, too (a few of my friends say it's really obvious, and from being around him I can see where they're coming from) but no one knows for sure so I'm way too nervous to make any sort of move on him. But just sort of the way he acts around me sometimes makes me think he may like me, like sitting next to me when he can, smiling and perking up when we see each other on campus.. you know, stuff like that. But I also feel like I have 500 things that would prevent us from ever going out... he might not be gay, if he is he might not be single, if he's both, he might not actually like me, or may not be looking for the same kind of relationship I am, etc.. The problem here I think is the terrible anxiety I have whenever I'm around him. It's not just the butterflies you get when you try and talk to someone you like... it literally almost always prevents me from interacting with him at all and makes every interaction I *do* have with him short and relatively uneventful. Don't get me wrong, I've talked to him enough that we're more than just acquaintances, but we're hardly friends yet. I always end up catastrophizing the situation and lately it's really been bringing me down because I feel like every time I talk to him I end up making myself worse off. I guess a good example would be earlier today when we spent about an hour together around a few other people. He was really making a point to start up conversation with me on a few occasions and all I could muster were little nervous responses. I felt terrible afterwards because we may have really gotten to know each other...and this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I do say hi and approach him when I can reign in this anxiety so it's not like I'm totally putting him off at every turn, but I still feel bad that incidents like that happen. Since I just recently came to terms with liking guys, I guess you could say I'm relatively new to "being gay". I don't know how or when to let him know I'm interested since he isn't openly gay, and may not be into guys at all. I would hate to freak him out; my conflict is that I wouldn't want to risk losing a potential friendship with him if he's not gay but found out I like him. I know someone will probably say that a friend who couldn't accept something like that isn't a friend worth having, but it would still be a huge emotional blow to me if we just never talked again because of it. So I guess my question is... what am I supposed to do? Should I try and be friends with him first and see if maybe he comes out to me, or let on that I'm interested somehow and hope he responds positively? Will that anxiety go away on its own in time like the butterflies in your stomach do, or is it something more severe..? Sometimes I feel like *I* am the biggest threat to a potential relationship between us just because of the way I worry, but I'm not sure if it's true...
I think the most important question to ask is this: Can you see yourself being able to remain/become friends with this guy while having a major unrequited crush? Because it's not easy to be just friends when you're in love (or infatuated) with someone. As to your anxiety, that's common and you'll just have to work through it. I'd give more advice, but before I do, I have a question for you: Are you out to him?
no :icon_sad: part of me really wants to tell him, but I don't really know him *that* well and I'm not really sure how to go about it...
Coming out to him is probably the best way to get him to come out to you, unfortunately (and, ultimately, necessary for you to admit that you like him). You don't have to make a big to-do of it, just tell him that you're in the process of coming out and you felt like telling him. Even if he is gay, he may not tell you so in response right away, but he's much more likely to tell you if you tell him.
Hi (*hug*) and welcome to EC I agree with Liam. The best thing to do for a start is probably to come out to him. Whether he is gay or not, at least the question of your orientation won't be standing in the middle of the way. Good luck (*hug*) Cécile
This reminds me so much of when my boyfriend and I got together. I had a crush on him my entire first semester in college and would go out of the way to try and talk to him and become his friend. Unfortunately he didn't get it and all of our conversations were very brief and terribly awkward to the point where I was pretty sure he didn't like me at all. It wasn't until he accidentally found out through a friend that I was gay and had a crush on him over Christmas break that he started IMing me and we talked for hours on end all over the holiday. A month after we got back we started dating and this January 31 will be our three year anniversary . So, I am going to say you should definitely start by coming out for him and then wait a month or two to see what happens. Keep talking to him and stuff and see if things seem to be going anywhere. Hopefully you will get a response that will let you know one way or another whether or not he is gay/straight and interested/not interested. Might I also suggest you talk to him over facebook/IM? That seemed to work wonders for getting my boyfriend and I past the initial awkwardness we faced, so maybe it will help you too?
