Sister Dating Older Guy (Who is Lying About His Age)

Ok, this doesn't have anything to do with GLBT issues, but I am just trying to get input from other people so everyone's two cents will be very appreciated.

About two or three weeks ago, my sister met this guy that she really liked when she went out dancing with a group of girls from her church. She is just barely twenty years old and a sophomore in college, and this was the first time she has really gone out or anything like that. Anyways, she danced with this guy, and they hung out the entire evening and talked. They traded phone numbers, and set up a date to go out next weekend. He drove in from where he lives and took my sister out to dinner and a movie, dropped her back off at her dorm and was a perfect gentleman. Naturally at this point, my parents and I are getting interested to see this guy, but since he says he never gets on facebook he has not added her and we certainly can't find him. So the second week they set up another date, this time in the town where he lives. Since my sister doesn't have a car, he comes to pick her up, takes her to dinner and all that and drops her back home.

So far, so good. My sister really likes him, he seems really sweet and all that. My mom googles him though, since she can't find him on facebook and comes to find that he graduated college in 2004 making him out to be much older than he says he is...27 or 28 we figure. The thing is though, my parents don't want to tell my sister because they don't want to be interfering in her life and all that. I on the other hand really want to tell her because I just don't like that fact that he is lying and saying he is only a year older than she is when in reality he is probably like 8 years older. It's not the age thing that bothers me, but the fact that it has been almost three weeks and he hasn't told her.

So I can't decide what to do. I really want to tell her because I think she has a right to know, and I think it is important that she does know. My parents on the other hand seem to feel that it would be interfering in her life and that we should just let the two of them work it out. They seem to think that if he was up to no good he would have tried something already...he certainly has had the opportunity since he has been driving her to where he lives and taking her out and stuff. Also, my dad says he lied about some things when him and my mom first started dating, so I think that is playing into their my parents' decision making.

So what do you guys think? I feel like I am going to have to tell her, but I want to get some more opinions. Is it weird that a 28 year old is lying to my barely 20 year old sister about his age? Is it right for me to tell her about this?

Thanks.

 

I wouldn't tell her. It's none of your business. It's nice that you care though.

 

He's 7-8 years older than her? That is nothing. I had a friend who was 19 marry a 50 year old last year...and I know a girl here in the US who is like 27 and she is married to some guy who is 47-48.

It sucks he is lying (are you sure he is lying though, has she said that he told her he was younger?) but really, your sister is a big girl and can figure things out for herself.

I wouldn't interfere...it may cause a riff between you and your sister.

 

I'm only guessing, but as your sister is an adult and can make her own decisions, she would probably appreciate your concern but also question whether it's really any of your business.

Also, the chances of you having found exactly the right guy via Google of all things are exceedingly slim. I think that's a bit too prying, personally. I would say to just drop it and stay out of her affairs, unless SHE comes to you with concerns.

 

Ok, since this popped up, I will update it.

First, I have decided to let her figure it out on her own because I am not really concerned that this guy is dangerous.
Second, I wasn't worried because he was 9 years older, but that he was lying about it. Age differences do not matter to me.
Third, this definitely is the right guy I found on google. The pictures match, and everything I know about him except for the age matches.
Finally, if you knew my sister, you would know that she doesn't lie. She has told me twice that this guy is 21. He has told her, and she accepts that this is true, for now.

The real reason I am not worried is because (even though this didn't end up happening), my mom and I were supposed to meet this guy. He seems really nice and has been very respectful. These two things make me feel that there isn't anything particularly "sinister" about him. Anyways, thanks for the advice everyone.

 

if it was my sister and i found out the guy she was dating was 8 years older than what he said, i would let her know.

 

^ This.

And the other thing is, what if you googled his name and came up with someone else with the same name... Then you'd be sticking your nose into her business AND you'd be wrong. I think it's something you'll just have to deal with, even though it sucks.

 

look, this is your sister. your family, this creep could be a crazy sicko. you have info that you are not sure if it is true or not, the least you can do is just say "hey sister, i was kinda concerned for you so i look him up and this is what i found. not sure if this is the right person or not but i wanted to give you the info just in case. i love you and wouln't want u to date a liar. not sayinig his is one, but just wanted to give you the info cuz i know you would do it for me." then she's on her own. all these people telling you not to butt into it...well if something happened wouldn't you feel bad that you didnt' but into it. trust your gut. she may end up hating you but oh well, at least she will be around to hate you.