As the title alludes, I am depressed and lonely. Ever action I make or situation I get involved in, my mind dwells on for hours. All the possible responses, but I always end up blaming myself for being an idiot and just getting disappointed in myself. This is worse than most funks I've been in since medication, (which since my doc went bankrupt, I have to find a new one to prescribe me). I'm not sure if its because I have such low serotonin levels in my brain because I'm taking meds less often (consolidating) or if I just stopped reacting to the pills. Its killing me. And for a story never ever told on EC or any other gay related chat before, I am lonely as I have so little gay connections in such a small town and that my crush is straight and that his gf's entire family hates me and go out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable. I just have such a problem accepting love from friends and family. They tell me it, and I know, but I just can't feel anything more than affection. I think its because I'm so critical on myelf, but its so hard sometimes to be me. I think about just laying in bed for hours not moving, trying not to think. I just want to not feel so isolated, but I always get the impression that people just don't like me, even though thats irrational and false. Blah! I just need to vent.
