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Outed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bario, Oct 28, 2010.

  1. Bario

    Bario Guest

    Well, I am essentialy out, have been for a few weeks now. I havent told many people, but I have stopped denying it.
    The other day, it came up in conversation. It was pretty much just me agreeing with a childish accusation.
    N: Patricks gay!
    Me: Bravo! How long did it take you to figure that one out?
    N: Wait...what?
    R: So, you are coming out?
    Me: I have been, for a while now.
    N: Wait...

    'N' is a bit of an idiot, took him a while to realise what I had said, 'R' isnt a hugely close friend, so he didnt really care.
    Theres nothing wrong with this situation, until today I found out that R had told another friend of mine 'P'. He isnt a really close friend, so I wasnt going to bother telling him.
    I was really upset that R had so blatantly spread it around like that. I doubt he would even understand why I am upset. I dont really care who knows, but how rude can one person be, blurting out personal details about someone else.
    I dont know whether I am upset or not, I kinda wanted it to spread a bit, to save me the trouble of having to tell people myself, and it went down weel enough with P, but I am pissed off that R just went off and told someone, I doubt it was even on topic. Knowing him it was more like, "Oh, hi P, did you know that Patrick is gay?"
    Guh, I am in a really bad mood right now!

    This is really just a bit of a vent.
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! I'm sorry that this happened to you. (*hug*)

    Once you start the process of coming out, the chances of this sort of thing happening are there and even though you wanted it to spread it can still take you by surprise. If you want, you can tell 'R' that you don't really appreciate what he did.

    I think it would be good though if you would perhaps examine your thought on as to whether you are really comfortable with it spreading or have other people doing the work for you. After all it is, and as you have said, personal stuff. And maybe you do care as to who knows.
     
  3. Lexington

    Full Member

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    There wasn't any reason for R NOT to tell anybody. You said you've been "coming out for a while", and you didn't tell him you preferred to tell everybody yourself. So he just assumed he was passing along information that you didn't mind being passed.

    Lex
     
  4. Pepsi

    Pepsi Guest

    This.
     
  5. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I agree. When someone says "I've been out for a while" then the person clearly is led to believe it's no secret.

    That said, I do understand what you're saying; I often describe coming out as being sort of like standing naked in a room full of people. Initially you're like "OMG everybody can see me" but after a while, it's more like "People can see me, so what?"

    So your friend has told other friends. IT might be a little awkward or uncomfortable, but it gets more comfortable as more people know. Just take a deep breath and relax and just be in the moment :slight_smile:
     
  6. Lmont

    Lmont Guest

    You'll be fine! A lot of times you will find the most people could really care less. Those who do care usually have some insecurities of their own! I'm proud of you for making the coming out steps..it will definitely make your life easier!
     
  7. Bario

    Bario Guest

    Thanks guys, but it seems as though I havent made myself ENTIRELY clear. It isnt what he said, it isnt that other people know I came out, I dont give to shits about who knows, it is the fact that HE told them. Its my thing to do, my personal life, and I just think it is really rude to go away and blurt out my life to others. I dunno, I'm probably just being silly about it.
    But you guys have adressed some other things, and you've helped a lot. Thanks.