I am very sad because I have been thinking and I realized that kissing really freaks me out. My ex-boyfriend would always try to kiss me and I didn't like it; every time we went on a date he would kiss me and I would go home and cry and take a shower for a long time, trying to get rid of that horrible feeling. It wasn't that he was a bad kisser, or ugly. The feeling just scared me and it made me feel gross. We broke up because he felt like I didn't want to "go anywhere", which offended me because I need to feel comfortable with myself before I can feel comfortable with anyone else. Now I'm hesitant to date anyone because I am afraid that they are going to expect to kiss me, because isn't that what couples do? Would I freak out on my wedding date and refuse to kiss my fiance(e)? What would you suggest I do? Have any of you ever felt this way? I don't know how to let go of my fear. :help:
Hi, I'm sure there are many others out there who feel the same way you do. I love to kiss but I suppose your fear is like any other rational or irrational fear out there. Do you know exactly what it is about kissing that you don't like? Do you not like the intimacy of it all? Do you dislike the taste? The thought of the germs you could get? The swapping of bodily fluids? Maybe if you were able to zone in on what it is you do not like, it would help you to better understand the fear. I would think it has something to do with the emotions/mental feelings you get when kissing as it wouldn't make you run home and cry. If you like someone and want to go further with that person in a relationship, you should just be honest with them and discuss your fear. You never know, you may find someone who is really understanding and can help you get over that fear. ;-)
I am also scared of kissing... and I've actually never tried it. I'm hoping that when I try it, it will just all be okay. "I need to feel comfortable with myself before I can feel comfortable with anyone else" <-- that's a really good point, and it's good that you recognise that! It does sound like there is potentially something that kissing brings up for you, that you are uncomfortable with. I think you need to work out what that is... like, is it that (for example only!) you are afraid of commitment, and kissing symbolises that for you? Or that you are gay and kissing a guy brings that up? Could be heaps of things! I would say that speaking to a counsellor could be helpful in untangling some of those thoughts.
if i met someone i was interested in, who explained their personal issue with kissing, it would be fine... i mean, kisses are nice and all, but hugging and cuddling is just as nice, and not so messy =P
From what you say, it was your ex who sort of forced the kisses on you. And that's not how kissing is supposed to work. Kissing is supposed to be a shared gesture, not one putting the move on somebody else. Will you freak out when you get your next boy/girlfriend? You might. But it might be something you might ease into, as well. For instance, would you freak out at a gentle peck on the cheek? Or the forehead? That might be "your kisses" for awhile until you feel more comfortable moving ahead. Lex
Before I was out, a girl was interested in me, and kissed me. It wasn't very nice. In fact I felt terrible, trapped and panicking. Its not that there's anything wrong with her; now we're good friends, but kissing her wasn't nice at all. So my advice would be not to worry. In my experience, kissing the wrong person feels wrong. Whether that's necessarily what's happened in your case, I don't know. But you can rest assured that there are other people who freak out while kissing. And please don't feel that you can't go looking for a date, or that you can't go out because "every couple kisses." If you don't want a kiss, you don't want a kiss, simple as that.
Maybe he was forcing it way too much? Sometimes I don't like kissing people either,I'd rather just hug them and hold them forever.
I don't know. I think you are right, maybe I just haven't met the right person. Kissing is a very emotional thing for me, and I think I just want to do it with someone I really care about.
