Hi EC. Forgive me, I'm tired and just kind of want to get to the point as quickly as possible. I started hanging out with my mom's best friend's daughter (who is 5 years older than I am) against my will. We watched some scary movies today, and then as we were driving to pick my mom up from the bar, she asked me if I was gay because I was playing some Kelis on the CD player. I responded with a yes. And then she was like "Well how do you know?" Me: "idk. I just do." So then she asks if she can kiss me. And, I'm like, lol? She then starts stroking my freaking face all over, until she starts yanking at my goddamn shirt, at which point I yell at her to stop. As I walked her home, she begged me to let me kiss her, and I was like, no. Then I just told her bye and left. I feel violated and like I'm some sort of test subject. She's a true-believing Mormon gal who says she has a past history of thinking she was a lesbian until she kissed a guy. So, whatever. She promised she wouldn't tell anyone and still wants to be friends. Apparently she finds me "very attractive" and I know she wants my babies and whatnot, so. I'm still in shock. I've entered my alter personality where I feel like I'm just watching someone type this post to cope with the shock I'm in. Life is sometimes just too lulzy for me to deal with. Any suggestions? Thanks.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Some people are just incredibly inconsiderate and/or clueless. I would suggest that you tell her, directly, that what she did was grossly inappropriate and you felt violated. She needs to hear that. Personally, I would never put myself in a situation where I was alone with her again, but if you're going to be in a position where that's going to happen, I'd suggest you need to make clear that ANY physical contact is off limits, as is any suggestion that you are anything other than gay or could be anything other than gay, and if she wants to have further interaction with you, she has to accept that. Ignorant people with an attitude of religious entitlement are entitled to hold their false beliefs, but are not entitled to impose them on others, or to violate their space. If she was 14 and clueless, it would be one thing, but being 5 years older than you are, she really ought to know better. The "alter personality" you describe is called dissociation, and it comes from feeling violated or out of control. It usually happens after than more than one incident where your physical or emotional space was infringed upon, so it might be something you want to pay some attention to. Feel free to message me if that's a concern you'd like to discuss.
Can't disagree with what Chip has said. I'm just wondering how you are hanging out with someone against your will?
Chip more or less said it all, but I'll add these two bits. You said you were hanging out with her "against your will". Which means this was somebody else's idea. I don't know if that was her idea, or her mother's, or (I hope not) YOUR mother's. But no matter whose idea it was, make sure that person doesn't choose your hang-out partners from here on out. Secondly, "she promised she wouldn't tell anyone and still wants to be friends." Well, isn't that nice of her. For her to say such a thing suggests that, as far as she's concerned, it was YOU who did something wrong. And you didn't. Not in the slightest. If anything, this would be something that YOU would say to HER (if you were in a forgiving mood). "I promise I won't tell anyone that you attempted to change my sexuality by throwing yourself on me." Frankly, between her actions and her words afterwards, I wouldn't even bother trying to salvage any sort of relationship with her. Consider her bad news, and write her off. Lex
Thank you for your replies. I kind of find this situation fascinating -- I don't consider myself attractive by any means, but hey, considering I seem to love a dissociated state, perhaps I'm not the best judge of myself. Anyway, I let her know that I felt like her little test subject and demoralized as a human being, to which she has been replying with things such as "I'm the biggest bitch in the world." I don't reply. I just let her chew on her own words. It's really awkward because she and her mother just moved across the street, and I absolutely adored helping them move in. Her mom is quite an awesome person, and I'm pretty (definitely) sure if she knew what her daughter did to me, she'd kick her ass hard. So, that's how I ended up hanging out with her. I was helping them move, and then she just started telling me that we're going to see a movie and hang out with her friends. Her awkward, Mormon-college friends. -shudder- It won't be happening again. I can't help but thinking there's a reason this is happening to me, nonetheless. I just know that the thought of being around her again makes me sick to my stomach.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about the situation. Also sounds like your friend might have a self-esteem problem if she's calling herself a bitch, so perhaps her behavior makes a little more sense in that context. So ya, staying away from those situations sounds like a good plan if you can manage it, and handling things as you are also seems appropriate.
Hmm. Who is she trying to convince of their straightness? Sounds to me like she might be projecting her insecurities about her sexuality onto you. Maybe she is trying to convince herself that thats all it takes to turn some one straight, a kiss. If anything she could probably use a friend like you, some one not in the Mormon community and more open. For her to act as erratic as you describe, could be a cry for help. I think you should try to befriend her and hang out; outside her Mormon circle for sure.
