so i met someone online and we started talking, the site was sort of a dating site but not really, but thats not the point. im traveling out of town for work and its close to where this guy is, and we talked about meeting up. hes 23 and im 22, we have been talking online and on the phone/texts for a couple months now. we're meeting at a public place and going to get some drinks and hang out. my question is, im not doing anything illegal right? i know its not solicitation for sex because, we just never talked about that. we're just planning on meeting up and getting to know eachother further. i know there are some precautions to take, i have some friends in the area that i told im meeting up with a friend so atleast someone knows what im doing, i plan on putting all of my personal stuff in the lockbox in the room.. i dont know, i just had a dream last night that we met up and then chris hansen came out and asked me to sit down, so im just trying to make sure nothing im doing is wrong
Lmao, you're being a bit paranoid. No, what you're doing isn't illegal at all. xD Actually you're being quite smart about it, letting your friends know where you are, etc.. So I say relax and have a good time with this guy (that can mean whatever you want it too ).
I just found out who this Chris Hansen guy was not too long ago so this really made me laugh!! You are definitely being safe...I've done some down right stupid things meeting guys... (age of consent in Spain is 13...I know it's young...but I didn't want you to think I was being illegal!)
i was trying to be semi-funny plus this guy doesn't look like he could be a cop, or maybe hes a human trafficker? or maybe he wants my kidneys..haha now im just joking, im not that paranoid but i also love the rush
Haha I sure do hope not, but yeah, it's always best to play it safe. I hope everything goes well and you have alot of fun! Good luck!
It's only solicitation if you offered to pay him for it. You're doing everything right. The only thing I'd add is to bring along condoms and lube. Lex
so im having some problems. we met up and things were great, i loved every second of being with him, it was a fantastic day. but i dont know why today i just cant handle it. i started getting real depressed about it a couple hours ago and i can't stop crying, thank god im alone in this house. i feel like im drowning and i can't breathe. its almost 1pm here and im pretty drunk because i didn't know what else to do. this is all too overwhelming and everything is making me freak out. i tried watching tv to get my mind off of whatever im stuck on and its just getting worse. i never cry. thats why im freaking out. i cant stop. took me 20 minutes to write this.
First off, breathe. Second off, breathe. Can you pinpoint what about the whole thing is causing you to freak out? You set something up, you went through with it, and it sounds like it went great. Is it the "OMG, does this mean I'm gay?" factor? If you want to talk about this one-on-one, click on my name to the left there, and select "Private Message". Lex
who knows, i just talked to him for almost 2 hours and i feel kinda better. i think i just went into shock about what im doing and why im doing it. we dont live close at all (im not talking just a couple states away..) and i really miss him already and its driving me crazy whats funny is that when we were getting food yesterday the waitress asked where we were from and she jokingly said you guys meet online? i dont think anyone could tell i may be bi or whatever i am and i would never have thought he was, but i guess put us together and people could tell this whole thing is just very new. i think it freaks me out that i really liked meeting with him, and really, really like him.
Jacob, I think it's the "confirmation" that you're gay that's freaking you out. Up until you meet someone, hang out, and have a connection... it's all theoretical. Once you click with someone, and that someone is a guy, you have the confirmation that it's all real, and it becomes harder to deny. The five stages of loss (in this case, the "loss" of being straight) are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. So if I'm right, then perhaps what you felt is just the last real stage of getting to who you really are. And I can totally see why that would freak you out, because it's very new. Couple that with the waitress making a remark at a rather inopportune time, and I can see a double whammy... not only are you meeting a guy and liking it, but you feel like, at least to this waitress, that your secret is out, that people can tell you're gay. It's a very vulnerable feeling. But it gets better with time, as you get more comfortable being yourself and being ok with people around you knowing it. Now the long-distance relationship is a whole different thing. Particularly when you're in the beginning stages of coming out, it can be that much harder to have an LD relationship because the feelings are so strong. Not sure what to tell you there, except don't pull up stakes and move suddenly as much as you might be tempted. Give it time, get to know him, see how you both are feeling. Perhaps you'll both decide that it's impractical, or maybe you'll both decide to try and make it work. I've known relationships that have worked long distance, so it's not impossible, but it requires work on both parts. In any case, it sounds like you're on the right path, and like you have a good head on your shoulders about things. Feel free to message me or any of the other advisor staff if you would like to talk more privately.
when i talked to him i thought things got good again, i felt safe but after we talked and i went out i started thinking about how its not what i want, how id rather be with a girl and that what im doing its stupid ridiculous i often think that i just want what i cant have (raised that gay is completely wrong and a horrible sin :eusa_naug) so i think that brings me to wanted to be with a guy. im kinda a thrill seeker, often go bungee jumping etc. love that kind of stuff so could that be my case? i dont look at guys and be like, sh*t hes hot, but this guy i met was just really cool, we had a lot in common :dry: i still love girls and often hook up with them, just a fyi
Look, what I'm gonna tell you most likely isn't gonna be what you wanna hear, but I've always said "I'd rather you give me the truth that will help me than feed me bullshit that will make me feel better". With that being said, I don't think you're 100% straight. If you just fucked guys, you'd still have a hard time convincing me you're totally straight, but at least (for some reason) that would seem humanly possible. Thing is, you cried over the guy, so there had to be some kind of connection. I think when you read Chip's reply, you pannicked, jumped back and started trying to justify what you're feeling (thrill seeker reason). A lot of gay people tend to call themselves "bisexual" at 1st, because it gives them a sense of normallity. Like they can still have that normal, everyday wife and kids family life. That probably comes from being brought to believe that homosexuality is wrong (like you have). But you're completely denying any attraction towards guys. You say you still fuck girls. I could fuck girls and I'd be just as gay after I busted a nut as after I did. I was also raised to believe homosexuality is wrong, which is probably why I'm deeper in the closet than my Mom's prom dress. This may sound kind of harsh, but when I had read "I don't look at guys like 'shit he's hot'" that screamed "denial". I have no doubt in my mind that I'm completely gay, but if I saw someone like Meagan Good or Jenifer Aniston (more so in the 90's lol) walking down the street, I would still think "Wow, she is gorgeous". Hot is hot, and the most heterosexual man on the planet could tell a hot guy apart from an unattractive one. Just remember: Being gay or bisexual doesn't mean you are doomed to a life of abnormality. I can promise you that, because it is a fact, not an opinion. If you need, or want to talk, hit me up on my wall.
I highly doubt begin a thrill seeker has anything to do with this. It sucks to hear, but it sounds like you're subconsciously trying to make excuses for you're like of guys. Just because you're not all gaga for guys, doesn't mean that you don't have some feelings for them. You don't sound completely gay, but not completely straight either. I'd suggest to just let yourself relax. Don't keep over-thinking these things. Do what feels right(as long as it's safe) and see how it feels.
I'll again talk about the stages of loss, because i think it's applicable here. Let's assume for a moment you are not straight. That seems pretty likely. Just accepting that is a huge challenge because, as you said, you've been raised to believe it's wrong, you've undoubtedly heard all the slurs and rude things people say about gay people, and you don't want to be "one of those people." It's a club nobody wants to be in. So when you start recognizing your own feelings, that's when the stages of loss kick in. First you deny it ("But I like girls! I can't be gay. I like hooking up with them! This must be a phase or something, I'll just stay away from guys and stick with girls") And usually next is the anger ("I can't be this way! That's fucked up! Why do I have to feel this way?") And the bargaining phase is something like "Well, maybe I like guys, but I like girls too and so I'm sure I'll end up with a girl and it will be OK." Or, in your case "Well, I like the idea of being with a guy, but really, I'm a thrill seeker, and I think it's just another of my thrill-seeking behaviors." In other words, it's generally a complete bullshit excuse we give ourselves to give us an out. Grief usually looks like "Oh fuck. I guess I don't like girls as much as I thought I did. This really sucks, but I guess I gotta deal with it", usually with depression and crying. And then... accepting it. Now... the other important piece here is that sexual orientation is not binary or even trinary, but a continuum, and only about 10% of the population is on either end (totally straight or totally gay) though the majority of people end up identifying as gay or straight in the end. There are some people who are truly bisexual, but the majority use the "bisexual" label as a bridge during the bargaining stage so they can have time to accept themselves as gay. So you may be bi, or you may be gay, but those are just approximate labels that describe a much more nuanced range of sexual attraction. My guess is, if you really explore your feelings deep down, think about where your fantasies are when you masturbate, what you look at when you watch porn... you'll have a much clearer answer, because your unconscious usually knows well before your conscious does.
