I give up. I can not deal witht he guilt of messing around with the guy who has a boyfriend. I can deal witht he guilt of talking to my mom the way I did. My therapist has been out of town for 10 days. The back up and the one is does the meds hasn't called me back. I am waiting for him to call me back so I can me admitted to the hospital. I haven't been able to leave my house in a week. Just to go running outside. I make mistakes, but there is somethign wrong that I can not forgive myself. Tomorrow is my birthday as well
Everyone makes mistakes, and don't let this one mistake define your life, because you life is so much bigger than one night. I hope you feel better soon and your therapist is able to help you out. Keep in contact with us, and I hope you're able to get through this troubled time
I guess I am doing better. I just got overwhelmed. I got a hold of my other doc. Just not hearing back from got me more worked up. I just worry and get worked out about everything so much. I need to learn to calm down. Not everything is the end of the world. I really am surprised I am not totally gray by now.
My heart goes out to you. You are such a lovely person and you just can't see it. I can promis you that there is not a living soul on this earth that has never made a bad call and deeply regretted it. It is part of life, part of growing up. I know that you are 27 but we grow up all our lives. Please don't be so hard on yourself. No you undoubteldy shouldn't have behaved like that but don't let it make you ill. Forgiving is one of the greatest gifts we can give and recieve. Forgive yourself and slowly but surely (if you are sincere) people will follow you. Try to hang on to the positive things in your life at the moment to give you a counterpoint the difficult time you are having. You might not see it yourself but we here at EC see it. You are a kind and decent person. How can I say this when I don't even know you? I have read your posts, I see the hurt and the decent man (even the little boy lost) behind the words. I see and understand the man you want to be, your are that man, sometimes he might be hidden behind alcohol, anger or loneliness but he is stll there deep within you. Believe in yourself, forgive yourself. Yes you must take responsability for what you do but cut yourself a bit of slack from time to time. It takes two to mess around. No you shouldn't have messed around with a guy who is already in a relationship, so don't do it again, you can't change the past, just don't do it again. I believe you have an image of yourself, how you would like to be, how you would like to conduct yourself and you have taken a look and are disappointed in what you see. Don't be. The very fact that this is making you ill is proof that you are a decent, moral person. We each of us have to make our own code of morals and principles that we choose to live by. Without this we have no structure to our lives. I think that you broke your own moral code and this is why it is so hard for you. One silly drunken evening doesn't mean you don't have morals, you do or you wouldn't feel bad and this is all to your honour. I feel proud to know someone as decent as you, thank you. Do what you have to do to get through this but please think on a bit about what I have said here. (*hug*)
Thanks for the kind reply. I really do appreciate it. Its nice to hear those kind of things when you are struggling. Justin
early happy b-day,yeah it's good you calmed down and got a hold of your doctor.I know i go nuts sometimes when i can't talk to mine!