Help..? Advice..?

Coming to terms with who you are is a tough road all I can tell you right now is to keep talking we are here for one another and help every little way we can BTW welcome to EC

 

Oh boy, welcome to EC, but let me tell you, that ain't a mid-life crisis, that's more like a delayed crisis from your early puberty. You're 20, not 40.

There's no need to be afraid to face who you really are. At the end, you're not going to be living a lie, will you? Or at least, you wouldn't like living a lie, would you? Coming into good terms of who you are is, most of the time, a long painful road which is hard, very hard to travel.

But it does get better. No matter how many indifference, rejection, hate or bullying you might encounter while traveling down the acceptance lane, there will be greener (and gayer!) grasses at the end which will lead to a big happiness valley.

I am telling you it most certainly won't be easy but that doesn't mean it can be easier. Try not to label yourself to fit a stereotype or well, try to fit yourself in a box. That won't work. Be open, love yourself, take your time, go as slow as you wish. Try to find your comfort zone and push the borders of that said zone a little bit everyday, it might be a little to the gay, or to the bi, or to the whatever-you-want-to-be zone.

A little tip: Everyday, look yourself in the mirror and find one, just ONE thing you love about yourself and focus on that. Do that for a week. Next week, find something else. And focus on the positives. You'll see that you'll be happier and your acceptance road will not be full of rocks. Or at least the rocks won't be as big.

Here at EC we offer free shovels to remove those rocks too, so don't hesitate to talk to us. We're here for you!!! Good luck and God bless you.

 

Hi and welcome to EC. I'm glad you've found this site. If you're like many other people who make initial posts like yours, this site will play a role in fundamentally changing your life for the better.

NEVER say never. You're 20 and you're JUST coming to terms with this. It will take time. But the reality is that if you are gay, you won't have an easier time hiding it and dealing with it as time goes on. You'll have a harder time. The inner turmoil won't get quieter if you get married and have kids and try to ignore it. It will get louder. And your self esteem and ability to cope with life's challenges won't improve, it will deteriorate.

So it really is best to face facts, take a long and honest look at yourself, and deal with this 'crisis' now.

'Now' might be the next several months or the next couple of years or the new few weeks. Everyone moves at a different pace when they finally make a decision to 'deal' with this issue in their life.

And what is important to remember is that while you're 20, and you might feel like you've let a huge portion of your life pass you by with this question still unanswered, 20 is still very young. I didn't figure out this aspect of my life until I was in my mid 30s - at which point I had already married and had a couple of kids. Now THAT was a tough situation to work through. But I did. And you can work through your situation too.

And in the end, I'm happier now than I have ever been. You too can be this happy. It's a process, and it takes time. Good luck with it. You've come to the right place for help.

 

* I went through much the same thing at age 20, and I'd like to think I came out OK.
* I've seen lots of people work through the self-acceptance thing...and they seem to come out OK, too.
* Good luck on your midterm. We'll be here when you're set to continue.

Lex

 

mid-life crisis at 20.

Well, maybe you don't know who you are because your at an age where everything changes. Between the ages of 19 - 26 are the years you become the person your going to be the rest of your life. Its not just a great quote from spider-man, but its true. You're seeing the world for the first time, your at college, its not like high school.

Give this crazy shit storm known as life some time, take it in, and know you don't need to be in any hurry to figure things out. There isn't a stop watch on you.

 

I was pretty much in the same situation as you when I found this website, and I was also 20 when I did (and busy with college too ). I thought I could never accept myself for liking men and I used to hate myself for this. For many years I begged God, destiny, etc to help me meet the girl of my dreams and knock the gayness out of me. This sunk me into a great suffering and sadness that made me look for help and eventually find EC. Reading the forums, posting new threads with my concerns and reading the other members' replies helped me realized that there was nothing wrong with me. It has taken me several months to start accepting this part of me, being gay. It has not being easy and there has been many times when I wished I was straight, cryied and felt depressed. But the hope of eventually accepting myself completely and be happy being gay keeps me going through the path of acceptance. Don't lose hope, it is not impossible to accept yourself.