Since coming out I've been thinking a lot more positively about my future, it doesn't seem so bleak anymore. I AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! The perils of pressing enter too early! I'll write my post properly in a next post
So as I was saying, things don't look so bleak anymore and I feel like I want to finally get the chance to be close with someone. There's a few obstacles to that, mainly my shyness and also my unwillingness to go to gay bars/clubs/groups (I just don't seem to relate to any of it, I can't even explain why, I just don't really seem to belong in these types of environments.) I guess I'm trying to make use of the internet as I have done in the past. Again, I want to find someone who I can really get on well with, I'm not the type of person who just wants sex or whatever, I'm more interested in being with someone who's special to me. Sounds cheesy! Well, thats just background. Over a year ago I posted some desperate personal ad and I got a response from a guy, and we seemed to get on really well, we met up for a drink and it went well, just as friends. Then we went ages without seeing each other (which was probably my fault) until I got in touch with him again. We've met each other a few times since, just friends, but its always been me instigating it, he has ignored me before, which he put down to feeling depressed at the time. Last time we met went well, I thought, and he said that he'd text me and hopefully we'd see each other soon. He never did so I sent him one, which got a short, sort of disinterested reply, and the conversation died. He's not been in touch since and even though I'm dying to get in touch again, I think he might not want to know me anymore really, so I don't want to thrust my presence upon him if he's not interested. I'm just confused. I thought we got on really well together, you know, even as friends. I like him as a person and would like to be closer to him (I don't really know how I feel, but I know that I like him). Should I just accept that he doesn't really want to meet up again? Why would he not be in touch otherwise? A part of me hopes that he wants me to get in touch, for some reason, maybe he thinks I'm not interested. Should I just go for it and see if he wants to do something? But I don't want to be too pushy, if he wanted to see me he would've got in touch by now surely, and I just keep on getting in touch when he doesn't want to see me. It just felt good to meet someone who was like me in a lot of ways and who also happened to be gay, I enjoyed his company. Arrrggghhh :bang: I'm confused. I don't even know why I made this post :icon_sad:
As a boyfriend, I'd say you should just forget any and all thoughts of that for now. He definitely isn't in a place where he's interested - or so it would appear. As a friend though, perhaps you should reach out again and see how he is doing. You don't necessarily need to get together, but tell him you've been thinking about him and you wanted to be sure he was OK. You mentioned that he hadn't responded at least once because of depression. Perhaps he's suffering again (still) with depression and isn't likely to be the one to reach out and make the effort. (If you've ever been depressed yourself you probably can relate.) If you've found someone who you feel comfortable with and helps you relate as a 'gay' person, then stick with them. My first 'gay' friend helped me a lot when I was first coming out. But why not go to other things? If there are gay events organized you should go. And yes - it will feel awkward, but you wont' be the only person going for the first time. There's bound to be at least one other person who is attending for the first time and they'll be in exactly the same boat you'll be in. And even if there isn't, everyone there will have had to come to their 'first' meeting at some point - so they'll understand that you're a little shy and uncomfortable, and will likely go out of their way to make you feel welcome. Get out there and meet people! Good luck!
You made this post because you wanted to talk, and that’s what this site is here for. You feeling good, that’s great! a good step in the right direction. So, if I'm reading this right: A shy guy isn't comfortable going to a place with loud music, flashing lights, and guys flaunting it all over the place, nothing wrong there, not a big fan of the gay club myself. Then you met a guy online and met for a drink and things when ok (meaning they didn't go super-fabulous-awesome-wonderful) so, you texted this guy a few times and didn't seem that interested. Maybe your trying to hang on to his guy because right now it seems like he is the only one interested and meeting other gay men isn't all that easy, but if he seems to be blowing you off then he probably isn't interested. If big gaps go between you two talking/seeing each other that also isn't a good sign. You may have to cut the ties and start looking for a new man.
First of all I don't think there is anything cheesy about wanting to be with someone who is special, I can't speak for everyone but I know it's something I want. Also as malachite said there isn't anything wrong with not liking the club scene, it's not everyone's thing, I know it's not mine. the internet dating thing I can't really give any advice on since I've never tried it, but I know some people who have done it and its worked for them. With the guy that you met through the personal ad, maybe just try getting in touch with him one more time saying that you would just like to hang out sometime just as friends, and see how he reacts to it. If he doesn't reply then I think it might be an idea just to leave it, and if he does reply then just take it from there. There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep in touch with someone that you like, even if it is just as friends, but there is no point in trying if they don't want to keep in touch with you.
Thanks to you all for your replies The advice was what I needed to hear to be honest, I was maybe clinging on to him because I could really relate to him and he also happened to be gay, but I know myself he doesn't really seem that interested, even as being friends which is all I was looking for. I decided I'd give it one more go, I wanted to know one way or another, so I sent a light hearted text just asking how he was, nothing clingy or anything, and I didn't even mention meeting up again or anything. No response. So, I give up, it's disappointing but I think I've just gotta accept the facts and move on. I'm glad I kind of have an answer now and I can just try forget about it, there's no point dwelling on it. Otherwise I feel good I'm still not really sure how I can meet other gay people that I feel I can relate to, but its something that I can work on and think about without worrying whether others will find out. Its just so liberating now being able to have conversations and not being bothered about people knowing. Thanks for the responses, this part of my life feels really knew to me so I thought I'd get some advice! Thanks
