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Final Steps for coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sesshomaru, Nov 2, 2010.

  1. Sesshomaru

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    Okay I'm finally at my ending point for coming out. Although I'm pretty sure it's known by everyone for the most part, but I want to make sure that this time no one (namely my close family) can be confused with the thought of me ever being straight.

    I recently had a nervous breakdown at school Friday which led to being depressed Firday/Saturday and not eating at all. Sunday came around and I finally ate, and found out my grandma and mom had been putting their heads together, without telling me ofc, to try to figure out exactly what caused the breakdown. I don't plan on telling them unless they ask either. Grams also wanted me to spend part of the day with her so "it could be like old times" and promised not to ask any questions about anything for now so "I could see that she wasn't going to love me any less." From what I gathered so far they seem to think it was due to me being gay, even if that was part of it, and when my grandma called to try guessing at what it was she said, "Well was it due to something your mom knows about you?" As soon as she said that I knew my mom had to have told her about everything probably including the note I wrote her as well. She followed that up with, "Well I just wanted to let you know I'm always here for you. I know you might be thinking something along the lines of I would never understand some things about you maybe due to my religion but when it comes to you I'd place my religion second and you first. Nothing you could tell me about yourself could ever change the way I love you no matter what it is, even if it does go against my religion." The whole time she's saying all of this I'm thinking to myself that my mom had to have told her I'm gay. She's never brought anything like that up before now, and the fact that she knows that she's very religious and that homosexuality goes against what Christianity says that it could be the only thing she was implying. With her finally saying in so many words that she's okay with me being gay, I've decided it's time to kick this closet door down. She was basically the only obstacle left that was keeping me from coming out fully. I asked her later that day before she dropped me back off with my mom, "Ma told you everything about me...didn't she?" By the look on her face and the delay in her response I knew I had caught her off guard and that it had to be true. She replied with, "We'll talk tomorrow." but never brought it up yesterday.

    Now for the main reason for this. I've decided to either tell her somehow over the phone since she calls to check up on me about 3-5 times throughout the day, or wait until I see her Friday and just blurt it out before my mind can stop me from doing it. Which do you guys think would be the better approach?

    Also as for coming out fully at home I've done small things to hint towards it for now until after I tell my grandma and she later tells my mom (while I know she should let me tell her myself, I know for a fact my grandma will tell her somehow due to talking a little too much). So far I've changed my myspace/facebook orientation to Gay since all of my friends except a few already know, changed the wallpaper/screensaver on my phone to the face of a hot guy from a tv show I watch weekly that my mom has sometimes sat down to watch with me (and even commented that she thinks he's hot lol) since everyone seems to be in love with looking at my phone, and stopped hiding the browser screen when I visit this site.

    So with all that being said, any comments/suggestions/feedback at all on if this is going in the right direction so far? Thanks in advance :grin:
     
    #1 Sesshomaru, Nov 2, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2010
  2. adam88

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    She already knows. Bring it up however you feel comfortable - all you're doing now is confirming. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Jim1454

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    It sounds like everyone around you likely knows. Now it's about actually talking about it openly so that it isn't this heavy burden that you're carrying around with you all the time. It gets SO much better when you can relax and be open about this. Trust me - I've been there. Good luck!