What am I?

You don't say here how old you are. Sex, to some extent, IS scary. It involves being very vulnerable and open and intimate with another person - moreso than perhaps you've ever been with another person. And that can be scary.

Figuring out whether you're gay or bi isn't necessarily a must. You'll know when you know. You HAVE come to the conclusion that you are NOT straight - so that's something. Otherwise, don't sweat it.

You certainly could be asexual, but these feelings might be more related to nervousness and uncertainty than a really underlying lack of interest in sex. Give it time.

And hang out here. We can relate. Reading the stories of others and participating in the dialogue here will help you get comfortable with who you are and help you to realize what you're really looking for. Good luck!

 

well, kinsey 4 or 5 is a start.

As for you saying you find sex scary, I felt like that not long ago. I kind of fixed it by coming out

 

I am going to say you definitely aren't asexual... you have interest in sex, you like guys (good choice btw ) and you have some interest in girls. I am not sure there are a lot of asexual people out there anyway... i just think there are a lot of people who have issues with sex/sexuality.

As far as being gay v bi... hell I don't know. I've had sex with both, but I identify as gay because I just like guys much more. I don't really have any interest in dating girls.

Take some time and get comfortable with the fact that you aren't straight. Sex is a lot easier to worry about after that.

 

I think a lot of people get hung up on the idea that sex=penetration; it doesn't have to. When you imagine sex to get a feel for how you feel about it, don't insist that there be penetration. Imagine giving (or getting) a full-body massage, lying naked next to someone, touching their genitals in you hand, etc.

 

"Intercourse" freaks you out. What about blowjobs? Or mutual masturbation?

Lex

 

I honestly feel like the best answer here is: then don't get stuck on the idea of needing to have it all figured out!

It's terribly tempting to feel like you need to have a grip on everything before even entering into a real relationship. It's tempting to think that, once you know where you stand on all issues, from holding hands to full-on sex, things will go more smoothly.

However, that's not how it happens in reality. Reality is just an ever-progressing series of events, and you take each one as they come. You don't figure out the exact measure of your attraction to men or women, instead you just find someone you're attracted to and try to make that work.
And oftentimes relationships don't start with sex. They start with looking into each other's eyes, then progress to holding hands, and so on, until you either can't come up with new possibilities, or one partner says: "sorry, I don't think that works for me". at which point you find other ways to progress, or decide you're happy with things as they are (or break up, if it really doesn't work out).
But all through these phases, you have time to think, you can discuss it with your partner, and you can decide to go more slowly or speed it up a bit.

Don't get hung up on your age either. For some reason, the stereotype is that by age 20 (or even earlier), you're done with soul-searching and are supposed to have it all figured out. That's a lie, though. All people, from 15 to 99 are just figuring out things as they go along. And even if they figured things out in one situation, they have to figure it out again in another.
Honestly, at age 27, I have not made a ton of headway in figuring out what I like sexually either. But I'm confident that I'll manage to make it work along the way anyway. And I won't be alone in it either. There'll probably be another guy there to hold my hand during it :icon_wink

I'd say it's best to stop searching on your own and get out there. Join a GLBT (or other) club. Make friends. and when you feel attracted to someone, male or female, roll with it. And decide on each step as it comes.

 

What are you? a Human Being trying to figure out WTF is going on.

You don't need a label to define what you are. Maybe you like guys more then girls, whatever. Don't think you need to put a word on your sexual orientation to be happy with it. you'll just go nuts.

 

Bingo!

You are you, and no alliteration of words or phrases can properly grasp that witch is so complex there is only one. One can only attempt, through a lifetime of experience, to define ones own existence. I know of only one truth in this world, I do not know.

The Buddha once said,
"The fool who knows of his ignorance, indeed, through that very consideration becomes a wise man. But that conceited fool who considers himself learned is, in fact, called a fool." - The Dhammapada 5:13-16

 

>>>Umm those things are fine. I've had some light experience with that...not too much, but enough to know it's alright by me

There's this wide-held belief (especially among the straight-leaning-homophobic community) that "being gay" means "loves getting anal". And that simply isn't the case. Just for starters, roughly half of gay guys consider themselves tops (or on that side of the versatile fence). Secondly, the most common sexual activity between gay men isn't anal - it's oral. A surprisingly large percentage of gay couples "rarely or never" have anal.

My point is this. Just because anal doesn't interest you doesn't mean you can't be gay. Plenty of gay guys aren't interested in it. And it MAY be that, once you meet the right guy, you'll revisit your stance. Or maybe not. Either way, it's all good.

Lex