So I have these friends - and they are actually friends, but they dont know how much they are hurting me. Today, we had this conversation in break time, which eventually led to sex. Have you had sex? He asked everyone in the group. I was the only one to say yes. "With a guy? I dont believe you?" "NO" "So you havent had sex?" "Yes I have. With a girl" "Thats not really sex, you know" "Yes it is" "It is actually" (My best friend said, thank god. But no one really listened to her) And then someone else popped into the conversation: "The definition of sex is sexual intercourse. Penis into vagina" "No it isnt." "Yes it is... (this continues for a while)" The first guy comes back in. "But its not exactly NATURAL, is it" "Yeah it is" "No it isnt" "Yes it is. It happens in some animals" "URG, no way" And they always say 'gay' when something shit happens, and I call them out for it every time, and they carry on. I even asked them why they don't say niger instead. That didn't work either. So basically, I'd like some advice on how to deal with these idiots, possibly some links where I could direct them to some information that explains what sex is, and that homosexuality is observed in some animals (I'm trying not to use wikipedia). And also, while I'm at it, I just started playing rugby, and I'm not out yet. It involves a hell of a lot of touching girls ect, and while I'm definitely going to come out, probably on thursday, I don't know how to do it. Also, a couple of girls have set my gaydar pinging, but I'm not sure about them.
Drop them. If they can't respect you for who you are and can't be respectful around you, I say get rid of them because they really aren't your friends, they're just posers (aside from your one best friend who came to your defense despite no one listening to her)
Seconded. Why put yourself through the emotional stress of dealing with them if they wont respect you?
First off, it's their own lose if they choose to be ignorant. All you can do is try to enlighten and inform. I have a problem with their logic of "Natural". One, it implies existing in or produced by nature. God or Nature or whatever formed humans to their current state, it is inescapable. Now, if humans were created by nature, however far removed we like to think ourselves, then all that humans do is in a sense natural. Or thats the way i see it anyway.
those dont really sound like friends to me...why would you subject yourself to that banter and to them...i would make some new friends and loose that group...
i wouldn't advise dropping them as friends as quickly as some other people have suggested... Rise above it, you are better than that and you needn't let it affect you. Know that in this regard you are more mature and educated than they are. Perhaps they will grow up some day and come to realise their foolishness... For now, they're just kids being kids, you're just a smarter kid.
Thanks, that is basically the only thing I can do. Although I would really like to drop them, I can't because there are only about 100 people in the whole of secondary. And the rest of them are outward homophobes. And worse, now they arent talking to me because they discovered I got accepted into bording school. I just feel like I'm almost back where I started, friendless and alone. I still have six months left in school until I can go back to england, and I dont think I can manage without friends.
Yea my friend always says "gay" instead of something like stupid. Even though I came out to him as bi before, but he just didn't accept it and brushed it off.
In some animals? It happens in all animals that have sex. Anyways, depending on your relationship with them is what you should do. If you're not very close, drop them. If you are, try to change them.
Like I said above, I havent got room to drop them. I cant live without friends for long, and there is a shortage of people near me
I use "gay" for calling things stupid, or whatever, all the time. I dont consider it the same word as the "gay" which means "homosexual". Also, let your friends think what they want. If you've had sex, you've had sex, its hardly important for them to know anyway. You have a good best friend to fall back on.
a lot time people say things that are offensive, but really don't mean anything by it. I was talking with a friend once about how my Dad and I never got along growing up, and she said something like, if you did you wouldn't be gay. I knew she didn't mean anything, so why get upset.
It seems your best friend is the one to rely on in the group, if your other friends are less supportive perhaps you could open yourself to her more (or another supportive friend) if you haven't already, I find having one or two good, supportive, open friends can make up for the ignorence of the others and help make you feel less lonely. I can understand why you would want to keep them as friends, I have afew friends that are unknowingly hurtful just because of their views. As for Rugby do as you like I suppose, if you feel more awkward not telling them then go for it, bring it up in conversation or something.
