So I've only posted once before here, mostly a lurker, but I could really use some help now . I'm only out to my bestfriend at the moment, who has been completely amazing and supportive, but I am terrified to tell my parents. At the moment, this girl likes me, but since I'm obviously uninterested I have just been smiling and nodding and avoiding her and whatnot until she eventually will hopefully lose interest. The thing is my mom knows this girl likes me, and she is not ugly at all, so she is always asking me, " Why don't you ask her out?" and such. My parents are super-conservative, and I go to a catholic all-boys high school so coming out fully is not an option until college, sadly. My friend thinks i should just get it over with and tell them, but he doesn't realize how hard it was for me to tell him. Sometimes I wonder how i ever said it to him... So, back on track, my question is, do you think she knows? I've been trying to make it more and more obvious, but it just seems like she has an idea but is in denial. Help :help:
Hi there! First off congrats on your coming out journey thus far. Glad that your friend is supportive and is there for you. I think the first thing you could do is polity say to the girl that you don't have the same feelings for her, but that you would like to just remain friends for now. Nodding, smiling and avoiding her might just lead her to believe that there is a chance, which isn't really fair to her, nor to yourself. I think for now, it would be okay to say to your mum that you don't feel the same way about the girl. All you are saying is that you don't feel the same way about the girl, nothing more, nothing less. If you are making it more and more obvious, it is possible that your mum might have picked up something. Did she ask you any questions recently or did she say something that would indicate that she knows?
In answer to your question, yes. but hardly anything positive. she will always say, "I'm starting to worry joe," sometimes sarcastically, others not. i feel like i want to just tell them, and post it to facebook and just be done with it, but it is just so hard. my mom is completely in denial, she knows, but doesnt want to know, and i think she thinks if i get a girlfriend quickly then any feelings i may have will just go away. college really cannot come fast enough.
Hi there! Even though your mum might suspect and is in denial, and if you feel that it would go badly I would suggest to wait a bit before you come out. Given that you are also finding it really hard, it's possible that you aren't ready yet yourself to come out to them. When the time comes, and you come out to your parents, give them time to come around to it. It will take a while for your parents to come around to it and for them to be able to reconcile their religious beliefs and having a gay son. (*hug*) Maybe for now, concentrate on building your support network. Try to expand it and draw on that support. (*hug*)
I also have been trying to drop hints but it really isn't helping me either. So I'm just going to write her a letter since I'm not good at talking face to face about this. I'd be too nervous. So I'm just going to leave a letter and find out that way. That might be an option for you too.
A couple of thoughts: 1. I agree with Mirko. It's best for you and her if you talk to the girl, and tell her, sorry, you don't feel the same way. Maybe you'd like to be friends, if so, say so. You don't have to tell her why, but you ought to tell her you're not interested. 2. Tell the friend who you're out to how hard it was to come out to him. I think sometimes people don't understand how tough it is, especially when you've told only one or two people. Then he'll understand why you don't want to come out fully yet, and also he'll appreciate just how good a friend he is, because he's the one who knows (and we all know that those friends deserve all the credit we can give them!). 3. Branch out your support net if you're not ready to be more out (or if you are). If there's nobody else in 'real life' you feel comfortable telling, then keep lurking here, and posting, too. 4. Parents can be odd, and difficult to read. I came out to my dad on the phone. He wanted to know what I was upset about, and he said, "You know, your mother and I are pretty open-minded, so..." I took that to be a hint and jumped. The words, "Dad, I'm gay" were followed by a long silence. Apparently it wasn't a hint after all. Now, you know your parents best, and its up to you what to do, or not do, and when. But if you want to come out to your mother, or at least to keep leaving hints, here's a suggestion. Next time she says, "I'm starting to worry," serious or joking, ask "About what?" in the same mood that she's in. You'll maybe find out if she's guessed, how comfortable (or not) she feels about the subject, and, if you want, that could be a good starting point for coming out. Good luck!
thanks ni(btw i love monty python haha) ive found your thoughts to be pretty insightful. im just going to lay low for now and try to figure out exactly how i feel and if im ready.
