So my sisters ex bf invited me to his house to meet his new gf. I know my sis isn't over their break up yet, so she'll probably be upset if she were to find out that I met her. I kinda wanna go, both out of curiosity and because I know they're in a serious relationship. If I do go I'm 99% sure that my sis would find out, and I don't wanna upset her as she's already broken from the break up. I consider her ex-bf my brother, so I'm really considering going but idk if it's right. I love both of them a lot but I'm thinking of telling the ex if I can just wait a few months so that it doesn't hurt my sis as much. I feel like such a selfish ass for even considering this. Anyways, I would like to hear other opinions on what I should do.
In my personnal opinion, there is nothing wrong in meeting your sister's ex-boyfriend new-girlfriend. The relationship you have with him has nothing to do with your sister anymore. You seem to be important to each other and so that's only natural that he wants you to meet someone who is important for him as well. Now, I understand why this might be hard for your sister, and I think you should talk to her about it rather than letting her finding out on her own. Tell her that her ex has invited you to come and meet his new-girlfriend. Tell her that you understand she is still grieving from their break up and thatyou understand that the thought he has a new girlfriend is painful for her. And tell her that the fact you're meeting his new girlfriend isn't meant to hurt her, that she is your sister and that you love her but that her ex is also a close friend of yours and that it's normal that he wants you to meet his new girlfriend. Last but not least, warn her in advance that you will not answer any question she has about the new girlfriend. I know you're not in an easy situation, just be honest and avoid conflict, you should be fine. Take care, Cécile
In my opinion, blood bounds are stronger than those formed based on friendship. If there is a remote chance of hurting your sister, don't go. She is your sister for life, while her ex-bf is not someone that is bound to be there forever. It's OK to have friends, and friends who you might even love and care for as siblings, but real siblings always come before them.
Funny how I could be in a similar situation since my sister and her bf broke up officially yesterday after a strong 3 year relationship, during which time I got to know her bf very well (as you said like a brother) and came out to him, though the situation is different as my sister actually incourages me to keep contact with him since we all still have a good friendship. I'd say that your friendship with him now can be considered seperate from your sister. But if she is sensitive as you say you could either wait like you said or like Cécile said if you plan to go see them, have a talk with your sister first and just say that you may be going to see him and his new girlfriend but you are not trying to spite her and you know it's hard for her, you're just wanting to maintain your friendship with him as well as not wanting to hurt her, Hopefully she will understand.
>>>In my opinion, blood bounds are stronger than those formed based on friendship. If there is a remote chance of hurting your sister, don't go. She is your sister for life, while her ex-bf is not someone that is bound to be there forever. Family is as family does. If you're really tight with your sister, I'd say you might need to take her feelings into account. But the whole reason you've maintained a relationship with the ex-bf is because you felt a bond with him that's lacking with other people in your life, including your family. I'd agree with Cecile that you shouldn't sneak around to meet them. Be open and sympathetic about what's going on. Lex
I have the opposite opinion. 'Friends are the family you CHOOSE' IMO I'd say go and meet her, and don't even mention it to your sister. Its nothing to do with her (and probably wont ever be anything to do with her again)
This is a hard one. I'm Jede on this one, though. If you are very close to your sis then I say take her feelings into consideration and talk to her about it all and explain your side. I get that he is like your brother, but, to me, friends can come and go very easily. Family will always be there for you.
Hi there! As Cecile and Lex mentioned, be open with your sister about your intentions of going over to meet with her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. I think you can balance your relationship with her ex-boyfriend by being open and honest with everyone, including your sister. I'm sure she will appreciate it if you talk with her about it beforehand, as it shows that you do take her feelings into consideration as well.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I've been thinking a lot about this(practically non-stop) and I think that I've come to a conclusion. I'll probably tell him that I'd rather meet her later(in a few months or so). I've imagined being around the two of them(the ex and his gf) and I am not really comfortable with the idea. I think I still have certain feelings about the break up and seeing them together just might bring up those feelings, which isn't good at all. I think this is good also because it gives time for two things: 1- my sis to heal from the break up, so that when I do meet his gf, my sis isn't hurt as much. And 2- Time for me to actually learn things about his gf before I meet her. The only time the ex has even mentioned his gf to me was when he told me that he had a gf. I'm the one who brought her up yesterday, then he invited me over. I'd rather know a bit about her before I meet her, just so that I'll feel more comfortable.
Hi there! If this is how you feel, and don't feel comfortable with the idea, I think giving it some time is probably a good approach. Try not to over-think it though. Just follow your gut feelings on it.
