Gay neighbor invited us over!

If you aren't like the stereotypes, then I'd guess that they wouldn't be able to tell. Although sometimes we act a lot gayer than we think. lol

As for how to act, just act calm and polite. Don't worry too much about this.

Also, if they are able to tell that you're gay, I'd doubt that they'd say anything. I mean, you'd think that they'd understand that you're in the closet or atleast they'd assume it.

 

Act like your nice neighbors invited you over for dinner.

Lex

 

If your mom accepted your neighbor's invitation and knows of his orientation as well, then maybe your mom is more accepting than you think. Anyways, easier said than done but just be yourself at dinner.

 

I highly doubt that your family will crucify you for being gay if your mom accepted an invitation to dinner with your openly gay neighbor. You might just be exaggerating the circumstances, however I am not you so I don't know. But this could be an oppurtunity to get help from your neighbor if they do suspect you are gay. They are very likely to be the like people on here; even though many of us are out, we respect and would not just out someone. Believe it or not, outing is a very offensive in our community (or at least the MA chapter).

 

Why type my reply when everyone said it already. I'll just second both of these comments. Sometimes it helps to have more people agree.

 

>>>Hmmmmm.....witty comment, but I'm still in the closet, so right now I'm all about avoiding my crucifixion...In other words, if my family even suspected I were gay, they would hate me.

As pointed out, they accepted the invitation. That means they'll at least dine with gays. So act like two nice people invited you over for dinner. Because they did. That's all you need do.

Lex

 

You know what? Unfortunately... or fortunately in your case. We can't look at someone and just know that they are gay. So it is really doubtful that over a meal they will 'figure you out' when people you have spent years with haven't.

Secondly, if for some reason they see in you what they themselves went through (which I doubt), they will know how difficult the coming out process is/can be and will know that 'outting' someone is a horrible thing to do.

Lastly, I think it is more likely that if they do in the off chance figure that you might be gay -- they might mention something when you are NOT in front of your parents.

You're fine dude. Relax, enjoy the meal. And see how regular gay couples can be.

 

I'm just a bit confused what exactly might happen that will clue your mother in. The only thing I can think of is if the gay couple asks if you're dating anybody, but even then, all you have to say is "no". Other than that, don't gasp at and fondle the window treatments, and don't say the appetizers were "simply divine". Nothing to worry about.

Lex

 

How about you just forget that they are gay and treat them how you would treat a new acquaintance that one of your friends has introduced you to. There is no reason they deserve some kind of special treatment for being gay. I'm sure your mother also taught you manners and wouldn't be pleased if you weren't a friendly guest.

Honestly, you are over analyzing this and need to calm down and enjoy being their guest.

 

^ Um is your mother gay? She must be by your logic because when they invited her over she didn't punch them in the face so she must be a total mo. You are being completely ridiculous. No one, NO ONE, can look at a person, or even spend an evening talking to them for that matter, and know that the person is gay without the person telling them. I don't understand at all why you're freaking out. Take a breath and re read your posts. I think you'll find that if anything you're being a little offensive because you're implying that because these neighbors are gay you have to treat them different then you would anyone else. Then you're saying that you don't want your mom to figure out because she'll treat you different? The only way anyone will suspect something's up is if you don't act like yourself. Seriously though I think it is all in your head. It is right there in the title of the thread. You shouldn't be thinking 'gay neighbor invited us over' it should be 'neighbor invited us over.' Why would a neighbor inviting you over for dinner be a problem? You said you wanted to be nice. Well, treat them like neighbors, who happen to be gay, not gay neighbors because the fact that they're gay shouldn't matter at all.

 

We're reading. But I don't think you're comprehending.

Yes, gay guys often do have gaydar to some degree. But that doesn't mean they've got it on 24-7. And that's especially true when they're in their fifties. They don't "sniff down" all the guys they come in contact with, especially when they're way out of their age bracket.

But let's say that you DO trip their gaydar somehow. If I were having dinner with a friend and their teenage son, and I somehow got the idea that he might be gay, I sure as hell wouldn't say "Hey, kid, you're pushing the needle in the red here. You family?" Like all gay guys, I remember what it's like to be young and unsure. And I know for a fact that the last thing they'd want is to be outed like that. Plus, it'd make me look pretty pervy, if you ask me. Even if I did think he was gay, I wouldn't bring it up. And I think that'd be true of pretty much every gay guy.

And as for "why is he being nice to them? he must be gay!"? Well, where does that put your mother? Is she a fag hag now? I mean, she agreed to have dinner with them. She didn't drop the wall in front of them, so I can't imagine she'll immediately think something's fishy simply because you didn't do it, either.

Go. Have dinner. Be nice. Have fun. I'm guessing even 99% of homophobes would be polite and civil when having dinner at a gay guy's house, because decorum demands it. If you want to be cold, or even hostile, I guess that's your call, but I can guarantee that will lead to a lot more questions than being nice...

Lex

 

Whoa.

Chill out, dude. Take a step back.

I think the answer is as simple as just being polite - and from what I can see, that's all the people in the thread are saying.

 

Most of the replies have already been pretty good, but i'll say one thing in response to this

Just be yourself, you said you 'don't really fit the stereotypes'.


If you are REALLY worried they might suspect something and say something, go over and speak to him first and ask him not to mention anything about orientations, and i'm sure they'll choose their words extra careful for you (and this guy sounds like he'd be a great person to have to help you when you finally do want to come out to your family)

 

Last chance.

As I said above, even if you "give yourself away" to your neighbors (which I doubt will happen, since they probably won't be looking), they won't say anything. Therefore, I'm assuming you're worried that your mother will somehow start suspecting. And based on what you said above, you indicated that'd be because "if you're nice to gay guys, they'll think you're gay, too". Which is why we keep saying "be nice to them". Because the implication seems to be that you're going to NOT be nice to them, to keep your mother from thinking you might be gay. And at the risk of repeating myself, being NOT nice is bound to cause more questions than being nice will.

How do you keep your mother from "guessing"? I guess by not acting overly interested in "the whole gay thing". By not asking a ton of questions about what it's like being gay. But I can't imagine you would do that in any event. If anything is going to tip her off, it'll be the sheer fact that you're so worked up over it. So CTFD and just go have dinner.

Lex