Sorry for the pun... ...but, I cant seem to get my self esteem up to a normal, comfortable level. I just dont feel very good about myself, for a number of reasons. I am not doing great at school, not doing badly, but I could be doing a lot better. This isnt a very big problem, but its sorta stemmed from my low self esteem. I never really noticed before, but I never have any confidence in myself, I dont trust myself to do well at anything. I think thats why I dont put myself out there and try to succeed, which means I always fail. Whenever I am given a task to do, I stutter around, freaking out because I have forgotten exactly what I was told to do with the X and where I can find the Y. I have been doing hospitality operations at school for 2 years now, and I am still not confident that I can barrister a cup of coffee, even though I know I can do it, and do it well. Another thing, I hate my body. Not entirely, there are some good bits, I guess. But on the whole, it isnt a very good body. I hate the little things the most. I used to chew my nails a lot, and I onyl recently got out of the habit, I still do it on occasion, so now my nails are a slightly askew shape, and it bugs the living hell out of me. But the biggest thing, is my legs and feet. I have had a lot of bad habits in m ytime, but the one that has affected me the most is me walking up on my toes when I was little, it has caused my legs and feet to grow wrong, and it is the worst thing about my whole body. I would even settle for having no legs at all, if it meant I didnt have to have my legs. My whole family is very, 'well built', not neccessarily fat, but just arranged in such a way that makes us big without actually being very big. My little brother is really sporty, so I can see in him what a skinny member of my family looks like. My older brother isnt fat at all, but he looks as if he weighs more than an elephant, so thats another path my evil little genes may take. (Dear god, please dont give me my dads vulture nose and baldness.) I myself am fairly fat, not huge, but certainly not a healthy weight. I am working on it though, so it isnt a big problem. But I worry that when I do lose weight, I wont get the outcome I wanted. I have always wished I had a smaller body, a skinnier, lighter body, but I am stuck with a body as thick as a tree. I am really hairy too; that swims around in the gene pool aswell. I have hair everywhere that it shouldnt be, in places that I didnt think humans could grow hair, heck, even my dog has less hair than me in some places. I just dont feel attractive, everything about me is wrong. Even if I am attractive to others, it doesnt count for anything if I cant feel attractive myself. I dont know how I can start feeling better about myself. I guess when I lose all this weight I will feel good, but I worry that I wont like what I see, and that will just make things worse. It isnt stuck on my mind all day everyday, but at times I just get into a really bad low, and I hate myself with a passion. Does anybody have any advice on how to get the boilers running and the e-steam flowing again? (Sorry for the pun, again...)
Hi there! Lets start with your school work first. If you re-read the first sentence, and with what you have ended it, you know that you have it in you to do a lot better. Often times, it is about being able to motivate yourself to take it up a gear and do what you know you can do. You know you can do a lot better. Take that knowledge and and build up your self-confidence. What to do? Sit down and create a plan as to how you can do a lot better. For each class that you have, set yourself a realistic goal. You know what you have to do for each class, and set the amount of time aside that you need to complete the assignments and study for exams. As you improve in your studies and you can see that your achieving your goals, your confidence will increase. Part of it is also convincing yourself and learning to trust yourself that yes, you can do things well. The more you highlight the negatives or the 'failures' as it were, the more you get yourself down, and are overlooking the positives and the successes. If you are not doing badly, that means you must have had some successes too. Start concentrating on those, and use them to built on them. The way you look at things and the things you choose to highlight are all tied to your confidence. If you tell yourself that you can do say for example a task, and remind yourself about the steps to complete that task, the chances are your will be able to succeed and probably feel pretty good afterward. In building up your confidence and self-esteem, perhaps try to volunteer somewhere or get a part time job (if you don't have one yet) in the hospitality industry to put your knowledge into practice. We all look different, come in different shapes and sizes. Keep working on loosing some weight by continuing what you are doing, if it is going to the gym, or walking and jogging on a regular basis in conjunction with a nutritious diet, etc..., but at the end of the day, what really matters is not how much weight you have lost, and as to whether you have been able to shape your body into a six pack, but what really matters is that you are happy with your body. The first thing that could help you is to stop comparing yourself to your brothers and to others. Just look at your own body and try to learn to accept it as it is. Once you have lost the weight you want to lose, pad yourself on the back and say to yourself well done. While you are doing that, start to learn to like yourself. Every morning when you get up, stand in front of the mirror. Start observing yourself. Pick out one thing, and no matter what it is that you do like. If there is nothing that stands out or if you feel there is nothing you can pin point on the spot, then keep observing yourself for a bit longer. After another minute of observing yourself some more, try to say out loud to yourself (for example) "hey, my eyes look nice." That's the first step. The next morning go back to the mirror, and observe yourself again. Start saying the same sentence again: "hey, my eyes look nice." Then after a couple of days, go on to something else. After doing that for a little while expand on the 'little' things that you have highlighted. For example, when you say "hey, my eyes look nice" add "because....." The more you do that, you will start liking yourself for who you are. Over time, you will start loving yourself. Once you start doing all of these little things, you will probably notice that your self-esteem will pick up. Once you start accepting things just the way they are, you will start to like your own body, you will start to like yourself. (*hug*)
