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Intimacy problems?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by amberger, Nov 13, 2010.

  1. amberger

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    I am a girl, and my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We do not live together though. We started to be intimate after two years of dating due to the circumstance. Everything has been ok until now. She has gotten really sad and gets really upset sometimes. She just isn't happy the way she used to be. I've looked into counseling for her but she doesn't want it. She'd rather talk to me about her problems. Sometimes though, she gets mad at me when I try to help her. The first time, I tried to be intimate with her. I touched her and she started crying. I didn't know what was wrong and she said she didn't either. And just last night, I tried to be intimate with her again and she first made it seem like a game and I just played along. And then when I went to touch her, She told me to stop and that she wasn't in the mood. I was shocked, rejected, hurt. I stopped though and she started crying. I didn't understand. She said that it had nothing to do with me, that she still loves, wants and needs me all the same. She said it was her, and she doesn't understand why she does it. She said she's not afraid, still attracted to me, still wants to be intimate, and not on her period. She said that she doesn't feel pretty enough. I tell her how beautiful she is every day and she knows I think so. I just don't understand the correlation between her not feeling pretty enough and our intimate time. I don't understand why she is shutting me out. Help?
     
  2. Walolas

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    I watch way too many crimes shows. Specifically Law and Order: SVU and that sounds like almost any sexually abused victim they had on the show. She might be lieing to you about not knowing why she cries or maybe she supressed what happened but her body still remembers if she doesnt consiously. Just my two cents but I would think she needs a true specialist to talk about her issues with.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    It's important to keep communicating with your girlfriend. She's obviously having a difficult time right now - possibly struggling with depression. Don't take her rejection personally. She is likely more upset with herself than with you.

    Counselling would likely be a good thing. Perhaps for her, perhaps for both of you, perhaps for you alone. It's very helpful to be able to talk about these things with a professional to work through these differences and difficulties that you are experiencing. You can overcome these things - but not if your partner doesn't want to work on it. You'll need to talk to her about it.