Ok, I haven’t posted much on here but something’s been on my mind recently that I just want to get off my chest. And I’m sorry if this gets a bit messy, I’m trying to get it written in time before I go to work, and I’m not very good at talking about my feelings anyway. Basically, my problem is that I never take risks in life and never put myself out there. I always take the easy option. I just find it really difficult to open up to people and step outside my comfort zone and recently I’ve been starting to realise that it’s had quite a big effect on the way I dealt with being gay – or rather didn’t deal with it. I suppose this started a few days ago when I watched the movie ‘Shelter’ (awesome film by the way) which really made me think about myself and my situation. It opened my eyes to a few things. It reminded me that there are people out there who have it much tougher in their lives than I do. People who have real problems, for whatever reason, but who are still able to come to terms with their sexuality and deal with it better than I’ve been able to. I’m pretty sure a few people have figured out I’m gay. I don’t try to hide it but at the same time I’ve never actually told anyone - even though i'm sure my friends and family would be accepting. It comes back to the difficulty I have opening up to people, even people I’m very close to. So, it’s no surprise that i’ve never had a boyfriend or done anything with a guy. I don’t even have any gay friends. And I did an amazing job of convincing myself that I was happy like that. But for the first time, I’m starting to feel a bit isolated. I mean, my friends and family are great but I don’t feel like I can talk to them about this sort of stuff. I don’t want to hide and take the easy road for the rest of my life. I want to meet new people, make new friends, maybe even find a boyfriend one day. I feel like this could be a turning point for me - it’s actually quite exciting because I feel like I really understand why I’m in this situation now and I’m determined to do something to change it. But at the same time, the thought of putting myself out there, maybe joining a gay support group for example, is absolutely terrifying. Still, even posting this is a big step for me, so it’s a start. I don’t think I really have a question but any tips or advice would be appreciated. If anyone actually made it this far – I really didn’t mean it to be so long :lol:.
What we want to do the least is often what we need to do the most. I like that line - and it has inspired me to do the tough things in my life. Not because I wanted to, but often because I DIDN'T want to. Being active here in EC was a great start for me - and likely it has been for you too. The next step was to find someone 'in real life' who was gay who I could relate to and talk to. I actually posted an online personal ad looking for a gay friend who could relate to my situation (which was of someone who had been married and had kids). And I got a bunch of great responses. One of the guys I still am in contact with over 3 years later. But I really would encourage you to take some of those steps that seem impossible. Because they aren't. You know yourself that they aren't. They're just uncomfortable. But once you're past that initial discomfort, things will pick up and gain momentum without much additional effort. Try it!
First of all, go you! A lot of people don't even get as far as you have, and just stay mired in their own crud their entire lives - because it's easy to just do the same things. And like you said, it's terrifying to even think of putting yourself out there. But trust me, it's worth it, even if it just feels like you're torturing yourself at first. It takes a while to find your niche. I was exactly where you were about a year ago, and what's funny is that it hit me a couple weeks ago how far I've come in a year. But it sucked at first - I have social anxiety disorder, so while I was getting involved in things, meeting people and such, I was constantly, utterly terrified. I would basically just drop dead at the end of the day. But it was worse suffocating to death in my "comfort zone". I still get terrified when I have to talk to new people, but at least now I know it won't kill me. My advice: start small. You haven't said how "in your shell" you are, so keep in mind that this is speaking from my experience. Go to a support group meeting, but don't feel obligated to say anything, and give yourself permission to leave if you're too uncomfortable. Or one day, tell one person something you wouldn't normally - like if you normally keep quiet about things that upset you, this time say so. Accept an invitation to lunch that you'd normally turn down. Or ask if someone wants to go on a coffee run with you. It's not something you do all at once, it's a bunch of little tiny things you do differently that eventually get easier. And if you're not comfortable coming out to people you know, it's okay to wait until you're more comfortable with just...being. I don't know if that makes any sense. :lol: Anyway, I hope this is actually helpful. At the very least, know we're cheering you on. And you're not the only one with epic posts, as you can see.
Thanks guys, you give great advice! (*hug*) And Malachite, that song's amazing. Never heard it before but I absolutely love it.
