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How to get rid of a crush?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TWestside, Nov 15, 2010.

  1. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    Hi everybody. I have a problem and hope you guys might help me. So i have a teacher at school, my literature teacher. Well, i am at good at his lesson and i really love his class. Besides lessons we chat, discuss about serious stuff or school and have fun. The thing is i really like him, have crush on him. He is way older than me (he is 32) and he is absolutely straight aalso he is engaged.
    How can i get through this? I'm trying to not-to-think about him, which is so hard.


    PS : Hope there isn't any mistake with my grammar! :slight_smile:
     
  2. Lexington

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    Your grammar is better than mine. :slight_smile:

    The general techniques for getting over a crush are time, distance, and other focal points. Time - you can't do much about. Distance is also going to be tough, since he's one of your teachers. But you might look into minimizing your contact with him for awhile. The last part is going to be the most helpful - find other people to interact with, and even crush on. That will help "revert" your teacher back into non-crush status.

    Lex
     
  3. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    You are right but i'm having so much fun when i spend time with him. Even i don't talk with him, when i see him at aisle or somewhere else, he comes and asks how am i doing. But i'm going to try give my attention to something or someone else.. :slight_smile:
     
  4. malachite

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    Lex makes some good points.

    Also, i'm assuming if he is a teacher he is a older then you, at least by the legal limit. You'll need to keep that in mind as well.

    Crushes can suck, I know as well as anyone else, time isn't always the healer, but you will be able to move on.
     
  5. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    Yeah, you are right. I want to move on, i don't think that'll happen soon, but will.
     
  6. malachite

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    Thats why they are called crushes, they crush you
     
  7. GoinStag

    In Loving Memory

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    Believe me, teacher crushes can be ROUGH. I know. I had a crush on a teacher (he taught next-door in the elementary section of my school) for 2 years. Now, I think he's like 25. He ended up not returning this year. I was/am hurt, but it's all for the good. Although, I wish I could have graduated before he left....SO...I suggest you do what I would have done: Just wait it out. If you aren't getting depressed over the guy, (I don't think you said you were) just keep on as you've been doing. Once you leave high school, THAT will be the distance you need to get over him.

    I'm not saying it's easy, but time will heal, or at least make pain easier to tolerate (someone wise once told me that lol).
     
  8. hopelesslover93

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    Hello? I have a crush on a straight guy too (not a teacher) for 3 years and im gonna spend 2 more years with him in the same class, and u should know,it just tortures me! Maybe i'm stupid but when he comes closer to me everything around goes dark and i only see him and it just makes me feel like i have the leading role in a 3rd-class lame romantic comedy..And what about him? He also makes eye contact with me and smiles in that beatiful way (btw i love the way he smiles..lol) Gosh!It just makes everything harder,cuz i should be the one who was making secretly eye contact with him!!? I mean hello,i'm the gay guy here -not him-at least as i know (?) I tried to get over millions of times,this summer i went to the USA (btw american guys are mostly gay or bi, as i think, i had lots of flirts..lol) i had crushes there bu it's like no guy on this world is more beatiful than him to me!!?When i saw him at the beginning of school time i forgot all those crushes i had.. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: BTW I've been to Germany before and i must admit German guys are HOT! I had a German teacher too and everyone was crazy about him..anyways Good Luck! (Gosh i do have one complicated Life??)
     
  9. Lexington

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    >>>You are right but i'm having so much fun when i spend time with him.

    It may be that you're not ready to let the crush go yet. It's not unusual to want to hold on to those goofy-happy feelings for awhile. If it's not causing any major issue, that's fine. But if the crush gets to be too much, obviously, you're going to have to make a move.

    Lex
     
  10. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    I'm not in a depressive mood, but still.. things can get harder. so i'm going to try to not being around him.
    So true.


    And yeah, some German guys are really hot. :grin:
     
  11. Mr.Pushover

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    Aww, that's so cute!

    Sorry. Anyways. Yeah it'll be kind of hard to get over a teacher, considering you'll have to see him every class. A question though, will you have him as a teacher all year long?

    If yes, that's rough, you just have to focus on other things and other people.

    If no, then it's alright, as you might not see him much after this semester.

    NOTE: One thing about teachers, they rarely judge their students, and they can be pretty understanding. I'm not encouraging you telling him, as it may cause problems but ehh, enjoy your crush while you have it!
     
  12. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    Yeah, he is going to be my teacher all year long. But i haven't even considered to tell about him because i don't know his opinion about gay people. Now, i'm trying to distract myself and think about other things. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Mr Pilgrim

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    Crushes can be hard if we get a bit carried away with them, when they stop being a bit of harmless fun and start getting us a bit down knowing that our feeling will never be returned.

    I think changing the focus is some really good advice from Lex, maybe focusing all your crush onto a celebrity or tv character would work, as they aren't ever in your life or real. Maybe someone you find attractive for all the same reasons as your teacher.

    Finn from Glee would be an excellent choice judging from that picture :slight_smile:
     
  14. yeahyeah

    yeahyeah Guest

    i had a crush for this guy a year ago and i got depressed but i learned that with the time crushes become less so give it time. If u can go a little away from him do it
     
  15. Extreme26

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    Aren't student/teacher crushes a normal occurance?

    I would just say it is a phase that most people tend to go through. Sure it may feel like you have all of these feelings for him, but I can guarantee that as you get older and start to come to terms with your sexuality, you will look back and realise that it was only a crush.
     
  16. natehere11

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    I agree, they are normal.

    Its vause I really liked a teacher that I realise I might not be straight. Mainly cause he was HOT as hell and I was 16 lol. I used to pretend I was stuck to get him over more lol!

    its normal to like teachers. harder when ur gay cause theres NO CHANCE anything will happen, while girls can dream.
     
  17. vrocotamy

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    Deine Situation ist sehr schwer. Wenn man schwarmt fur jemand, das Beste, was man tun kann, ist nur auf die Ebene der Phantasie fur jemand zu schwarmen. Du musst dich innerhalb dieses Grenzen zu bleiben. Stellst du sicher, dass du nicht lasst du es als Wirklichkeit zu denken. (Apologies for my bad German, with the help of a dictionary.) Auf Englisch: Your situation is very hard. When you have a crush on somebody, the best thing you can do, is to only crush for them on the level of fantasy. You must stay inside these boundaries. Be sure, that you don't think of it as reality.

    Crushes are harmless when they remain things to amuse yourself with, and when they don't dominate your thought or your life. Because he's your teacher, that puts a boundary in there, naturally, that can't be crossed. The issue is when you start believing that your wishes will come true, when they can't. Trust me, I speak from experience!
     
  18. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    Thanks for all advices. :slight_smile: und omg; hier gibt es zu viele Menschen die deutsch spricht. ^^

    >>That's what happened recently: So, wednesday was Teacher's Day here and i wanted to buy him something. (yeah yeah i know i shouldn't) Anyways... I bought him a nice black/gray pullover. I gave the present to him and we hugged each other. >_< It was a short moment but nice though. And today i saw him while i was walking he came to me and said it was a nice present and he thanked again. Nothing special happened. Just normal student-teacher relationship, right? I just wanted to say. :|
     
  19. hopelesslover93

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    Ach,komm schon! Am wenigstens kannst du doch deinen Schwarm umarmen,aber ich kann nicht,obwohl er weißt,dass ich ihn liebe,denn er ist ein sehr sehr heterosexueller Schüler.. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  20. TWestside

    TWestside Guest

    Yeah but it lasted for like 2 seconds. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    -I'm writing months later again because something weird happened or i'm just makin it a big deal. 2 weeks ago, at school's New Year Party i was sitting and exhausted because i had danced like madly :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Before a week this Party, i gave him a book which i liked a lot and advised him to read. (Catcher in the Rye) Anyway, he came and sat next to me and asked why i did like that book. I didn't know what to say and said, idk i think it is a nice book. Then he asked the reason that i like the book is the abuse of the (male) lead character.(Holden) I said just i liked the book. He didn't asked anything else but sounded weird to me.

    Sorry about bad grammar, hope you guys get it. :|