What Now ?

ok first off hi dylan welcome to ec

now first things first, if your worried about losing friends, don't be, it sucks if it happens but if you come out to someone and they leave you, they weren't really your friends in the first place. Next thing is it's not shameful that noone knows that your gay, people come out when they're ready, it's different for everybody, there's no rush. Next thing, I highly doubt you will lose your life for coming out, it seems like that I know but trust me, you most likely won't. can I just say a big congratulations too? you've done the hardest part, you seem to have come out to yourself and are now wondering what to do, so here's what I suggest you do, pick a friend, a good one and come out, over text if you feel your not able to do it face to face, first one's always that hardest but trust me it gets better. Chin up lad you're going to be fine

 

Hey bud, no worries, you'll be okay.

Don't feel the need to come out to your folks immediately, especially if you feel that they will be very judgemental of you. Remember that right now you are financially dependent on them, and you can always come out to them after you're strong enough to stand on your own. That way, they can heartily disagree with you, but there's not much they can do about it at that point.

You'd be surprised at how accepting some of your friends and family will be. I just posted my first "coming out" story in that subforum if you want to check it out. When I came out to my brother, I was terrified he would reject or abandon me. But the people who have loved you your whole life will still love you if you're gay. If they don't, that's their problem to deal with. Not yours.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, just hit me or somebody else on here up. Welcome to the boards!

 

Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place - and this whole community is here to help you!

First off - congrats on coming to realize that you're something other than straight. That's a big deal - and not easy to arrive at. It's also a scary prospect - because we don't know how others in our life are going to react to that news.

The fact of the matter is you don't need to tell anyone any time soon. You only need to tell them when you're certain that you're ready. Eventually, it becomes more uncomfortable to stay in the closet than to step out of it, and at that point you'll come out without hesitation.

So hang out here. Get comfortable with being gay. Read the 'coming out' stories, and you'll learn that the actual results are almost always better than the expectations. It's rarely as bad as you think it will be.

 

I think you'd be surprised. Lots of folks go through some really strong reactions when they first find out their kid is queer, but those reactions rarely last and are usually usurped quickly by parental love. Mostly they just have to have a little time to get over their expectations of who they thought you would be, and instead settle into the idea of who you have become instead.

Not an easy thing, especially for parents who have tried to model you in their image. It's hard for them to accept that you're your own person, regardless of your orientation or gender.

You could always tell them right before you're about to leave. That way, you'll be "out of sight, out of mind" while they get used to the idea. Plus you'll have the freedom to explore your sexuality more fully once you're abroad.

 

well if you feel that coming out to your parents would be dangerous in any way for the love of god DON'T or at least until you are in a position where moving out wouldn't such a great problem, like when you have a job and your own place. That said just so you know, very often people underestimate their parents, a LOT, and whilst your dad may be very against gays, just think how quickly that could change if you came out, now you know your dad better than I do so it's your call just don't do anything stupid

 

Wow! If you change the age this is the exact same post I made when I first joined.

So, don't feel too alone there.

How to tell anyone is up to you, whatever makes you feel comfortable. I started with one trusted friend and went from there.

Yes, some people ARE going to be dickwads about it, but this is a test of who is really a friend.

Here is a thought:
When your young, you want to fit in, you want to be like everyone else. But, as you get older you'll notice people want to stand out, to be seen as someone different the processed meat patties we see every day. This is where we have the advantage...we're already different.

Hang in there, you'll make it

 

Hi Dylan

I agree with what everyone's been saying, I'd just like to add my own thoughts. Personally, I never started to question if I was gay until I was about 17, and I've only recently come out, at 21. I did because I finally felt ready to do it, I couldn't have done it prior to that. So don't feel pressured to come out, you should only come out when it feels right for you, and even if you only want to confide in one person for now that's fine. When, how and who is totally up to you and how you feel.

Being uncertain about how people will react is totally understandible. For years I convinced myself that everyone I knew and loved would disown me if they discovered I was gay........ofcourse, they didn't. People who really love you will accept you. At the same time, if you aren't sure that you won't be supported by your family if you came out right now, wait until you feel in a more secure position. I was worried about my dad's reaction too, he would make remarks now and again that made me sure he wouldn't react well to it, but actually he hasn't changed around me since I told him. People's views on this issue often change when they find out that someone close to them is gay. Parents generally love and accept their children nomatter what.

Another thing is, you should only come out when you are totally comfortable with yourself. It took me ages just to come to terms with the fact that I was gay, so it can take time. Once you reach that point, when you no longer feel guilty or ashamed of being who you are (which there's no need to be ofcourse), that's when you'll feel the urge to finally be open about it.

The main thing is, take your time. This website is great for getting advice, or even just expressing how you feel. EC is a fantastic place for dealing with everything so take everything one step at a time, read other people's stories, post threads, talk to others, and in time everything will become clearer and easier, and you will emerge from that closet. It does get better

 

Hi Dylan and welcome to EC
First thing, congratulations for coming out to yourself. That's already a huge step done (*hug*). Now I totaly get that being a gay teenager is not something easy, but fortunatly you have all your life ahead to figure out how and when to come out. So don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure. Coming out is not a race. It's something you have to do on your own time, when you're ready for it. And if you're not ready yet, that's fine.
Take time to get to know yourself better before starting coming out to other people, and maybe don't start with your parents if you think that might be tough. It would be better if you had already a circle of friends whom you'd be out to and whom you could rely on if you need some back up.
As for your father, there is no reason he would be ashamed of having you as his son. Yes, having a gay child is not an easy thing for some people to accept. But many parents manage to come to term with their children sexuality and to love them and be proud of them no matter what.
Keep in mind there is nothing to be ashamed of. Being gay just means that you tend to fall in love with men instead of women, that's all. That doesn't make you anything less than a straight person.
Maybe you can have a look at this PFLAG booklet, that may be helpful for you to get more comfortable with yourself : http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Be_Yourself.pdf
And feel free to stick around EC, that may be helpful for you to start getting some support and to realize you're definitly not alone in this boat. Make yourself at home.
Take care (*hug*) Cécile