I've always been a very traditional person, and also quite oblivious to 'non-traditional' things. Over the last year or two I've really been learning a lot, now that I'm sort of out in the world and not just believing what my family says. I am started to really develop my own ideas, opinions and experiences. I've always just kind of had the subconscious assumption that most people grow up, meet a partner, get married and stay together. I didn't think 'sleeping around' was that common, and I thought that only 'bad' people would do that. More recently I have come up against a couple of people who have been into me, and I liked them.... but they wanted to do the 'casual' thing. The first one really upset me, and I really had a hard time with it. I then started realising that maybe it's not such a 'bad' thing. I have really been trying to challenge my old assumptions about this, and realise that different people like different things. I recently met this girl who seems to be interested in me, but has a boyfriend and just wants some 'fun' with a girl, I think. I am starting to wonder whether maybe I should just try some stuff like this, and throw my idea of traditional relationships out the window. However, I know that I do ultimately want a traditional relationship... so I'm not sure. I'm confused. Lol ramble.
I know the feeling. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this sort of question: if there is, I don't know it. I'm also sort of interested in the idea of a more casual relationship (largely because I'm afraid of getting hurt again, but for other reasons as well), but not sure what that would mean for me, or even if I'm really capable of not surrendering emotionally. I think it's useful to consider that we're both reasonably young. There's no reason we can't have more traditional, long-standing relationships later in life, and go after casual ones now. There's even the possibility that a relationship that starts out casual will develop into something more (though, from what I've observed, expecting/hoping for that is a bad idea). So, that's my ramble in response to yours. Make of it what you will.
i used to be quite the traditionalist, but i've evolved a loooong way from that. I quite like the strings-free approach. Not sure if you've ever read up on polyamory, but you can give it a look, it may not be something to consider but a lot of the concepts brought up in this discussion of it might be views you can relate to http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
I think its important for people to maybe kill these "phases" of their lifes if they feel like it. If you want to try to do the casual thing then go for it, but you should always do it while being smart about it. Being casual and helping someone cheat is not the same thing though. You shouldn't hurt other people in order to get what you want. From experience I can tell you that is a horrible idea. It never ends up well for anyone. Also, remember that if you start sleeping around too much it can affect your reputation so if you care about that be careful.
I'm in a monogamous relationship now, but I've had a couple of what I guess might be considered "casual relationships." Though I prefer the term "friends with benefits." 24 is really young - you may want to settle down with someone eventually, but I'd say you should definitely play the field a little. Honestly, I wish I'd done it more than I did. I could have had a *lot* of sex in my 20s, but I was generally oblivious to anyone being attracted to me back then. Not that I think I should been a total slut about it, mind you. By all means, use some discretion. But, yeah. If you're both on the same page with regard to what the relationship is, then go for it and have fun!
I think it's a good idea to keep an open mind, but also keep one's own preferences in mind. Yes, I think plenty of people can be in casual (or FWB) relationships and derive positive experiences from them. But I also think that doesn't mean everybody SHOULD do them. Some people simply prefer sex-within-a-relationship, and that's totally cool, too. So feel free to give it some more thought. Yes, such things are totally fine for some people. Now work on deciding if you're in that group. Say you get physical with this woman. Say you really enjoy it. Now say that you're interested in seeing her a lot more, but she only wants to fool around once in a while - once a month, or whenever her boyfriend isn't available. Would you be cool with such an arrangement? Or would you find it frustrating, or would you feel jealous of the boyfriend? My only other bit of advice is that if you DO decide to do something with this girl, make sure the boyfriend is on board with it. Not because the girl says so, either - get it straight from him. I'm presuming you don't want to be the on-the-sly side action here. Lex
Thanks guys... I suck at fancy quoting so: Liam - the 'afraid of getting hurt' thing is true for me too. Pseudojim - I liked that link, thanks It was interesting. I never knew what that word was. TheEdend - good point about cheating, that's probably what it would be in this situation and I don't want to do that. Deep Edward - LOL ther's no way I'm getting "lots" of sex. I've never even been kissed! Hence the desire to try something out... I am also fairly oblivious to 'cues'. Lex - I don't think I'm in that 'group'. I want someone to be mine only. Hmmm, think I've kinda worked it out
Yeah I suggest you be careful okay? To me having fun is fine, but helping a girl cheat on her boyfriend or girifriend isn't the right way to do it.
