I am a college freshman and just began to question my sexuality. All throughout high school I never dated. Nobody special ever grabbed my eye and if someone even tried to get close, I would immediately shut them down. When I got to college, I wanted everything to be different. So I began to flirt with boys and they responded. However, if they even mentioned taking it a step further, I would back away. This lead me to question myself and why I was so uptight. (Maybe I'm just a prudish person?) Then a thought hit me; "could I be gay?" I really don't know. I tried to look back on my life for signs, and I found some. I definitely had many more fantasies about being with a girl than being with a guy. The thought of two girls sounded physically more right to me than a girl and a guy. However, I do find some guys attractive and can now imagine having sex with them. But I wonder if that is because I trained myself to like it or if my thoughts have truly become like this. I am so confused right now. This isn't the first time I asked myself if I was gay (freshman year of high school - freaked out at the possibility). I don't know if I am just trying to explain the awkwardness that I tend to have with guys or if this is a real thing. I know that it takes time to learn about your sexual identity, but the uncertainty is the worst. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this and what to do in the meantime while I try to figure things out? Am I just a confused straight girl?
Lots of us weren't lucky enough to just "know" our sexualities. Certainly I didn't. The only thing you can really do is wait and expose yourself to sexuality. That can mean all sorts of things, from thinking about sex to porn (written or visual) to experimentation and all sorts of things in between. Chances are, over time, things will clear up a bit.
Thank you for responding. Just posting all that I was thinking already made me feel better I have looked at porn and at first lesbian porn was the only thing that "worked." I know that just because I like lesbian porn does not mean I'm necessarily gay.
Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm glad that posting it has helped you to feel a bit better. The uncertainty and the feelings/emotions that come with it can be overwhelming at times. It would be a good idea if you try making an appointment with a counselor at the college. Often times, just talking about your feelings and listening to the words that you use to describe your feelings can help in figuring things out. A counselor can guide you through this and it could also give you a bit of reassurance in terms of having someone to talk to in person, sitting across from you. Take it slow, and follow what feels right for you. You already have a couple of clues. Explore them more, and see how you feel about each of the feelings that you develop. Yes, it can take a while before you figure it all out. Sexual identities are fluid and they can change over time. As you try to figure it out and learn things about yourself, the feelings of uncertainty will disappear. Also, talk with a few members on EC. Sharing experiences and having something to relate to, can help as well. Hope this helps a bit!
Don't get too hung out on labels...go with whatever your mind is fancying at the time. maybe if its with a cute guy for sometime or a cute girl...and see what makes you feel more happy/comfortable.. :icon_wink you dont have to make a label of yourself now and live with it for all eternity...your mind might like one thing now...and another later...who knows....just go with the flow of what your body/attractions tell you
I know I'll sound really corny for saying this but: Only time will tell Try going out with a girl, see what it's like. Don't be scared of being lesbian. If it's part of who you are, then so be it. Embrace it. Just, wait and see what happens, really. Thing (*hug*)
