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People are trying to out me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by maverick, Nov 19, 2010.

  1. maverick

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    Location:
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    All right, so I recently came to the conclusion that I'm transgendered (FtM) and ever since I came to terms with it, I have been cross-dressing and binding my chest at work (though I haven't mentioned it to anyone and have no intentions of doing so, at least not right now). I'm sure everyone at the office has had a bet going whether I am a lesbian anyway, because I'm a pretty stereotypical butch - boots, motorcycle, short hair, cargo khakis, the works.

    Anyway, ever since I started cross-dressing at work, one of my female coworkers has started to come on to me when there is nobody else around (we both tend to stay at the office a little later than most). Now I'm not attracted to her at all, and I'm not entirely sure that I'm attracted to women regardless, but either way it makes me kind of uncomfortable...flattered, yet uninterested, and more than a little confused. (At this point in the game I'm more concerned about my gender than my orientation.)

    The thing is, I'm not out at work to anyone and this woman has never directly solicited me, so I don't really have grounds for a sexual harassment charge or even a polite brushing-off, and I'd hate to put one on her even if I did, because we have worked together for two and a half years. However, I don't want to sit around and wait for the inevitable "So...." conversation.

    Any advice? I have gotten used to laughing off the attention of the men over the years if I wasn't interested in them, but how do you tactfully turn down the ladies without causing drama, especially if you are still on the downlow and would like to remain that way, at least in an official sense?

    Also, I am pretty sure that there is talk going around the office rumor mill, because it seems like people are making more remarks about gay people around me to see how I'll respond. Has anyone else ran into a situation like this, where people were trying deliberately to out you or have a feeling that you're gay and are desperate to know for sure?
     
  2. Beachboi92

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    i have never had anyone try to out me other than flat asking me if i was once. But that is because generally i am incredibly open about it. My suggestion is on the basis that your business is your business. I'd recommend not feeding into any of it. If the girl comes on to you and your not interested play it off like you would with a guy or just say "I'm flattered but sorry i'm not interested," or "sorry i don't get involved like that with people i work with."

    If people talk about gay stuff around you and are not asking you about it or involving you in the conversation ignore them. If they are speak truthfully but don't feel pressured to tell them anything personal that you don't want to.

    My main worry for you would be that transgendered people are not protected from being fired or discriminated against for their gender identity and you are in alabama which i don't peg for being the best place for equal treatment on the issue. Especially considering how far behind the rest of the world is on it in general.

    if it does come to the "sooo... r u gay?!" convo just say something like "that's no ones business but my own," or if you don't identify as gay just say "nah" or you can always do the "maybe, but you will never know" or say "no i'm just me"
     
  3. Moonstrike

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    I think you're going to have to wait for her to make a proper move on you. Just prepare yourself for that moment and everything should be ok. Just tell her that you're very flattered but you only like her as a friend. It'll be awkward as hell but you cant do much about that.