Are you all sick of me yet?

Ok, first thing (*hug*), (*hug*) (*hug*), (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*), (&&&)
Second thing, you shouldn't be that harsh on yourself. You are having a bad time, that's happening to everyone. The feeling that you're useless, with no energy and no motivation, the redundant bad thoughts, this is not you talking, this is your depression talking.
Do you beat yourself up for having the symptomes of the flu when you're having the flu ? If not, then it's exactly the same here.
What you have to do is to keep working on getting better. Are you seeing a therapist at the moment ? If not, it would probably be a good idea. And if you need to go back on medecine to feel better, then go back on medecine. Not necessarily the same by the way. If those meds caused you problems, talk about it to your doctor, they can try other meds or different can combinate them in a different way to find something that would suits you better.
As for your mother, the only thing you can do for her is to be supportive of her. But if she wants to stop drinking, the best way thing she can do is to seek for professional help and for AA meetings.
And please, stop thinking you're boring because you don't like going out and getting drunk. Do things you enjoy doing and try to find other people who enjoy doing the same things. There are tons of forums on the internet about craft, jewellery making, cooking, reading... whatever, and there are certainly associations for these things as well. Why not trying to join one ?

Many (*hug*) Cécile

 

As Eleanor said, you are being too harsh on yourself. As a professor told me when I was going to college and it still rings true to me today, "Everything you tell yourself during depression is a lie. Don't make any major decisions while you are depressed. Just focus on getting through it." Just focus on getting through it. Easier said then done I know. When I first came out, I drank every night, when the morning came I didn't want to get out of bed. When I went to see a counselor I fought him, but years later. I'm better. I still have my moments, I'm going through some serious stuff right now, but I've been exercising, writing and doing things that create a healthy emotional outlet so i don't end up screaming my head out. Just breathe and take one day at a time. I know it's becoming cliche, but it does get better!

 

Jess, in no way am I sick of you! We reply because we care about you *hug*!

Like Ce said, you are being too hard on yourself! You are not ugly or useless at all, and if you are feeling self-conscious about your weight - try turn everything you do in daily life into an exercise routine - and you will find that you can loss the weight that you want. In another way, just start with taking afternoon walks and then slowly transition it into jogging and light exercises, at your own pace of course.

With the tiredness, try sleeping a lot for a few days and then start building a daily routine and maybe even try a change of diet. You can find that a change of diet and sleeping habits can help shift your moods as well, so that you wont be as easily annoyed by external influences. The motivation can be fixed by giving yourself a set goals for each target that you want to get to, so that you can reward yourself for completing your work. If you start to feel overwhelmed, you can try taking a break for 5 minutes to calm down and then start where you stopped. Some times you just have to tell yourself that it has to be done and that there is no avoiding it at all.

With your Mum, just be there to listen to her when she needs you to do so and chastice her when she is going to break, or has broken, her promise of giving up. And you are right, it is not your job to fix your Mother's problems, however, it is your job to juat be there to support her through this time by listen to her and reminding her exactly why she is giving up alcohol.

Jess, it is in human nature to worry about things, even things that wont happen for decades to come, or even not at all. Like I said earlier, setting goals to complete and rewarding youself can help focus and strengthen your motivation. And Jess don't worry, people experience their milestones at different times in their life to others, so do not say that you feel that you are behind the times. To each is their own, everbody is different, no two lives are the same.

'And what is the point in being alive?' There is always a destiny that follows each existence, both aware and unaware. Life is a mystery that all experience - a mixed bag of happiness and sadess, calamity and tranquility, ferocity and passivity. There is always a destiny that even the smallest and most minuet of all existence has that shapes the course of the future. Jess, you must find a destiny that you want to fulfill, make it your own and change your future to suit you. But for now, take heart in knowing that we all care about you.

 

Not sick at all. You keep coming back because you obviously need something your not getting in your day to day life.

Eatting too much is classic sign of trying to fill some gap in your life. I know things can seem overwhelming at time, but whollowing in hatred for yourself isn't going change anything. You want to get motivated: get up, get out of the house, go for a walk, a drive, or just go sit under a tree. Enjoy some sunshine.
Sitting at home with the drapes closed is the worst thing you can do when your feeling down. Find something, anything, you enjoy doing and do it. get some positive endorphins going.

 

(*hug*) I know sweetheart, but if it is of any comfort, you're not alone on this boat.
Going back to see your therapist sounds like the best possible decision to take.

 

But once you manage to conquer it you'll still have 2 legs to run on

 

Hey we are always all here if you need us for whatever reason. (*hug*) (*hug*)