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I have decided.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Grex20, Nov 21, 2010.

  1. Grex20

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    I am a closeted gay teen from Singapore, where gay acts are "illegal". I found out that I was gay when I was thirteen and I thought I could keep it a secret the rest if my life until a few months ago I suddenly had the urge to come out, like I felt that there were signs for me to come out soon. Having no openly gay people in my community, I was afraid of coming out and being exposed to bullying, hate and disappointment. Yesterday, I told myself "hey. nothing ventured, nothing gained." and I decided that I will come out to a friend who is overseas at the moment and will be back in a week. He is the closest friend out of the three I have. I sent him a message saying, "I have something really important to tell you when you get back. Don't worry, nothing is wrong."

    Gosh, I realize I beat about the bush a lot, so basically I'm just looking the best way to come out to him such that the conversation will be meaningful and he will understand. Should I call him? Should I talk to him face to face? How should I tell him? :bang:

    P.S. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that I've just made the right choice to come out :/
     
  2. Jay

    Jay
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    Congrats on taking the decision to come out! That's the hardest part. Then saying it is sort of easier and in my honest opinion, is best done in person ("face to face") since the chances for "avoidance" are slimmer: if you call him he can just hang up or if you send him an email he can just not reply. Being face to face gives you a level of certainty that you will know where he stands about this as soon as it can get.

    Now, try not to think of the worst, but always prepare for it. Understand that as your country's laws, people might react in negative ways. But that is not guaranteed it will happen like that. So think the best and prepare for the worst, that way your pain if the worst happens won't be as severe as if you were thinking just the best. Odds are that if he is your closest friend either he already knows, already has an idea, or is supportive.

    Don't really make it a big deal either. If you decide to come out in person try to be the least dramatic as you can. Don't be like "I want to tell you something but I have no idea how to, it's very important, yada yada yada..." because as much importance you give it, the most he will. Try to be casual and laid back, but still assure him that this is a serious topic. And be open to any question he might have, as stupid as it might sound.

    Please let us know how it goes. We're like a push-up bra: good for support and close to your heart <3 :slight_smile:
     
  3. Grex20

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    Well, I couldn't stand the wait, so I just took my phone and called him! It seemed so surreal though, but I'm glad I did it. He thought I was joking at first but gradually became accepting but also very sympathetic, which I didn't quite get. He seemed to think homosexuality is an illness or something (not in a bad way, in a it-can-be-cured way) and he said I will change. I was proud of myself when I told him, "No, I won't change because this is who I am and nothing can bring me down." So.. I'm out to one person! yaaaay. Love the push-up bra metaphor :icon_bigg Next stop, parents (!)
     
  4. Jay

    Jay
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    Well isn't that great!!! I am so happy your friend had that reaction, even if it was one which gave him hopes of your change. Truth is, as your bounds become stronger, he will realize that you're not a joke, and you're not in a phase. Coming out is sort-of like a 24/7 adventure. Live it fully and enjoy it!

    Parents well, that's a milestone. One person I can't bring myself to come out to is my mom. I just think she has enough in her plate right now to deal with her son telling her he's gay. Please do so gently. They will also understand, specially your mom. Good luck! =D
     
  5. acorn7

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    Congratulations on coming out! This is a very important step :slight_smile: Regardless of the official illegality of homosexuality in Signapore, how are the social attitudes among people your own age?

    I send you support and hope it all goes well for you — keep us posted!
     
  6. Grex20

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    Thank you both for the support! I decided that I won't tell my parents for now, it's not the time yet but I feel so relieved that I actually told someone something I kept to myself for so long.

    Sorry, I don't understand what you mean by social attitudes..
     
  7. Jay

    Jay
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    As in people your age tend to be more liberal/accepting, or do they have a very conservative attitude towards the topic?
     
  8. Grex20

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    I'm not too sure myself but I am confident that the few close to me will be acceptive. Others.. I don't think so because I don't know them too well.
     
  9. NordicSpirit

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    Congrats for telling your friend! I hope it goes well with you parents!! :slight_smile:
     
  10. Grex20

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    Thank you! All the best for your coming out too, if you were deciding to :icon_bigg
     
  11. NordicSpirit

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    Thanks!! :icon_bigg Yea Im just waiting for an opportunity to tell my parents!