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Coping with Loneliness

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Paper Heart, Nov 23, 2010.

  1. Paper Heart

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    I've been feeling pretty lonely at school pretty recently. I'm one of two openly gay kids, but me and him are amicable at best. Basically we were on opposite sides of a fight between friends, then we were in "competition" over the same straight guy. Basically, I feel like the only one in my town. All of my older friends are away at college and I used to be fine with being on my own, but lately its gotten to me.

    I just thought that since this is a common problem (at least I hope) we can just list ways to cope with it. I didn't know whether to post this here or in the Chit Chat, so if a mod wants to move it, feel free.
     
  2. Lexington

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    My first suggestion is to "accept people for what they are". I've been the only gay guy, or the only cartoon fan, or the only music freak within groups of people. But that didn't mean I was destined to be lonely. It just meant I wouldn't be able to share that aspect of my personality much with the others. But I can always find other areas of common interest that I can work.

    Secondly, the only thing more useless than mooning over a straight guy is fighting over a straight guy. So, you know, quit it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. EveDanger

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    That's a tough one. Personally I just came to terms with there not being too many folks such as myself to hang out with and make do with other people.
     
  4. malachite

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    May be the answer you want to hear, but I found company in books.
     
  5. vrocotamy

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    That stinks - I know what that's like. I had a couple of good friends in high school (all girls, straight and bi), but I nevertheless was extremely isolated and felt alienated from the majority of my high school. I grew up in a very small town (7,000) in North NJ; I had been with the same group of people since I was 5 in our district public school. I personally used everything from music, to message boards, to novels, to crossword puzzles, to friendships with teachers, to schoolwork, to get through high school. I met generally supportive people in the Drama Club, and by 11th grade things looked up a bit (inconsistently) for me.

    Don't crush over straight boys to distract from loneliness - nip it in the bud, or keep it on the level of fantasy. Due to loneliness, arguably, I developed a nasty infatuation with a 2 years younger straight guy in Drama Club that really wrecked the last half of my senior year. I'd thought he was cute for a little longer; but I started actually believing he was gay and would date me, and kind of tried to get with him. It took over my life. Let that be a warning!

    What do I suggest as a coping mechanism? Honestly, getting out and seeing things. I don't know where you are in MA, but if you're close to a city, go and do things there - even if it's just people-watching, and even if you don't meet anyone. Seeing the wideness of the world puts high school in perspective. Also, just talk to new people.
     
  6. Paper Heart

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    Well I've been making plans to go to my friend's nearby school's GSA. I don't necessarily want/need to find a boyfriend, but just more gay friends. I do get out and try to be active, but it's just awkward. If I want to talk about guys with my guy friends, things surprisingly get awkward. And with girls, its easier, but its still not the same. I mean, I'm grateful to be surrounded by such incredibly, accepting people, but it's just not the same as other gays. My teachers have stopped me and commended me on my braveness on being a model for the younger students, but I just want someone to talk too. Its just a lot of pressure sometimes for me to handle.
     
  7. Well, I know it may not be enough, but for the time being that you can't find gay friends in the flesh, we're here. :slight_smile: We can totally relate, and we're just an forum post away. I know how you feel, having no one to talk to about gay stuff.. do you think befriending the other gay guy is worth a shot?