Short intro as to what brought this on: Younger brother and I are in charge of taking care of the trash every day. I had taken it out the night before while my mom watched me do it. Next morning comes (yesterday) and younger bro refuses to take out the trash and so do I because I've grown tired of my mom's favoritism and expecting me to just do everything. Her bf goes on a rampage and says no tv or anything for the day, which I didn't care about. Last night he comes in my bro/my room and says since he didn't know who was at fault he'd deal with it equally by saying I can't use my own computer for games for more than two hours a day (he pays the internet bill) and that I can't watch tv in the living room anymore, while still letting my younger bro do so while I type this. This is done while pretty much completely ignoring the fact that my mom knew I was right and she still refused to say anything yet again. Now they're all in the kitchen and cooked a Thanksgiving meal, didn't offer me anything, and as they heard me getting out of bed crowded the table (we only have 4 chairs since there's only 4 of us) so that I couldn't make any of my own food until after they'd finished. Right now I feel like complete shit that every time something wrong comes up, I'm the person they take everything out on. I feel like just packing up everything I own and leaving tonight. I have nothing to stay in this house for. They treat me worse than their dog and expect me to just deal with it. I can't do this any longer, yet I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I know that if something doesn't change soon, I'm going to either run away or kill myself. I've been thinking of suicide as a solution and it's only a matter of time before I finally go through with it. I've tried dealing with it to see if it'd get better and it hasn't. I can't deal with this another six months until I turn 18. I do know if I end up staying things will turn violent. I have a very bad temper, and I've been doing my best since my mom's been back in my life to keep it under control. Lately though, I've been feeling my grip on it slip. I recently snapped which led to me beating the hell out of my younger brother, and I have a weird gut feeling it won't be soon before her bf pushes me too far. Taking away the internet was the worst move he could make. I used it as an escape from reality and dealing with the shitty situation I've been put in. With that gone I have nothing to focus my attention on besides my anger towards him. I've seen his full strength his body has and I know mine; I'm by far stronger than he is. On top of this, he's also in his late 50's with a very bad back, it wouldn't take much to leave him unable to move. I know violence isn't a good solution, but at least it'd leave me not feeling as bad as I do now. I guess my real question is, does anyone knows any different solution I could use for this besides the only three I can think of? Sorry if this next bit sounds rude, but please don't say just grin and bear it. Letting my anger build up more would just make everything worse. I don't have any friends that I could leave home to hang out with. There's nowhere nearby I could just leave and go sit alone by myself either to try to make any friends. I feel completely alone and just wish there were some place I could go to permanently or even just almost daily so I'd have some sort of outlet away from them.
I would say outta the thre options you seem willing to take moving out is your best bet. Unfortunatly if you are financially dependent enough to do so yoou will have to rely on others. Your info says your 17 and I'm not sure if they can do anything but I'm certain there are organizations set up for runaways that you might be able to look into. Otherwise you might have to call upon a REALLY good friend and request housing and food as you try to deal with severing your legal ties to your mother and probably finding a job to pay a bit of rent and your own food if they agree. If you do move in with a friend I would suggest drafting an agreement that states you WILL help around their place for a bare minimum amount in return for food and board as you finish school AND find at least a part time job to eventual turn your hosue chorses into a financial amount in form of rent. Suicide is DEFINETLY NOT the answer! Violence isn't any better because you can and probably would get arrested for assult and battery for attacking your mother's boyfriend unless you can damn well prove it was in self defence but even then it will go on your criminal record. For just a few more days, I'm sorry to say what you didn't wanna read, grin and bare it while you reach out to some organizations that might be able to help you and you try to make some deals with friends. I hope things work themselves out though before you have to take any of these three steps. Have you sat your mom down and told her exactly how you feel about everything that happens in your house?
Hey. Before I get into this, I just want you to know that I'm hurting for you. I've never met you, but I am literally getting sad thinking about your situation, because I've been there. You're probably thinking "Uhhhhh yeah you have no idea what I'm going through", but I do. I know what it's like to have all of the blame put on me, to be alienated, and to have everything taken away from me. It's horrible. I mean, my Dad ditched me last new years and I watched the ball drop all by myself. My Mom told me she wished I had never been born. I hate knowing that you've felt like me. I also hate my Mom's boyfriend. Partially because he's married, and partially because he's another religion which my Mom has always claimed to be against. I hated her previous boyfriend evenmore because he turned against me when I needed her the most, but I'm not gonna make this about me. You probably feel trapped and frustrated. I can relate. I want you to try and talk to whenever you get the chance. You need to know that somebody relates and cares. As for the anger, I think it would be a good idea to fi d a healthy outlet for your emotions. Me......I turned to cutting, burning, and bruising. Know where it got me? Nowhere. Didn't do a damn thing for me. Don't hurt yourself or anyone else. Don't give them the measure of knowing they got to you. You don't have long to go man. Just count down they days. I joined in May and I don't think there's been a day since I joined that I haven't been on, so you always talk to me. I'm here for you. I don't care if you need someone to talk to or if you just want someone to talk to, I'd be glad to talk to you. I can relate more than you know. In fact, my Mom's ex-boyfriend (the one I really hated) had a bad back! Trust me, I can relate. I don't know what else to say. I'd be really happy if we got the chance to talk. Hang in there man.
Sitting her down to talk? There's a better chance of me going straight before that happens. She just won't hear it. My grandma's tried talking to her after she wouldn't listen to me to which my mom responded by saying, "I treat all of my kids the same." I have no real friends, and definitely no friends I could stay with. Thanks to how much she's screwed up my life, I've developed huge issues when it comes to trusting people. The more people try to get close to me, the more I make sure there's a distance between us. I've never had a true friend I could turn to for any sort of help, and I'm honestly starting to doubt I ever will. I'd be up for talking, but, no offense, it just wouldn't be the same as talking to someone in person. I feel just completely alone. I've never felt this lonely before.
It sounds like you only have one option. Get a job, work as many hours as you possibly can, and move out. As soon as you possibly can. At which point, cut all contact. Lex
This is what I would do too. It is leaps and bounds above your other options, which are hurting yourself or someone else, and neither of those options is very smart or ethical. I can't say I really relate because my family has always been fairly supportive, but I feel for you though. That's a really shitty situation and nobody should be treated that way. Later on, once you have the money, you should probably consider some sort of counselling or therapy for anger management and for any other psychological issues you're going through (like trust issues). Beating the hell out of people is never the answer, and regardless of how you feel towards your younger brother right now, he is your brother and it isn't right for you to hit him no matter how your mother treats the two of you differently. One day, when your mom is dead, your brother is all you'll have left. And I'm sure he does love you, even if he annoys you right now. I wanted to kill my brother at 17 too for the same reasons you've stated here, and now that I'm 25 we have a very strong relationship. Anyway, that's my two cents. Hope things get better for you, and good luck.
What about your grandma, does she have a spare room where she lives? or any other family with whom you could move into until you save enough money to get your own place?
The fight with him wasn't directly related to this. It happened due to him thinking he could get away with hitting me since I'd finally learned to control my temper. He'd been overstepping his boundaries with me and I'd finally had enough. He's not the youngest though, there's four of us. He's the third; I'm the second. My grandma doesn't have her own place and is currently stayed with her ex sister-in-law. There's no family I could stay with either.
This ^^^. Start talking to some friends and looking for a couch, get a job and get some bucks in your pocket, and get the fuck out. And once you've gotten out, don't look back. Leave the toxicity and be done with it.
Your situation sounds pretty bad. I'm sorry things aren't better for you. I can't help but think that things could be a lot worse too. There is a roof over your head, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and nobody is harming you physically. Having temporarily suspended computer privledges seems harsh, but it did get your attention - which was your step dad's intention, even if he is misguided. How much younger is your brother? The reality is that your mom and step dad are going to have higher expectations of you than they are of him - because you ARE older. And don't you think that's reasonable? What to do? Well I'm not suggesting you grin and bear it. Just bear it. What's the down side, really? Your alternative is to move out and try to live on your own, which will be virtually impossible to do while you're still going to school. Even with social assistance, you wouldn't likely have a TV or internet service - so it would be pretty much like being at home. Only you'd also likely be hungry. So you don't need to like living where you do. But you do need to make the best of it. Make sure you've got a clear understanding about what the expecations are for you at home. Write them down. Make a list and paste it to the wall in the kitchen. Then, as you do your assigned chores, check them off and have your mom or step dad initial them. There would then be ABSOLUTELY NO DEBATE around whether or not you have done your chores. Also make it clear what the consequences are if you don't do those things. And that list has nothing to do with your brother. This is just about you, and your relationship with your mom and step dad. Your younger brother is younger - and he is not to be expected live by exactly the same rules. If you simply can't make that work, then what about your grandmother? Can you stay with her? You're learning a harsh lesson about life, earlier than you should, and from the wrong people. Life isn't always fair. And it doesn't always go the way we want it to go. But we have to make the best of it. Accept the things we can not change and find the courage to change the things we can. That's been one of the most important realizations for me, and one that I live by to stay sane. There's only so much in life you can control - and focus on those things. (Your attitude, your temper, your outlook, etc.)
He's not my step dad. He's just another guy she's using for money for the time being until he becomes broke then she'll move on as always. As for my brother, he's 11. Sure I know he gets away with more stuff than I do, but I'm not standing for being the person they always put stuff off on. That ended a while back and I'm not letting it restart. They have yet to bother asking me to do anything since this incident since they know I'm not going to do it. Without having my computer to keep me occupied I guess they've already figured I'm not doing anything until they fix things. This whole thing was more so them expecting me to, for whatever reason, go back to picking up their slack and I'm not doing it. Writing down everything I've done wouldn't work either. They're the type of ignorant people that would say something along the lines of, "I'm not being bothered with that shit." if I tried that.
