im forced out

That is indeed one heck of a predicament. I'm assuming it was porn involving 2 guys...

Alot of people will tell you that you should take this as a time to come out, but honestly, i would say the best thing to do, if youre not ready to tell them, is to make up some kind of excuse, perhaps your friend was round and put it on as a joke, or u were payed £5 to watch one of the videos as a joke.

So yeah i'd say either make a believable excuse or try to come clean and let hope they react well, but yeah, only if youre ready.

 

My mom actually found out I was gay through porn...twice. When I was thirteen, my mother found a stash of pictures I had printed out on the internet under my bed. My parents were going through a divorce at the time, and, for various reasons, I was already out to my father but forbidden to come out to my mother. My father (who she blamed for it), thankfully, said, "He's just experimenting." We didn't talk about it, since it happened while I was away at summer camp. When I was fifteen, my mom walked in while I was printing out something from Limewire via the computer, and said, "Isn't that sort of sexual?" And I said, "Yes, of course it's sexual...I'm gay!" Gradually, my mother had come around over the past two years, so it was better for me.

I really don't know your situation, so it's hard to give advice. But it's your business what you have on your computer, and their choice to look at it...remember that.

 

Are you SURE that they're going to hate you now?
And if they are, then yeah try thinking of some kinda lie...
What I'd always do is say it was just a pop up or something. Or like... you were trying to find some song online or something and you clicked on the wrong link by accident or something.. Depends on how internet-savy your parents are.

 

Hi bud. Woah! Hell of a situation. First things first... calm down, take a breath, and say out loud "everything is going to be ok". The reason that you need to say this out loud is that everything will indeed be ok.

I suggest that you be honest with them. I don't know your situation exactly. Are you living with them? Do you have a job? Do you have a place to stay if you have to get out of the house for a couple of days?

While being honest with them, make sure that you tell them that this is something that has always been in your life. Connect them with PFLAG. Only agree to talk to you pastor or whomever they want to "help" you if they agree to speak with a gay friendly shrink or counselor etc... Best case you will all agree on a gay friendly group to speak with.

Finally don't start doubting yourself at this moment. Be confident that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are loved and lovable and deserving of it. At the end of this road is a better and more open life for you. For that you should be excited.

Good Luck!

 

Your dad's right. You do need to talk to them about it, and you do need help. Because nobody should have to keep hiding their sexuality from their parents at age 21. .

If you think it would be any help, I'm open to talk to your parents. In case they want to talk to someone "on the other side". But do stop lying. You're gay, they know it, and you all need to just come to terms with it.

Lex

 

Have you considered looking at this from another point of view?

Maybe when he left the note, he was saying that he WANTS you to come out so he can help you deal with those feelings and stuff... That is likely not what he means, but give him the benefit of the doubt. If you just discuss it with them I'm sure they'll be more understanding than your dad is being in a sticky note.

I honestly think this is the perfect opening to coming out, which you'll end up doing eventually anyways. I don't think you should hold off on it, because every time you lie to your parents or anyone about your sexuality, you're only hurting yourself (says the guy who's not out to his parents yet himself =P)

 

This exact same thing happened to me but I guess when I was 17 or 18. Not too sure. I didn't find this out until I came out to my sister less than a year ago. Apparently my sister found them while looking for some cd cases and a few days later my mom waas looking for the same cases and found them then asked my sister about them. So for 3-4 years my parents and sisters always knew I was gay but never said a thing. I actualyl kind of wish they had because I was really depressed then and at times thought of suicide. Luckily I never went through with it.

Anyways all I have to say is that since it is like the third time I would own up to it. Now we don't know your situation but by this point they probably know for sure and it can only hurt your relationship by lieing to them. Either way I hope it all works out for you.

 

This is my assumption, if they were horrified with you I doubt they would have left a note. Sounds like a note my parents would leave to try and nudge me out of the closet. Don't flip out, they know, like for reals know, so even if you tell them at this point it's not going to be anything they don't already suspect.

When I was dealing with being transgendered in high school, and everyone suspected I was a lesbian, I really wish that someone had left me a note, or come and talk to me about it, because like you, I was really depressed (from gender dysphoria brought on by puberty) and had contemplated killing myself several times. When parents reach out to you about your sexuality/gender, it really is a gift. I wish my parents had had the courage to approach me about it, and maybe I wouldn't have felt so alone. Though, to their credit, they did come to me while I was in college, and I denied anything because I hadn't dealt with it myself yet.

Nick, I would just 'fess up, honestly. Come out now, and you'll have your entire young adulthood to be yourself and enjoy it without paranoia, secrecy and fear.

 

Just come out to them. They already know. You may be surprised at how supportive they are. If they do take it badly or tell you that its wrong that you're gay simply say that it is their opinion but not yours and hopefully they will leave you alone after that.

Tell us how it goes.

 

So your kind of out now. It might be a bit weird to talk to your mom and dad about, but the reality of this is they love you.

Its different for everyone, but was a bartender in a gay bar for years. My oldest daughter was given a baby shower by drag queens. I am Transgendered.

When my little girl (Shes a teenager but shes still my little girl) told me she liked girls, it was hard for her. I was surprised, and a little sad (I'll explane that in a min, don't freak out), but I love my kids. No matter what.

I was sad and a bit scared because in the old days (Late 80's and early 90's) I witnessed brutal discrimination, and harassment of gay people many times. I didn't want my kiddo to ever have to deal with that. Things have changed. She lives in San Fran, and in the city differences are more excepted. Life is good for her, but she knows her dad is always here for her if something weird goes down. Your mom and dad may have to pretend that your not, or it may just be an unspoken thing in your house, but you need to tell them.

Also I don't care if your looking at pictures of tree frogs having sex. CLOSE THE WINDOW when you get up from the computer! LOL

@EWU2012 No Snow at WWU.

 

You're on the high dive. Just take the step and let gravity do the rest.

Lex