A couple of months ago I finally told my dad that I was bi. He basically laughed. Which really pissed me off. So I asked him why he was laughing and he told me it was nothing. I told him that I wasn't joking about being bi. But it's not just that. He doesn't take anything I say seriously. Even the times when we have these deep political conversations. When ever I try to say something during those conversations he just says "Sam you're preaching to the choir." And he shouldn't say that, he should at least be polite and let me finish. But there are even more issues. Mostly child support and my mom. You see 10 years ago my parents got a divorce, which was hard to deal with at that time but I got over it and my mom got remarried to this really nice guy. And I feel like ever since my parents separated he thinks that he is not responsible for me anymore. Which makes me feel worthless. But I do have great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and caring parents, but what I want is for my dad to care about me. I mean I am his only child. I feel like if I died tomorrow he wouldn't care, and probably be late for my funeral. But I digress. My dad is also still mad at my mom and hurts me emotionally to get to my mom and make my mom cry. Which is hard to deal with. And he also makes me lie to her about certain things. But when I tell him that I won't tell mom I do it anyway when I get back home to my mother's. And he doesn't pay child support very often. He usually just pays when he feels like it. And he is always saying how poor he is yet he can spend money on concert tickets, and ipods and all this other expensive stuff he buys for me. But I don't need that. I need a responsible father who will help buy the things I need and one that also cares about me. Instead of spending it on stuff that I don't need and who doesn't ignore me and care about my well being and what I have to say. And I really want to tell him all of this but, like I said before, he probably won't take it seriously and think that that's is not what I really think, or just ignore me and not call me for months. He hardly ever does call anyway. I don't know what to do anymore:help: . Please if anyone has any advice please tell me.
I have kind of the same thing with my dad.Child support never(owes thousands),buys me things I don't need with money that should be put to better use,always wants me to lie to everybody for him and try to get to my mom through me.The only advise I have and used with my father is to tell him that you don't need a friend,buddy,pal,or an aquaintance....you need a Father!!!!!As you said,someone to support,listen and care about you.I hope things turn around for you with your father!Good luck
Im really sorry to hear this. I dont really kno what tosay.....But I think you should ask him to listen to you, just keep trying, till he agrees to hear your voice. Tell him how you feel, about you dont need material loves but real love from him. But maybe it's because the devorce I guess I hope he will listen to you, it's important taht you need love from your dad Personally my dad loves me but he never sat down to listen to what I say, or my emotions and feelings. So I dont share thinsg wth him much...
Sam, As I was reading about your relationship with your father, a number of things occurred to me. Let me go over them- in no particular order: 1) Your father's problems have nothing to do with you! It sounds like he has some pent up anger with your mom, some major responsibility issues, an inability to communicate real feelings with depth and sensitivity- and an unwillingness to really listen to others. It's also likely that your dad has some selfishness issues. Those things probably contributed to the breakup of your parents' marriage. They are also troublesome things you have to deal with. But they don't mean he doesn't love you. It's more likely he's not so good at expressing that love. It's also possible that he doesn't relate well with you at this particular moment in time. He may be at a total loss to understand a 16 year old girl who is bisexual. 2) As much as you'd like for your father to change- he's going to have to grow as a person on his timetable- not yours! It's amazing how difficult it is for us to become the better people that we want to be. It might help matters for you to understand that his parents, his life choices, his habits, and his mistakes and weaknesses are the reason why he's where he's at today- not because you're his daughter. In terms of why he's the way he is-it's all about him. You are not the cause and sadly- you are not likely to be the solution. People can only change when they are ready. 3) Try accepting your father as is! Love him for what he is to you and try getting past all the expectations of what you want him to be. He's imprefect in a big way- so are we all! 4) Believe me- there are lots of fathers who vanish completely. That your father is still around, that he buys you stuff- it may not always be what you want, it may not be responsible in terms of the child support agreement with your mom but it is your father trying to tell you/show you that he cares. 5) My biggest advice is to stop looking to your father according to what you want him to be but to love him as he is. That will also give you one other benefit. It will allow you to talk to him straight from the heart. As it is, it sounds like you want him to be a certain way so much- that you're afraid to really express your feelings. But once you really accept him as is- you can say, "no I don't want that- give the money to mom." Why- because he senses there are problems between you and he's trying to buy you off- probably to overcome the guilt he might feel knowing his parenting skills aren't A level. Once he senses that you're okay with him despite his weaknesses- it'll be much easier for him to overcome them. And just so you'll know- your post showed off your intelligence, your sensitivity, your ability to communicate- you are far from worthless! Good luck with this! Tim
I am really happy to know that you have sorted things out with your dad. You are a lovely person and deserve to be respected. Good for you
