Over these past few days, I've been feeling kinda weird. I've got this feeling like I love someone, but I'm also depressed. Idk how to explain it. I feel like a have so much love built up and I don't know where or how to release it. I guess that's a good way of putting it. It's really not a good feeling. Can someone help me, please??? Can anyone explain what this is???
I know exactly what you're talking about! It's been happening to me on and off since April, when I came to believe more that a romantic/sexual relationship was possible for me, and it got like that for me in the middle of my senior year of high school, right before I had this really serious crush on a straight guy who was two years younger than me. I call it "lovesickness for love" (or, rather, I coined the term for this post); for me, it manifests as a combination of emotional longing/sentimentality and sexual hunger. It's that emotionally heightened, hyper-sensitive, wilting feeling of being "in love" reflected out on the world, with nothing to siphon it off, because it has nowhere to go and you need to love someone. Everything is viewed sentimentally, even non-romantic things - which adds to the predilection for books, music, and movies about people who are actually lovesick, and the desire for emotional and physical intimacy with another guy. On top of that, for me, I start wanting to pull the clothes off every attractive guy I meet. I remember, during one of those phases,the summer before my senior year of high school started, I found the children's book "The Velveteen Rabbit" (about the stuffed rabbit who becomes a real, live rabbit through being loved), and I started sobbing. My crush on Andrew started six months after, when I was still feeling like that, and it was extremely destructive...so, be careful what you do! But yes, I totally know what you feel, and it isn't fun, but it's normal in the situation many gay men face in high school, I assume. It does help me a lot to watch books or movies about people in similar situations to me, to siphon off/relieve the emotional tension, if you will.
Yes, this is exactly it. I've been feeling horrible today. I was at my Grandparents house and I was just so depressed. I just went and slept anywhere my body could fit. In a chair, on the floor, and the last place: A bed. I even feel really uncared for, which in a sense I am. That need for love on top of feeling like I need someone to love is just killing me right now.
At 16 you're in this in between world where you're not a child any more, but you're not really living an adult life either. Things are going to feel awkward for you. That's a given. I'm not sure what to suggest though. Moping around and feeling depressed doesn't help anyone - but stopping is easier said than done. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life about this? A friend or a counsellor? Sometimes you'll just have to recognize these feelings for what they are, and make a point of putting them aside to do something else, even if you don't feel like it. Call a friend and make plans to do something, even if you dont' really feel like going out. You'll feel better afterwards for having done it. And maybe that friend can also relate to how you're feeling - because they say 'misery likes company'. Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat further.
