So apologies in advance for this rant. I'm not doing this particularly for advice, although any is welcome, I just need to vent. So I met this guy about a month and a half ago. Long story short we've gone out a fair bit to movies, drinks and dinner. He was the one to ask me out first. He's 24, I'm 20. Typical me fell for him hard, and considering we were going out on what I think any sane person would classify as dates, ie - the before-mentioned movies drinks and dinner - that he must have had the same thing in mind. We slept together 3 times, snuggled afterwards, it was amazing. So he tells me today after I tell him how I was beginning to really like him that he "doesn't date guys my age". At first I thought he was using a lame excuse, but this guy is pretty straight forward with his words, if he had another reason, he would have said so. So the age thing would be fine, except for the fact that he asked me out first, made me fall for him and then backtracked and said "no thanks". I don't think I'm being naive by saying it wasn't just for the sex, we talked heaps and went out often without the presumption that the night would finish in bed. I'm feeling a whole lot of stuff at the moment, I'm still struggling to accept my sexuality, but he made me feel a lot more confident with myself. I know I shouldn't rely on being with another person to help me accept myself, but it was working. I'm obviously upset, but more than that I'm straight out pissed off. If he had of made it clear from the start that he had no intention on taking it further I could have at least restrained myself, so I wouldn't have fallen for him. End rant.
He led you on. That's his bad and you need to call him on it. "You don't date guys my age? Why'd you make an exception for me, then? And why are you really ending it?" Because he WAS dating you. And he's obviously not as straightforward of a guy as you originally thought if he tried to shovel that bullshit excuse on you. What he did is not fair and you need to let him know that, and you need to let him know how much it's hurting you.
I let him know all that, he messaged me yesterday to try and explain himself, said he does like me, but the age thing is a problem. Although I think 4 years is nothing and can't understand why he's making a big deal about it, if he liked me enough it wouldn't be a problem. I don't know anymore, I still really like him, but you can't force something that isn't there, and you shouldn't have to force a relationship. He pulled the whole "i hope we can still be friends thing", which I would like, but it wouldn't be a smart move on my part to continue talking to someone I've fallen for when there's no chance of them returning those feelings - at least until I get over him, so I said it would be best if we didn't talk anymore, even though it's not what I want, it's probably best.
It is for the best to cut off communication with him for now. It's sad that it didn't work out but you might have dodged an emotional bullet there and at least you've learnt something from the experience (making sure age ain't a problem with potential guys). Goodluck mate.
My guess is it isn't the age issue, but that he has emotional intimacy issues and runs at the first sign of commitment. A lot of guys are like that. Unfortunately, about the only thing to do is cut bait. I know it sucks, but even if you convinced him to give it a try, he would likely just find another reason to flake later. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. It isn't fair, but unfortunately a lot of people seem to have these sort of problems.
Thanks for the advice guys. I had every intention of not talking to him again, but he rang me last night to explain and I heard him out. Turns out he's not an ass, he's dealing with some pretty heavy emotional stuff stemming from a break up he had a year or so ago that led to depression and suicide attempts. Although I wish he had told me before, I don't hold It against him. We're still friends, I think I'd be a pretty shit person to cut him off completely, and I'm not under any delusion that anything will happen between us, so I think it's all good now. Thanks again
I've been humped and dumped, so I know how you feel. But you can't gauge your own self worth by another person. This guy is the asshole, the one led you on and made you believe there more going then there was. Sounds like this guy has some comittment issues. I know is doesn't seen true right now, but your heart will heal. You'll find someone who isn't a douch.
