I know this question gets asked a lot, but some feed back might be helpful. I am not sure if my mom knows/suspects I'm not straight. Today we were talking on the phone, I was telling her how good of a cook I have become. Then, she said "you're going to make your wife very happy once you get married", I only replied "I guess", and then she asked "but you like girls right?". I didn't answer and after a short awckward silence she quickly changed the topic. It caught me out of ward and silence was the only answer I had. This is the first time she has ever questioned my sexual orientation. I guess she has good reasons to suspect: I'm 21 and I have never had a girlfriend, and she caught me watching gay porn once when I was 15ish (I remember telling her that I was watching straight porn and that window poped up, and then we never talked about that again). On the other hand, she knows that I have made out with a few girls, that I have gone into dates with girls, she saw my crying for several months for a girl I was in love with when I was in high school, etc. So, I'm not sure if she thinks I'm gay. I don't want to come out to her yet because I don't want to come out over the phone. She lives thousands of miles away from where I live, and I want to come out in person to her because I don't think she will take the news in a good way. I come from a very conservative catholic country, and all my family is pretty homophobic. I think there is a big change that she will disown me after coming out to her (economically, it won't matter because I will graduate soon from college, but emotionally it will hurt a lot). I was planning to come out to her after going back home; that is, in more 3 months. Since she already suspects I'm gay, do you guys think it will just be better to get over with this and come out to her over the phone? I know the decision is totally mine, but some feed back will be appreciated. ~Charlie
It sounds like she knows you're gay and is half in denial about it, seeing as she changed the subject instead of waiting for you to answer. I'd say get it over with now over the phone. Then she can have three months to process it before you see her.
I agree. She knows (or strongly suspects), which is why she was fishing for the "hetero" answer, and by tapdancing around the subject with your (non)answer, you pretty much confirmed her suspicions. The good news is... now she will have strong reason to think about it and go through the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) at least to some extent *before* you formally come out to her, so by the time you are ready, she will likely have dealt with any negative feelings and come to be OK with it. This exact situation happened to a friend of mine who was mortified about coming out to his mother, a very devout Christian woman. He never told her, but it became sort of obvious, as he moved out to live with a "friend", said "friend" was regularly hanging around and showing up at family gatherings and so forth. So by the time he finally told her, her response was "I knew it!" and it was totally a non-issue. In your situation, I'd give it a little bit of time and then just do it over the phone. I think the cat is already out of the bag, so now, if she has a little time to think about it, it will probably be easier on you if you put a little space in between the conversation you recently had and telling her.
That fact that she asked you suggests she suspects you might be at least bi. It's impossible to say how she'd react if you confirmed it to her - you can probably answer that better than us - but by the sound of it, the phone call could've gone much worse. Doing it over the phone might not be a bad idea, it'd give her some time to process it before you come home. That way, hopefully you'll not have to be around to deal with any negative reactions. But you said yourself, your family is quite homophobic, so whatever way you choose to come out it's not going to be easy. All i can do now is wish you good luck and i hope it goes well for you. (*hug*)
I doubt there are very many parents who have asked "but you like girls right?" of someone who showed some sign of being gay, as you probably have, unless they had a strong feeling. I also doubt there are very many straight boys who wouldn't answer when if their parents asked "but you like girls right?". Putting these two together, I think you can take it she knows.
