So this is my original post: http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40912 Just now me and my dad "talked" which consited in him ranting and almost yelling at me for not having a girlfriend and asking is somthing wrong with me. I tryed to say somthing but the more he talked the more it was getting hard to breath and my heart was pounding and i couldnt. It ended with him saying that he donsnt want me to be gay and that it's a choice so i need to stop it and get myself together. All this left me feeling even worse than before. I dont know what to do anymore.
I think that there are two options. 1. Go on like none of this happened and hope that your dad does too. 2. Write a well-worded letter, explaining things, with aid from the good people on this forum. (*hug*)
Hi MMAnick,sorry to hear your dad has that awfull attitude. My first thought is to see if you could get any other family members to understand that gay people are born gay and cannot just change,your mum,brother,sister,uncle etc.Feel out who would understand,who has gay friends?Avoid the more homophobic members until you have built up a support network to help out if things go wrong. Print some PHLAG matereal off for whoever you come out to,leave another copy lyeing around where your parents are going to read it,even if they dissmiss it first off,they may see things differantly with a bit of education and time for it to sink in. Could you possibly get them to go to a phlag meeting with you,explain to them about being able to talk to others going through the same thing might help.Tell them that you are an adult now and know what you can and cant change and you all need help. Good luck
He knows your gay. He's processing it. Any loss anyone processes goes through the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) The "talk" was acknowledging of his denial and moving into anger. I don't think you need to do anything at this point. Maybe in a week or two, send a letter and tell him this is how you are, it isn't a choice, and isn't going to change. It seems pretty obvious that talking isn't effective, so a letter might be.
I only have a part time job right now and help out a lot with bills and things. Its very hard and honestly impossible to save any money right now.
I think the best thing for you to do is to write a letter and give it to your dad. If you can't find the words, or can't actually say them, then write them down. That way you know that you'll say everything you want to say, how you want to say it. Even if you don't want to come out, its happened already. Being outed is tough, I know. Been there, done that. But you've got to get a handle on the new reality and start sorting it out. Right now, it seems that your dad thinks you're gay, when you're not: you're bi. So you've got to tell him that, at least. Otherwise all that's happened is you've replaced one untruth with another untruth. People on here are always glad to look at drafts of letters to parents, and the 'resources' section has some good example letters that people have written in the past! Good luck! (*hug*)
Try leaving it a week or so, and see how he behaves. If he seems to be getting more accepting, try talking to him again. Hope this helps, Thing (*hug*)
