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Really?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mistie, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. Mistie

    Mistie Guest

    I don't understand my mom, and I can't believe I have to deal with this incompetence later on in life when I have to explain things. I already tried once, but she never considered anything since I was only just shy of starting high school...

    But whenever she makes some 'discriminating'-ish comments, my day might as well be ruined.

    "I used to love Ellen before she came out."

    "Those people think they're the majority." (I really don't know what she particularly means by that. -.-)

    "It's not natural, God didn't make it that way."

    "Have you noticed all these gays coming out have only been happening just within the last 30 years or so?"


    SO. FRUSTRATING.
    I don't know what I'm going to do when I'll have to come out (again) to her. It makes me angry and a little bit frightened at the same time...
     
  2. Prccgeek

    Full Member

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    I am really sorry about your mom. It hard to have someone you are close to, especially a parent, say such hurtful things. If she kind of already knows you are gay, maybe she is saying these things to try and convince you to "switch" to the straight way. Maybe once you come out to her again she will come to understand that it doesn't matter if you like girls or guys and that you are still her wonderful daughter. It might just take her some time (although that doesn't justify her comments) Try to stay strong and confident. Don't let what she says bring you down because she is just plain wrong. Try to find a good support group of friends and maybe some other gay people in your community. Plus you always have us here on EC :slight_smile: I hope it gets better.
     
  3. Moonstrike

    Moonstrike Guest

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    Have you come out to her before or something?
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I think there's another possibility going on here. If you've already come out to her once, and it's in her mind that you might be that way, she may be making these statements as a way of (passive-aggressively) telling you that she strongly disapproves of *you* and wants you to change. If that's the case, then I wouldn't worry so much, as this may actually indicate that she's at least starting to process what you've told her.

    If we consider the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) which in this case is the "loss" of you as a straight person, then what she is expressing above would appear to be a combination of denial and anger, which means that at least she is processing things. My guess is that, over time, her tone will change. I honestly don't think it's so much intending to condemn you or even that it really represents what she will feel about you, but more that she's trying to deal with and come to terms with something that she's starting to realize she can't change.